How do you stop being scared at night

[Scaredycat22]

I live alone in a 3 storey 4 bedroom house. I am in a safe area in suburbia, but there have been some recent break ins. I can’t sleep at night thinking people will break in while i sleep. Does anyone else live in a big house by themselves? Do I have to downsize to feel safer? There is a sad back story to why i live alone. I didn’t plan it like that.

I lock myself into my room (can’t sleep if the door isn’t locked), and keep the phone, a hunting knife and golf club next to me. When I sit and read before I sleep I have the radio on so I’m not listening to the silence.

I’m really scared of the dark so I know how hard it is. Hug.

I have an alarm and a cat. I just alarm the downstairs and shut the cat out of all the downstairs rooms. They can access the hallway as the alarm there is a front door contact device. An alarm makes you feel very safe. It saves you having to be alert to noises which you get in all houses. If someone had broken in the alarm would have gone off. So you can just turn over and go back to sleep.

Oh OP, I also hate sleeping alone. It's hard!!!
Some things I've found have helped:

• audiobooks on timer as you fall asleep
• white noise app on phone
• ring doorbell/ additional cctv as you wish/ camera downstairs indoors too if that helps
• smart plugs with lots of lights on them. I can turn my lights on before I go upstairs from my phone so I don't have to walk anywhere in the dark. I have these come on in several rooms anyway so whether I'm in or not it looks like I'm in
• think about maybe shutters or something downstairs to reduce how much people can see into your property
• security light in the garden
• secure your house- don't leave your keys by the door/ make sure you lock your car/put a crook lock on it.
• fairy lights in my room that stay on until it's light outside actually helped me as a student when I was particularly anxious at night. LED Xmas ones that I just used all year round. Low risk of fire and most have inbuilt timers these days

Hugs, it's the worst feeling

I used to have a large property but we asked ourselves why? We actually rattled when the children left home , so we downsized, so glad we did, but we live in a. Village where everyone knows everyone and down side everything, but we feel safer it's cheaper to run and homely, but it's not for everyone,

For me, having a dog sleeping in my bedroom helps me sleep better. Well, at the start, but as she has got older she is waking early and pacing.
But, after years of not sleeping well when my dh was away, waking at every noise, having my dog just made me relax.

All you can realistically do is fit high security doors on the ground floor and CCTV. Those basic euro cylinders that most people have are easily defeated but there are anti snap alternatives and better doors and locks. Once you fit those and get cameras if you so desire then try and find peace as theres nothing else you can realistically do. Oh and dont have a nice car as they may want in for the keys.

You have to ask what the recent break ins have been for. In years gone by, they'd nick anything, TVs, videos etc but nobody steals that now. Its all car keys and jewelry, maybe a games console. Has to be worth their while.

I'm a police officer and have been for the last 16 years, before joining the police, I also used to be terrified of being burgled but I now see the types who are likely to do this! Unless you live in a mega fancy home with big flash cars on the drive, the type who would ever try and target you are generally low level criminals or drug users who are desperate! Normally they will look for opportunities such as unlocked doors etc but as long as your house is secure, you are genuinely doing all you can. I now feel safe in the knowledge that if I confronted a burglar in my home, the likelihood is that he'd be off his face and unable to defend himself! They are literally looking for items that are within reach and easy to steal and sell on, it's very rare for a burglary now where drawers etc are rifled though and the whole house is searched.
My best advice would be to put some white noise on, lock your home and zone out! You need sleep! x

Ring cameras front and back anyone comes anywhere near my house I know about it plus cameras would put anyone off. Gravel also helps. Plus having a old crappy car helps

When DH is away, I have our dog sleep on the bed with me. She's actually quite small and wouldn't be much good as a guard dog, but she would bark if she heard anything. And somehow, just having her warm body lying next to me is very reassuring and helps me sleep.

(Usually she sleeps with one or other of the DC so she isn't out in the cold when DH returns).

We have a regular Ring on the front door and at the back a Ring one with the floodlight and siren that you can activate. That gives me a feeling of security.

