Tell me your juiciest workplace gossip!

[ToriMJ]

Something that floored everyone and shook HR to their core.

Saw this as a tiktok and thought mumsnet would have stories galore!

Please

Is it just in case someone eats all the tastiest chocolate biscuits from the Arnott’s Assorted Creams?

Update: 14.02pm

‘OMG’ isn’t a term I throw about, as I’m not a 15yo girl on a bus, but OMG! Ellie just stormed up the stairs and declared, “Not that it’s anyone’s business but yes, like 47% of the population, I have herpes okay? Like none of you have ever had unprotected sex.”
Dave has also informed us that Ellie cheated on Scoutmaster Andrew with an electrician named Greg...

Journalist solicits copy, Chat GPT answers? What a world.

Best check Dr. Arse's other patients for signs of raddle paste. All I'm saying.

Did anyone mention the time that annoying colleagues stapler got set in jelly. Scandalous

My old boss decided that too much money was being spent on stationary. He gave the receptionist the key to the stationary room to control usage.

Oh how she enjoyed her new found power. However, as I'd always been nice to her, I got as many pens as I wanted and even envelopes which were blatantly for my own personal use.

Got a prescription note I could have off you for that? Could show it to Barbara when she starts making comments about me being a slacker again.

I ate the jelly, sorted it all out it no time.

Go to the desk at the back of Pets at Home. Ask for Clive the Otter. Give him a fish. He'll see you right, no questions asked.

And this is why employee of the month needs reinstating!

Have you seen this ?

www.bmj.com/content/331/7531/1498

Update: 14.43

Dave is sitting in his car again. According to Jennifer, asking a coworker how they tore their anus is borderline sexual harassment but I was only asking so I don’t do it accidentally.
Ellie is eating her Subway sandwich at her desk. It would have been polite to ask if anyone else wanted anything from Subway. I considered going out to get a burger and loudly asking if anyone else wants anything from McDonald’s to make a point, but I’m not leaving in case I miss anything so it’s tictacs for lunch..

Update: 14.47pm

I’m glad I didn’t leave. Mike, our manager, just came back from a meeting and said to Ellie, “What’s with the sour face? You should smile whenever someone walks in the front door.” and Ellie replied, “Go fuck yourself, Mike. I quit.”...

😱

Aw Clive, was wondering what he’s up to these days. I remember him when he used to work down Sainsbury’s. He got his final warning when they banned him from the chilled aisles but he couldn’t help himself. He must’ve fiddled his background checks, there’s no way I’d leave him unsupervised around all those aquariums they’ve got there.

Yeah Ellie, get in there, SHIT HIM UP!

Update: 15.00pm

Jennifer, Mike and Ellie are having a meeting in the boardroom. Dave came back in and I told him the meeting was regarding his 'unprovoked aggressive behaviour', so he's stormed in to set the record straight.
I should probably be in that meeting as I was the only witness to the Subway sandwich assault...

Yes, he's no longer allowed unsupervised access to the prawns. Something to do with hardcore prawnography apparently. He has to be accompanied by a lobster at all times when undertaking tank work.

Update: 15.08pm

I suggested to Jennifer and Mike there may have been a bee in the office, and that Ellie simply swiped at it with her Subway sandwich and lost her grip.
Dave accused me of taking sides so, for balance, I explained that angry outbursts over small things can often disguise larger issues, such as feeling bad about cheating on Scoutmaster Andrew with an electrician named Greg.
I could probably be some kind of conflict resolution counselor if I ever decide to change careers. Jennifer asked me to leave...

Update: 15.20pm

The meeting is over and it's all a bit of an anti-climax I'm afraid. In an obvious effort not to be shown up, Jennifer brought her HR A-game and a ceasefire has been called.
Actually, ceasefire may not be the appropriate term - it’s more like a school play about friendship; Ellie is back at her desk and Dave just walked past her and asked,“I’m going to make a cup of tea, would you like one?” and Ellie replied, “No, but thank you for asking.”
I'm quite disappointed as I was hoping to be the hero by defusing the situation.

Phyllis became the head of the party planning committee which enraged Angela who had been the head for ages. Angela made Phylis' life hell when she was running the show so Phylis was quite hesitant to take it on. However the same day Phylis got the promotion and had done a party for Toby's going away party (which Phylis had thought she'd done a grand job for, I agree party was great) later on in the evening when the party was over Phylis had gone back into the office to drop some bits before heading home, everyone else had gone home at this point, she switched on the office room light and caught Dwight and Angela doing it on the accounting desks. Side note Angela actually got proposed to at the going away party by Andy a couple hours before!!

Jack left at 359pm today.
Piss taker.

I have bought beets.

Some years ago working with a colleague and he vanished overnight! Gone. Nothing said by management then some months later his face was in the press as he got 8 years for his interest in young girls. People actually took a couple of days off as they were shocked to the core. How could we not know?? Err he was a sex offender he is hardly going to broadcast it.

Another time a manager was spotted in the car park with his 'work wife'. They went out most lunchtimes. He took a traffic cone out of his car and she put it in his space when he moved out. Other days he put the cone where she had parked. Someone saw this and that cone vanished. Oddly no one asked about it

The person we had who gave himself lofty titles and was gifted artworks by a well known local artist or were they meant for the organisation. Frequent trips out on the company credit card to nice restaurants with a long wine list. Italian custom made furniture for the office. iPad and phone on roaming when he went away. £1000s in charges for that. He was eventually escorted off the premises