That's exactly what someone who was the daily mail would say 😏
I've witnessed a few embezzlement, affairs and screaming out loud fights plus someone who both lived in the office for several months when he got chucked out, got caught both drinking and watching porn at work MORE THAN ONCE and still didn't get sacked (ah local government....)
but the funniest/most random was this guy who used to cook fish in the microwave at least twice a week for his lunch. It absolutely stunk and the canteen was open plan in the middle of the office so by the afternoon you could smell it everywhere.
He also would stick it in to cook and then go back to his desk rather than staying to keep an eye on it despite the fact we had 2 microwaves and 100 staff members queuing to use them.
This was complained about multiple times but managers did that wimpy thing where they posted general signs or made announcements to everyone about "please be considerate about the food you make" rather than just telling him directly.
Anyway one day this woman just had enough, grabbed his plate out of the micro, stormed over to his desk where he was in the middle of a call and threw it full pelt at his face, screaming something like "cook your stinking fucking fish at home you inconsiderate twat". The whole office just sat there completely silent as he just stared open mouthed with various fish slime, bits and tiny bones drizzled down his face and in his beard (from the part that disintegrated on impact - tbf she really launched it!) and then the remaining half a kipper nestled greasily on his shirt (I can still remember every detail 😁) before saying "um...I'll call you back."
the woman was the quietest most well mannered person in the office whom you'd have never expected to say boo to a goose let alone snap like that. It later came out that she'd been having personal issues at home and presumably that was just the last straw. She went on sick leave after the incident and I left before she came back - I did keep in touch with some people for a while but can't remember now if she just resigned when on sick or if she did come back to work for a bit but she definitely wasn't sacked.
My friend worked in HR at the time and I just remember her saying "how the fuck am I going to word this on the form?"
🤣😁
It was even funnier because fish guys name was something tangentially fish related (think Fred Mcgill sort of thing but not that). I did think about including this last detail in case it does end up in the daily mail but fuck it, he was a twat, it was years ago and half the office witnessed it so hopefully Im not identifiable!