Do you enjoy socialising in other people's homes? I don't and not quite sure why.

[ArnieandBob]

I don't quite know why but since I was young I have hated going to other people's homes to socialise and will avoid it as much as I can.

Dh and I have been invited to friend's this evening for a meal, I had suggested going out but they insisted on cooking for us. I really would have preferred to have gone to a bar or restaurant instead but they always insist on hosting.

I don't know why but I feel that I can never fully relax or enjoy myself when round someone else's home. Maybe it's because I see my own home as a sanctuary, I get into my PJ's as soon as I can and have my own particular routine and comforts. Being in someone else's home just pushes me far out from that feeling of comfort.

My dh says it's weird of me (I do suspect that I may be ND and am on a waiting list for an assessment) but is it really that weird? Does anyone else feel the same?

Ah yes also if we go out I can order what food I like from the menu, rather than being forced to politely eat whatever dish the host serves. I can be veggie if I want or eat chicken, it's no bother if I am picky. It is in someone's house.

I absolutely hate it too.

Luckily my friends and I socialise in restaurants, pubs and bars, as is the norm in London.

I or we just love socialising, Frozen pizzas from Tesco and whatever wine is on offer or planning a lunch at the weekend that lasts till tea time. Home or at friends. We did miss it a Covid especially as we had moved house and not knew people.

I don't mind but I think that's because I only tend to go to people houses who I'm really close to so could happily go in pyjamas if I really wanted to

They are very wealthy, we are the poorer ones lol.

I'd prefer going to a bar or restaurant.

It somehow feels less pressured; in someone's home there are no distractions, nothing else going on, it all feels a bit intense somehow.

A kindred spirit.

Don't even get me going on the no shoe thing, it makes me feel so exposed for some reason lol

That is it, going out definitely puts you all on equal terms.

You get it, that's exactly how I feel.

I am waiting for an ADHD assessment and have a lot of sensory issues so not sure if that has something to do with it. At home I have my own cutlery, cushions, throw etc, in someone else's home I just feel so uncomfortable but it's hard to fully explain unless someone feels the same.

I prefer it to having people to mine because if I’m hosting at mine I always forget to make sure everyone has a drink etc, which makes me feel like a shite host.
Also I can leave someone else’s house whenever I want, rather than sitting at home wondering when they’re going to go or if I should just drop a massive hint and get the hoover out 😄

I actually really like it. I am most comfortable at my house and my parents + 2 brothers homes. But I enjoy visiting friends a lot and I love having them over. I'm an extrovert though to be honest. Although DH is a very big introvert and he actually prefers it to going outside. Finds it more relaxing!!

It’s weird to me, but so is the idea that your home is a sanctuary which involves getting into your nightclothes as if to signal the day is over as soon as you’re home

It absolutely isn't weird! Just because other people don't think the way you do it doesn't make them weird.

I feel the same, home is my safe space.

I'm agree. I'd much rather go out to a public place, there's other people there, strangers which I love (always end up chatting to people), you can go to the toilet without anyone noticing or caring, drink as little or as much as you want, because the bar is there. Without having to ask, or wait to be asked. You can leave when you want. I've always hated house parties too. Or having people in my own home. I feel trapped I guess.

Ah yes the issue of other peoples guest toilets! Often not very noise proofed. Or with dodgy flushes. Always fun!

Yes, I enjoy socialising in other people's homes (and out as well), so I think it is a bit odd. I agree with your dh.

Mind, you'll probably get skewed replies on MN as there are a disproportionate amount of posters who don't answer their front doors even.

I feel the same.

I like it. I find the modern obsession with cocooning yourself in your house in nightwear as soon as you walk in from work, and not wanting to step outside your house or interact with other people really weird and a bit infantilising.

Certain friends.

some are great at making an at home atmosphere. Some you feel afraid to touch stuff and you sit very upright and it feels a little like a period drama where you take tea (it’s nothing like that but it feels like an occasion). Some of my friends houses feel like my own.

i stayed over at a lot of friends houses as a child, a couple of sleep overs a week, and moved between my grandparents house and my own home. When I dream of my “childhood house” it’s always my grandparents, I had no real sanctuary so I don’t think it’s that for me. It’s just that you feel tense as soon as you walk in.

Thank you, I don't think it's weird either.

Totally agree.

Did I say anything in my op about not wanting to step outside my house or not wanting to interact with others?

You literally asked in your OP if it was weird, because your DH said it was weird.

It depends - if it's people I don't know well, I hate it, but not if it's close friends, or if there's a dog. I'm happy anywhere if there's a dog.

Not all that much, tbh. It’s basically not as comfortable and effortless as entertaining in your own home, and not as fun and different as actually going out to a bar or restaurant, so the worst of all worlds. Obviously I wouldn’t ever try and avoid doing it, because it’s part of the give and take of friendship.