Tell me your juiciest workplace gossip!

[ToriMJ]

Something that floored everyone and shook HR to their core.

Saw this as a tiktok and thought mumsnet would have stories galore!

Please

Someone keeps putting glasses in the bottom shelf of the dishwasher and they are getting broken.

Despite multiple emails from reception, it keeps happening.

Tell me your juiciest workplace gossip!
Apparently Fenella has watered the office plants for a second time this week. Shocking, I know.

I found a bottle of milk dated July and threw it out without asking.

I have another one! My colleague (who I don't get on with) placed my stapler in jelly as he knows I don't like jelly - I don't trust it. He denied it but was sat snacking on raw jelly.
My boss didn't take this seriously and just started telling jelly jokes.

Single woman and married man shagged in the car park during an in-office party

We get a fruit delivery to the office every Tuesday. Somebody who arrives early used to steal all the bananas. An office-wide email went out reminding us to share the bananas. Somebody accidentally “replied to all” with a jokey email they meant to sent to only one person about Tim from Claims stealing all the bananas because he’s a cyclist. Tim went nuts and denied it. Ever since, a big sign has been placed next to the fruit every week reminding everyone not to steal the bananas and also not to accuse anyone of stealing the bananas.

I promise you that we’re all actual grownups handling billions of pounds of insurance transactions a year.

Did you work for a Scottish Local Authority in the 90s? I swear I witnessed that exact scenario, right down to the names and the seagull.

😂😂😂😂

A fight broke out in the office a few minutes ago and is well underway. No punches have been thrown but Ellie and Dave have declared, “Fuck it, gloves off; I am no longer bound by social norms or fearful of reprisal and will hurt you as much as I can with words.”
Apparently the fight started when Dave described Ellie's nail polish colour as, “a bit 2015.” I’m not sure how it escalated, but I heard yelling and entered in time to witness Ellie throw a 6” Subway sandwich at Dave. The sandwich barely glanced Dave's shoulder, but he reacted as if hit by a .50 caliber round, screamed, “That’s assault you fucking bitch!” and knocked a framed photo (of Ellie and her boyfriend Scoutmaster Andrew sitting on a petrified log) off Ellie's desk.
Ellie's response focused on Dave's weight so it’s definitely on...
...Right. Ellie is in tears and she attempted to push the photocopier over but only succeeded in breaking off the paper tray. It’s the most exciting thing to happen in the office all week so I’m going to cover this live as the action unfolds...

Update: 10.48am

Daves is sitting in his car talking on his phone. I don’t know who he's talking to but I hope it’s the police. In his absence, Ellie is explaining to us her side of the story. As encouragement, we’re agreeing that she’s in the right and affirming we’ve always liked her more than Dave...

Was waiting for this. Mumsnet never lets me down.

It’s funny how so many people are quick to say this is a journalist and people should avoid sharing stories, yet on a concurrent thread about “Have you ever slept with anyone famous?”, posters are reacting furiously when people refuse to name names. Isn’t that far more likely to provide a journalist with outing information than a bit of office gossip?

Love the phrase "perp-walked".

Someone, let's call him Bob, stole hundreds of thousands of pounds from customers and the business. But the boss didn't press charges because Bob knew some very very dirty secrets about the boss. Is that the kind of thing you're after?

Update: 10.53am

Dave's just leaped over the line and chose the nuclear option by disclosing personal information Ellie told him in confidence. I’m not sure how all of us knowing Ellie has genital herpes helps Dave's argument, but his commitment to take the situation to ‘raining fire’ level is to be applauded...

Update: 10.57am

It’s like an episode of love island where one contestant lists the reasons someone else should be voted off instead of them. The entire office is now also aware that Dave tore his anus a few months ago and had to have stitches, owes petty cash £300 for a loan to make rent and shagged a rep in his ford focus...

Please keep them coming - you have made my morning.

Update: 11.03am

Dave just reentered the office and a heated exchange about who is the bigger pain in the arse ensued. Apparently Ellie is the biggest but Dave retaliated with, “At least I don’t buy my jeans from M&S!” and did a weird wiggle of the head with a smirk. I’m not sure how that’s an insult as I own jeans from M&S and they’re pretty comfy, but it seemed to outrage Ellie who screamed, “They’re from H&M!”...

I dont know who's the biggest pain in the arse but Dave certainly has the more painful anus 🤣

Update: 11.10am

Ellie has “had enough of stupid fat people” and went to Subway to purchase a replacement sandwich. It’s therefore Dave's turn to seek affirmation from everyone in the office that he's in the right and explain why Ellie should be voted off the island...

Sarah, the OW, who doesn’t work for the business yet is having an affair with Jack in team 2. She joins the business with the aim to be closer to Jack even though his wife doesn’t know about the affair. Sarah has a major meltdown when she gets put on team 4 instead of 2 as she won’t get to be close to Jack. She then finally gets on team 2 and Jack splits with his wife. Sarah is furious Jack puts his kids before her and tells all she wishes his kids (young) would go away. Jack quits his job. Sarah also quits to follow him. Jack ends the affair and gets back with his wife. Sarah ends up with no job and no sex buddy.

Update: 11.12am

I asked Dave if shagged a rep in His ford focus and he's sitting in hiscar again...

One of my staff has moved house and not told anyone, including me, the boss!

He doesn't want people to know because he constantly pleads poverty and sympathises with colleagues that can't afford to buy a property, that it's tough at the moment. Moans that he had to sell his car because of Ulez (we're inside the zone and he live(d) outside the zone) and moans about the traffic on the way to work (we have a hybrid set up where everyone works 2-3 days from home).

He doesn't know that me and the rest of the management team know that:

a) he moved in October 2022;
b) bought a house for £850,000;
c) got planning permission for and built a massive extension to the new house, that must have easily cost another £150,000; and
d) that said new house is 150m away from our office, so he no longer has to drive to work at all!

I'm a perimenopausal middle aged woman who is smashing my brother's work's fantasy footballl league (I was given a pity entry and they needed the numbers). I asked ChatGPT for my team and I'm 12 points clear. Cue 6 very highly paid bankers scratching their heads.

Dwight came in to the office and found his stapler in a plate of jelly. He was not happy.