How do you stop being scared at night

[Scaredycat22]

I live alone in a 3 storey 4 bedroom house. I am in a safe area in suburbia, but there have been some recent break ins. I can’t sleep at night thinking people will break in while i sleep. Does anyone else live in a big house by themselves? Do I have to downsize to feel safer? There is a sad back story to why i live alone. I didn’t plan it like that.

Ah this sounds really hard. Especially as there have been break ins, it’s not like you’re being completely irrational. If you love your house I would take measures to make it feel more secure. Ring doorbell, leave a lamp on the landing, have a phone number of one of your neighbours, security lights, put internal slidy little bolts on some of the doors so if someone broke in they wouldn’t be able to get upstairs/ into your room? These will hopefully make you feel better. I think moving house would mean the “baddies” had “won” … why should you give up your house because of a few people with no morals??

I was never good at staying on my own even now late 30's I don't like it . We put up cameras eufy brand with motion sensors and they shine a light so let's say someone comes onto our drive at night a light will go on them the camera will follow them and I'll get a notification in my phone you can also set them to sound an alarm we have a camera on the front side and back of house gives me great comfort as the ring doorbell so we are well covered

I've lived in my house alone since my husband died, I hate it and dont think it will ever get easier. It's 5 years now.

I’m in a big house by myself with a 12 year old for the next three weeks (DH is away with work) — we are close to a city centre and back into a ruined convent on acres of jungly land that attracts its share of arsonists and dealers. What is it about the size of your house that makes you feel more unsafe?

I don't feel scared living alone but probably because I've lived alone for years it's me and my young children maybe a ring door bell will help?

I can't sleep without a burglar alarm. You don't have to listen for every little sound, because if someone has broken in, the alarm will be blaring. Also just a basic slide lock on bedroom door- you'll never wake up to someone standing over you! Don't watch anything scary.

A smaller property, wouldn't make you any safer - you're probably safer in a larger house where any intruders would be less likely to find you; they'd most likely grab what's accessible and run.

Sorry if that's not very comforting! Sometimes we just have to accept that some things are out of our control. Take your handbag and any particularly meaningful items to bed with you.

I am not sure. It’s probably irrational. I just cannot sleep at night at all. I can’t move as my son is at uni and it’s home to come back to.

House alarm really helps, ask installation firm to put an activivation button next to your bed for during the night. I lovely dog will detect movement around the house grounds before the alarm is activated. Motion sensor lighting around the property. Ring door bell. CCTV

Get a good alarm system fitted. I have never lived alone but on the nights DH isn't here I am definitely grateful for my pets. The dog is the obvious one but even the cats make me feel.more comfortable.

You deserve and need a restful night’s sleep so I suppose you have to have a reassuring routine that sets you up every night. House alarm, and maybe motion sensor lights which would deter intruders into your garden.

I do have kittens, but not sure how safe they make me feel 😅 I have been thinking about getting a job where i work nights so I can sleep during the days that’s how desperate i am to sleep 😞

So I used to feel like this and no idea why I don't now.

However, things that have made me feel better is having a deadlock on my bedroom door, I don't even use it anymore but I used to.

I also used to leave my handbag and car keys on a shelf as soon as you came in the door, that's what most thieves want so they wouldn't risk poking round the house.
Very few are going to try their luck upstairs.

I have a ring door bell I think that puts some potential opportunists.

I think burglars have changed over the years - mansions/footballers homes I can imagine get targeted for burglaries otherwise your general family home they're mainly only going to be after your car.

I was really frustrated to find myself scared living alone in a bigger house. I felt like a wuss but that didn't help. What about getting a lodger?

You definitely need to invest in a good alarm system. Have a look at Verisure they seem like they give good support.

In reality the animals are probably useless but I always feel like the dog would alert me to human intruders and the cats are some sort of ghost early warning system.

DH is travelling often and the first night is always awful.

But over the years I managed with:
Phone in the bedroom - normally a big no-go as I know I will just play around on it but it does help.

Proper alarm for downstairs, we had a break-in shortly after moving in and the alarm could only be set fully or not at all, we changed it to a downstairs only setting on top of the full one when nobody is in.

Good locks at all downstairs doors and windows.

We had some issues with our garden door recently and found one of our outside lights damaged so we are now looking into a camera and doorbell camera.

I used to be very much like this, and I lived alone for a good few years in dodgy areas of London in my twenties and found it difficult to sleep properly throughout that time. I found that better than staying alone in my parents creepy cottage in the middle of nowhere though, I stayed up all night there when I was left alone! I am not sure there is an easy answer, the smaller you can make the space to control it the better, so agree with lock on bedroom door from the inside. I am in a three storey four bed now too, but I feel very safe - I know all my neighbours and we are tightly packed in which is reassuring on the odd night I'm alone with the kids. Is this a fairly new situation as I think you'll get used to it in time?

I can’t really get a lodger as it’s my son’s room for when he is back from uni. I wonder if i will ever get used to living by myself in a big house. I do have ring door bell and fairly lights in the garden to make it less dark. I don’t have an alarm because of my kittens. I think they would set it off. I just wanted to check if it was normal to be so scared at night alone 😔

@Scaredycat22 I don't think it's unusual at all, whenever I've mentioned it to my friends at least a couple have said the same.

I have video recorders at every entry point, movement sensor lights outside My home, burglar alarms too.

I don't live alone, but sometimes have to be alone in the house. I'm frail, just about anyone could physically overcome me. I never respond to a knock, or the door bell ringing. They'd usually be gone by the time it takes me to get up to the door anyway. My adult child normally answers my door as they get an alert through their phone if someone comes to the door.

I'm happy that we have done as much as We can to be protected but recognise that you can never be 100% certain that you are safe.

I put the risk of being attacked into my area of concern, outside my area of influence. So I'm quite comfortable with that.

My mum is 85 and has lived alone in the family home since my father died 8 years ago. Its a 5 bed house so not small. She has security lights back and front which are triggered by movement. She has a ring doorbell. She also has an alarm system that she can set when she is out ( if the alarm hasn't triggered then no one is in the house) and when she is in bed upstairs she can set the alarm just for downstairs. If anyone forces the doors or windows downstairs the alarm will go off and hopefully frighten them away. She has fabulous neighbours who would hear the noise and come running and we are only 10 minutes away.She also.has trellis along the back garden wall and lots of spiky plants to deter/ injure anyone trying to scale the 6ft wall.

Get a rottie

I’m dreading the day my mad rescue dog dies as, despite her many faults, she is an excellent guard dog and I have never felt unsafe in my home with her. She’s also a fab spider eater - the bigger the better.

I have a Presa canario - he barks at his own shadow and would welcome an intruder 😒 my Dachshund is a better guardian breed!

Sorry you feel like this OP. If I was you, I would get alarm on the outside doors, they won't be set off by the kittens. A ring doorbell. We have a system called Tapo with bulbs and cameras we can switch on and off from our phones or on a timer. They are really easy to install. I'd leave lights on downstairs and in the bedroom you don't sleep in. Make the house look "awake". Don't leave keys in the door, but somewhere easy you can grab them from if you have a fire. Bright sensor lights at the front and back.