Do you enjoy socialising in other people's homes? I don't and not quite sure why.

[ArnieandBob]

I don't quite know why but since I was young I have hated going to other people's homes to socialise and will avoid it as much as I can.

Dh and I have been invited to friend's this evening for a meal, I had suggested going out but they insisted on cooking for us. I really would have preferred to have gone to a bar or restaurant instead but they always insist on hosting.

I don't know why but I feel that I can never fully relax or enjoy myself when round someone else's home. Maybe it's because I see my own home as a sanctuary, I get into my PJ's as soon as I can and have my own particular routine and comforts. Being in someone else's home just pushes me far out from that feeling of comfort.

My dh says it's weird of me (I do suspect that I may be ND and am on a waiting list for an assessment) but is it really that weird? Does anyone else feel the same?

The only peoples’ houses I feel truly comfortable in are the ones who I have shared houses with when we were younger. So my two best friends from uni, my best friend I shared with when we lived in London, my sisters and my dad. I REALLY struggle to sleep over in other peoples’ houses.

I'm the extrovert's extrovert and gain energy from being with other people, and I love socialising at other people's homes. I like seeing them in context and feeling as if I understand them better by looking at the way they choose to live. I suppose you could frame it as nosiness... looking at their books and pictures etc. But some of it is a feeling if really being accepted by them if they'll let me in to their house. I like hosting as well, but that's more tiring, worrying about how comfortable they are and whetger they are desperate to leave etc.

As I get older I do like my own bed though and am a bit less keen about sleeping over with others. But dinner at theirs or tea or brunch or whatever - lead me on.

Maybe when you were too small to remember, something bad happened at another house and you tied the two together.

Im the same. Other peoples houses just make me feel on edge, like I have to be constantly performing as the perfect house guest.
Maybe not with my best friend but other places.

I also prefer my routine and get into my evening jammies at 6pm and curl up with telly or a book.
Some of us are just introverts....its not bad or automatically ND to be like that. Everybody is happy with a different level of socializing (Im happy with practically none!!LOL).

I'm the same.

For me it's because a dinner or drinks at a restaurant has a clearer 'end point' and I often feel trapped at people's houses socialising as there's no leaving cue, e.g. asking for the bill or finishing your drinks.

I'm an introvert and struggle with social situations. Ideally I'd not socialise at all on an evening but restaurant preferable.

On the other hand, if everyone is splitting the bill at the end, it's obviously awkward because then I can't leave if I start feeling anxious and overwhelmed. So I prefer restaurants where you pay upfront for your own stuff.

I don't mind just going for a cup of coffee, less keen on having dinner - but what I absolutely won't do any more is be someone's house guest and stay overnight. I will go to almost any lengths to avoid this. I really need my own space to retreat to a the end of the day so prefer to stay in a hotel and agree a time to meet up again the next morning

I agree with that.

There if no clear end point at someone's house. There is when out at a restaurant.

Least in London there is "the last tube"

I rarely go to friends houses as we are all over London so mostly meet centrally. People can go onto bars after restaurants if they want to carry on once bills paid.

Depends what we are doing etc sometimes I'd refer to go out somewhere, other times happy to have people at my house or go to theirs. Only really go to close friends or relatives houses and vice versa. I try to be a decent host and people seem happy to come back so presume I am! All my friends and relatives who we visit are great hosts too, I always feel comfy in their houses. Going to others is less work too, less cleaning and tidying etc less expensive if not having to cater as much and so on. Having people at ours on an evening is convenient because then we don't need childcare and can actually socialise with joint friends together whilst kids are in bed. Otherwise we have to socialise separately.

I’m the same.

I can’t settle and find it exhausting. I don’t like to feel ‘hosted’, it feels awkward to me. I much prefer going out, coming and going as I please, choosing my own menu, getting refreshments when I want, etc.

I also don’t like having people in my home.

I particularly don’t get the appeal of being invited back to someone’s home for a cup of tea whilst we’re already out in a restaurant or bar.

I hate it to. I hate having people in my home, and don't like going to other peoples.

I much prefer meeting people in a restaurant or pub.

