How do you stop being scared at night

[Scaredycat22]

I live alone in a 3 storey 4 bedroom house. I am in a safe area in suburbia, but there have been some recent break ins. I can’t sleep at night thinking people will break in while i sleep. Does anyone else live in a big house by themselves? Do I have to downsize to feel safer? There is a sad back story to why i live alone. I didn’t plan it like that.

I have no advice but sympathise! My DH has been away with work for a while and I couldn’t believe how anxious I felt to start with. Still on edge now but not as wracked with anxiety as I was. I try to do things that will minimise anxiety in the day i.E exercise and fresh air. Read until I fall asleep, play white noise to mask any odd sounds.

I used to work for a security company.

You can get pet friendly alarm sensors. Verisure are very good, I believe they do monitored alarms too so that in the event of the alarm going off the police are notified x

We have an alarm system we set at night, downstairs only. I read here I think that someone puts mugs on their door handles so if someone tried their door handle it would make a noise and wake them up

Oh OP it's really affecting you that much? As well as all the practical stuff like alarms etc would it be worth attending some sort of behavioural therapy to help you manage your worries?

🤣 true!

I don't think it's that unusual to feel this, there have been some good suggestions on this thread to help give you peace of mind.

However when you said you have considered a job working nights so you can sleep during the day. This is very drastic and I don't think, if you have been that scared, that this is really healthy or that common. Maybe you need some counselling. How long have you lived alone for?

Maybe though i do know a lot of my fear is irrational. We were broken into many years ago and it had really stayed with me.

thank you for everyone’s responses. It really help.

I agree with all advice about Ring doorbells, alarms and a good lock on your bedroom door. When DH is away, I also have the radio on low all night, just to break the silence. Radio 4, for the voices.

I am live alone with my own with my dd. Though have a tiny house (in a nice area) but I’m quite deaf so wouldn’t hear anyone break in. I got an igeek camera (£36) & put it up v easily myself & that made me feel much better, it has a siren & light & goes to a (free) app on my phone & take motion pictures. After checking it for months, I’ve decided not to worry as no one has even been near my house. It does help though that my house is v small on a road of 500k houses. I think this protects me from burglars! Plus my garden is a shit hole so that will put them off no doubt.

Very normal. I spent years alone and barely slept because of the threat (real or imagined) of intruders.
I kept a light on at all times, some rooms had permanent closed curtains with lights on.
It's better now I have dogs,although dogs come with different issues not least cost. I'm with someone now but he often goes away for days at a time for work, which I love and hate at the same time. Still some nights when he is away, even with two large dogs, I cannot sleep.

You get more used to it over time.

You are in a 4 bed, surely one of the other 2 bedrooms can accommodate a lodger, doesnt have to be a Male lodger, plenty of females would apply

I lived alone for a while and these days it's usually just me and DD (16 months) as DH works nights. We live within a mile of the city centre and so it's a relatively high crime rate. Things I do to feel safer are:

• we have a doorbell cam that notifies me of movement by the door. There are a lot of false alarms (leaves blowing etc) but what I like is that if I hear a noise outside, I can check the doorbell cam and see that nothing is there

• we have a camera in the living room (closest room to the front door). It was mainly for our dog when she was a puppy but again I can check it (with volume) if I think I hear anything and reassure myself

• my bedroom has a lock

• I keep a hammer under my bed (if you're going to keep a weapon do some research about best ones for you. Pepper spray is the best but sadly illegal in the UK. Bats can be good but are easily taken from you etc). Rationalise with yourself beforehand about occasions where you would be prepared to use it. I.e I would not take it and go downstairs if I heard an intruder.

• I have a good relationship with my neighbours and we look out for each other. One night I heard a noise outside and saw someone attempting to break into their van. I shouted out the window and they ran off. I know I could call on them for help and we share information. They also have CCTV that covers both of our front gardens

• I have a dog. I realise this might not be great for you if you have kittens but honestly this is probably the thing that makes me feel the safest. She is great at alerting and I think is capable of deterring.

Get a dog?

Do you not have 4 bedrooms? Could a lodger not have one of the other rooms?
It is actually a really good idea.

But if they hear before they see it, my daxie’s bark could well be mistaken for a rottie!

I sleep with the light on and the radio when I'm alone
I do sleeping at work and always imagine my ex husband is at the window as he did once 10 years ago.
Then since all the clown nonsense happened a few years ago I always imagine a clown is at the end of the drive.
I'd do as others say and get the alarm on downstairs.

My house always looks like it's already been done over so I think burglars would look in and think no point.

I’m probably the odd one out but security measures make me feel worse 😂
My previous house had an alarm that intermittently went off, obviously had a fault, but used to nearly give me heart failure thinking there was a break in so I don’t like alarms!
My current outside security lights are on and off all night (think it’s the cats!) so I’m always wondering what’s triggered them!
I’m generally not too bad with being alone in the house but on the odd occasion I feel anxious about it, I keep a small light on and listen to podcasts as a distraction.

What?

You sleep at work but not really sleep cos ex husband?
What clown nonsense?

We have CCTV and a ring doorbell, all accessible on our phones. A house alarm operated from our phone. Entry into our back garden is through pyracantha or catio fence toppers. Alexa is set up to turn on all house lights with one command.

Door sensors which will announce which entry point has been opened via Alexa and on DDs bedroom and utility room.

Live in a reasonable area but it is often targeted, and next door was broken into.

When it's just me and DD she sleeps with me but I don't feel scared like I use too in my younger years. Honestly, I just can't be bothered with it and it stopped.

Your post doesn’t make a lot of sense @Scaredycat22

You say it’s a 4 bed but can’t get a lodger because it’s your son’s room, but what about the other 2?

You can move, you son will still have a room
to come back to at a new house, you don’t have to buy a 1 bed or stay where you are. You have choices.

Friend of mine rattled around her large house when her kids were at uni, so she moved to an apartment- not my cup of tea but she likes having the noise of other people and the feeling of people around. My idea of hell but it works for her (and there’s room for the kids).

You need to be proactive here, the house clearly holds some bad associations and moving might help. Equally so might some talking therapy or hypnotherapy or drug therapy. It isn’t just going to go away though so you need to do something.

Lull yourself to sleep with audiobooks on your phone.

Nothing wild. I find that the Agatha Christies narrated by Hugh Fraser are comforting fare at night. You can set a sleep timer so the book will shut off in 30-60 minutes. That and a sleep mask.

Team dog 🐶

This is me. I have an en-suite with my bedroom. I lock my bedroom door every night. I would not be able to sleep otherwise.

I've been broken into before and now I'm living alone with ds. I do find it hard at night. I have an alarm system, make sure everything is locked up well at night, I play rain noise to give me something safe to focus on and leave all valuable things like handbag and keys at the front door so anyone opportunistic can just lift and leave without coming further into the house. Ring doorbell would be a good shout as well and I do leave a lamp on a timer if I'm out late. There's been times when I've felt really spooked I've left the curtains closed with the lights and TV running downstairs.

I do a check of all rooms before I go to sleep and then when I feel weird I remind myself everything is locked up right and the alarm will let me know if there's a problem. If I didn't have ds I'd put a bolt on my door but I have security wedges just sitting above both my door and his so if I needed to i could use them in either room. Personally I found I slept better when my cat wasn't in my room because I was getting into a deeper sleep rather than almost waiting on him coming in for a cuddle. I do think a dog might help as well.