How do you stop being scared at night

[Scaredycat22]

I live alone in a 3 storey 4 bedroom house. I am in a safe area in suburbia, but there have been some recent break ins. I can’t sleep at night thinking people will break in while i sleep. Does anyone else live in a big house by themselves? Do I have to downsize to feel safer? There is a sad back story to why i live alone. I didn’t plan it like that.

Kittens said no.

Bolts on the inside of your bedroom door, being burgled is ok, it’s your safety that matters. With the bolts they won’t be able to get in your room.

Suggestions:

• High quality security alarms

• Security lights in garden

• CCTV

• Emergency alarm by your bed to connect to services

• Dog (big Alsatian that can snuggle up with you but can also be scary and protect you if needed)

• Don't watch any scary movies / programmes

• Consider talking therapies to learn coping mechanisms

Get an alarm with senors on windows and doors.

Your cats won't set the alarm off OP if you ask for pet friendly sensors. Fairy lights aren't good enough, you need great big strong motion lights to light up a would be thief so they can't hide in the shadows and run off as they feel under a spot light.

Lodger is a great idea! If you have 4 bedrooms then why not!!!

I have never thought of bolts. I can lock the bedroom door, but have never done that either because my kittens are running around the house and i want them to have access to my bedroom
during the night (partly for my comfort). I suppose I want to find peace living on my own rather than being scared all the time or am I better off
moving / downsizing?

Kittens shouldn't set an alarm off. I would get alarm and just try to relax before bed

Get an alarm system fitted. In the meantime, sleep with the light on but wear an eye mask. I used to live alone and that's what I did. I also used to have a bolt on the bedroom door (wouldn't be possible now because we have a cat who hates all shut doors and scratches till they're opened annoyingly). But when I lived alone I had a cat who was reasonable about closed doors so she slept downstairs while I slept upstairs with the door shut, the light on, and an eye mask! I would have liked an alarm though.

Install an alarm system and some cameras

I think living in a smaller house does feel safer but I'm not sure why, I hated being on my own in my parents big house but don't mind it in my cosy little two up two down 🤷‍♀️

I have a little dog who I think would lose his shit if someone tried to get in which helps and it also helps knowing I have absolutely nothing worth nicking 🙈😂

This

When I worked the Burglary Unit, more people were woken by their cats than their dogs to alert them to a burglar. It was very common actually!

Make your house a home, not Fort Knox. Outdoor lights, obvious cameras, Ring doorbell, motion sensors on your ground floor of you want them (many can be programmed to ignore cats sized animals!), but don't start thinking window bars etc - it'll make you feel worse not better, and tbh getting out in a fire is much more important IMO.

Spend a few bob on making yourself feel safe and get some rest!

Were you ok before the break ins?

I have a podcast on low if I can't sleep

Yes

I play Friends on Netflix on my phone if I can't sleep. It knocks itself off at some stage.

I have a big dog who would bark if anyone tried to break in and that makes me feel very safe. He is a sweety though!

So sorry to hear this OP. Is it a recent transition being on your own? You might find that time helps with you feeling more secure. I wonder if the fear at night is a proxy for some other emotions you’re trying to deal with as well? As a pp said, talking therapies might help. I used to feel scared at my parents house in the countryside but that was because there were no street lights and the house was accessible front and back very easily, there were also multiple doors to break into and no neighbours nearby. I live in a city centre now and my house is equally accessible front and back but I have neighbours both sides and live in a busy area so feel much safer.

If you are thinking of downsizing why not visit some smaller properties and get a feel for them? It might be a prompt to make a fresh start - you can keep a room in a smaller house for DS visits home, plenty of parents move once their DCs are at university.

If it makes you feel more secure, you could leave lights on at night, leave telly/radio on downstairs. Just to give the impression there are more people there/people up and awake.
But you're not more likely to be burgled in a big house than a small one. If anything you can lock all rooms then if someone does break in they'll be trapped in one place and you can call police/leave the building without having to see or confront them.

But you have 4 bedrooms? What about the other 2?

You could give the lodger the biggest one and let your son have the other 2 for the few months a year he’s back.

I lived with my mum in a 2 bed flat until I was 25 so you could downsize if you want as well, 2 people don’t need a 4 bed house. A flat might feel safer as well since you usually have to go through 2 doors.

But if a burglar took one look at him in your house, I’m sure they’d be put off! Can’t say the same about a Dashshund 😂

I don't get scared at all. I've lived alone for years with my son but he's mostly away so it's just me.
The reasons I don't get scared I think are; really small cosy house ( big house would creep me out), live in a very rural area, hills, woods all around us, I don't think any burglar would ever target my little pad.

The size possibly has alot to do with it

Invest in extra security measures, ring bell, double locks, alarm.
When I stayed at a relatives larger house alone, I would have a knife in the bedside table as I was so worried I could never sleep. It's a horrible feeling.

Id love my dog to eat the spiders in my house!! You are very lucky

I've lived alone for the majority of my adult life. I had a stalker at one stage, so that wasn't the most pleasant.

My tips, if you like animals a dog is one of the best deterrents you can get. Even a small yappy one has been shown to make nefarious characters pick another target. The stalker was the reason I got my staffy. I didn't want a big dog, but wanted something people would think twice about. He slept next to my bed - there's no point having a dog if they're locked outside and the intruder is in the house. His bark was intimidating but he loved everyone and was actually very friendly. Because he wasn't a nuisance barker the neighbours said they knew if he barked there was someone around.

I've got smaller dogs now, but they bark to alert and that's what you need. Something to wake you up.

If noises are keeping you awake, put some music on a speaker. It stops the little rattles and house noises that your imagination can latch on to.

Sensor flood lights outside are good - as someone said above it gives people no place to hide and makes you a less attractive option.

Make sure your doors and windows are secure and closed, lock doors at night.