Get a dog?

This is really helpful thank you.
I live in an area with lots of fancy houses, but mine isn’t really one of them. I have kept a bit of a “worn”
look on purpose. When we were broken into years ago, they stole the car, so I actually keep the car keys by the door so they won’t go further into the house and just steal the car and go if anything happens again.

Any thoughts on leaving lights on? I tend to leave lights on in the windows, but not sure if it just indicates that someone is out and has lights on a timer?

Put gravel around your house - burglars apparently avoid houses that have it because it announces a persons presence.

OP of course you can have an alarm with kittens. Have you actually looked into it?

Improving your home security will make you feel better.

It’s always the houses with the most security which seems to be broken into in our street and in my head there is a connection. As if people then think there is something to steal. Not sure if that is valid. I did use to have an alarm and it didn’t make me feel any safer to be honest.

I've got a dog, a ring doorbell, good locks and if anyone did break in, I would stay put and let them take what they wanted. Most burglars aren't interested in you, just your valuables. That's why you have insurance.

I was taught this when I was a teenager.
If you’re upstairs and you think someone is in the house or trying the doors open windows, turn on lights, shout from the window or to attract more attention throw breakable stuff out. I’ve only ever done this once, didn’t even have to shout, a neighbour ( from their window) saw me leaning out the window and offered to look around outside for me.
Locks on a few internal doors, camera doorbell. Put “you’re on CCTV” stickers on your outside doors.

I reassure myself that if they wanted anything of value they would be in the shed stealing DH’s tools - what do they take when they break in to your neighbours?
I have two friends who are widows and manage on their own. I’m in the countryside and deer or foxes could set off an outdoor sensor.
There haven’t been house break ins in this area that I know of. Maybe it’s because it’s the countryside and some people have shotguns or that there’s little traffic so strangers would stand out.

We have security cameras which really helps. Although all they have ever picked up is cats and foxes. We have a system called ARLO which was easy for us to set up ourselves.

We also use smart plugs and Alexa to turn on lamps at dusk. We do leave some on all night.

We have those motion sensor lights as well.

I've seen tips on here about leaving a man's jacket and boots in the hall in sight of anyone calling at the front door.

You can't stop being scared because your mind /body sees it as a logical fear.

Have you tried meditation? If you can learn to be ok with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings your body and mind will be less reactive

Sleep in shifts when you work as a carer. You sleep there but it's not a waking night so you don't get an hourly rate.
It's a bungalow and 10 years ago ex-husband turned up looking through the window when he wasn't supposed to come bear me. so I always think of that when I'm trying to get to sleep. I
The clown nonsense the trend where people on social media were saying clowns were walking the neighbourhoods. It sparked my imagination so I think there are clowns at the end of the drive when I go to the bin. Haven't seen one yet but you never know.

This is a good point. Also make sure the immediate area around your house front and back is clear, no large shrubs that someone could use as cover.
I'm on my own occassionally as night and don't mind it now, though i think it's understandable to feel vulnerable when you're sleeping (or trying to!).
Lamps on is helpful, and i sometimes leave a radio on low in the living room so i can hear it faintly - silence magnifies any little noise and that can make you twitchy.

Personally I'd find a cosy 2 bedroom flat on an upper floor. Something modern, preferably with a bright secure entry close. When I lived alone I always felt much safer in places like this. You would still have a spare room for your son to visit.

Things that helped me when H is away for work:

1. CCTV - we have it all round our house and alarm
2. Ring doorbell
3. Good locks
4. Movement activated lights (noone is going to fiddle around trying to break in when a blinding spotlight is on them) and just saw gravel was suggested- great idea!

Basically- if your house has all these, its far more likely a burglar will move on to a house that doesnt - its just easier for them

Also- recommend the book "the gift of fear" by Gavin De Becker

Not useful but I used to go to bed really early - about 8ish when it felt safer.
I slept till 5-6ish and was knackered again by 8