I don't mind if the people are from my own country because we know each other and our culture does a lot of coffee, food and drinks meetups at homes, often even just like your friend calling in without notice. But that is people who are like family and who will never judge your home. Here people judge everything about you and are looking for ways to put you down, even when you have a nice, small and tidy but yes, humble home. Hate it. The only homes here i go to, are Christians for Bible studies or Muslim or Hindu homes where my husband gives them private tuition and we the adults, have some coffee or food. No one is judged that way

I hate it too. I’d much rather meet someone in a restaurant/bar/cafe/library etc. I find it much more relaxing and enjoyable.

This.

I prefer to go out too, OP.

I'm probably a bit of a control freak (a nice one 🤞🤞🤞) and like to choose what I eat, when it's ready, and have an obvious natural end to the evening.

I live in France and one thing that I have never got the hang of is the social hell that is "l'apero."
You have to go to a friend's house in the early evening, nurse along a drink, eat nibbly things and talk for a few hours to get kicked out at peak hunger time.

I'm sure there's more to it than that and I'm probably just a pleb but I just don't do it any more.

I think I am your complete opposite. What I love about dinner at friends house is that there is no definite end time. Nobody is going to come and say they need the table back, we don't have to figure out where to go afterwards and we can just focus on hanging out. If the evening is good it will last for hours and hours and if I'm tired there is no problem with going home at a reasonable hour. I also love having people over to my place for the same reasons.

I always feel under pressure to reciprocate and I hate the pressure of hosting. My kitchen is small, I always get red faced and start gabbling because I’m nervous. I don’t want anyone offering to help either. So I don’t want to come to someone else’s home for a meal where I will also feel that I have to be polite and engaging. Also it is difficult to gauge when you have overstayed your welcome or to know what to say when you need to leave Finally, my husband and I have very different views politically and conversations at the host dinner table can be excruciating for me as I have to keep asserting that I have a totally different opinion to him

I love visiting and being visited. It's probably because when I was a child "visiting", often unannounced, was a major part of my extended family's social life.

I feel very close to my friends when I am in their homes, I see their paintings, photos, memories and their inner world. Messier the better. I don’t know if you can consider it’s even a friendship unless you know them properly and their homes.

I am not a fan of staying overnight. I feel like I am intruding too much, but an evening or lunch is really meaningful to me.

I used to like dinner parties/house parties. Can't stand them now. All that standing up in some one's kitchen talking about schools/house prices bored the crap out of me. Rather be at home on my own sofa.x

I prefer it to restaurants, always.

Agree with this! And I also bring my slippers. 😂

It depends on the friend and the house. I've been to some houses and really felt uncomfortable. Either it's too clean and I'm scared of dropping a crumb, or it's too messy and I don't feel like I can relax. It's rare though, most of my friends have welcoming houses so I like it.

Only issue is that I'm coeliac and cross contamination in food is a bitch, so I need to be there helping cook. It's so easy to mix up a knife or double dip something like butter that has crumbs in, etc. Nuisance but thankfully I've got understanding friends. Many of whom have accidentally glutened me in the past, so they know the drill and we all chip into cooking together.

Same. Not a fan of going out in the evenings. They are sacred, and I enjoy the time at home.

I love being hosted. On the other hand, I hate having people in my house despite having plenty of space for it. I just don’t like having other people in my house. We haven’t hosted people for about 2 years now, long may it last.

I don't know why but I feel that I can never fully relax or enjoy myself when round someone else's home. Plenty of people feel like this.

Socialising in the home is quite a modern thing for 'ordinary' people - when people had seven kids in a tiny house there really was no space. We have less privacy than we had many decades ago which suits some but not others.

When people meet in a pub or restaurant they are on neutral ground - psychologically this is more comfortable for some people. It is easier to leave a restaurant early if you are not having fun, it is easier to complain if the food is shit! But some people prefer being in private homes because they feel more relaxed.

My dh says it's weird of me He is very rude - is he being unkind or trying to be funny?

(I do suspect that I may be ND and am on a waiting list for an assessment) but is it really that weird? It may just be personal preference, and it isn't weird.

Does anyone else feel the same? Loads of people. Loads of people feel the opposite too. People vary. You're fine as you are.