I don’t want this baby.

[Nikolite]

So we have 2.5 year old and to be honest and I’m happy with just one. My husband really wants another baby but I just think our life standard would go down significantly with having one more as my job doesn’t pay that well. He just keeps saying we have to do it for our son, so he has company.
We’ve been having sex maybe once every 2 months (with protection) and I just found out yesterday I’m pregnant. I’m not sure how it is possible.
Also my dad has passed away just 8 weeks ago and my husband thinks our baby is a gift from god or from my dad as to have sex just once in 2 months with protection and still get pregnant it’s miracle.
I don’t even know how to feel about all this.
I don’t feel like being pregnant again. And I don’t want to deal with newborn stage again.
I’m thinking of terminating but feeling guilty about it.
This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. At the moment I’m swaying towards not keeping the baby - purely as of my own mental health. I struggled allot after having our son and couldn’t cope with him crying etc. I just can’t go through it again. My husband keep saying that we need to do this for our son, to give him a sibling so I feel so so guilty but I just don’t think I can do this. He thinks I will regret it later in life when our son asks us why he doesn’t have a sibling but I can only think of how I’m feeling now and I’m feeling really sad and depressed since I’ve found out.

@ComingBackHome No but he is allowed to be upset for a few days surely. People say stupid things when they are upset, he may not even mean it. I just think maybe everyone is jumping too quickly into conclusions here.

OP is devastated by a death, it's an awful time to make a life decision. Dh may be concerned she will regret it, he may think she is panicking and having an extreme reaction because of her grief and her last experience of birth. It also sounds like the decision whether or not to have another baby had never fully been resolved within the marriage or they would probably already have separated if it was irreconcilable. So from Dhs perspective the ground has been ripped from under him too. I'm not saying OP should do what he wants, just saying there are two perspectives here to consider.

Edited to add this only happened yesterday so both are in a tailspin.

He's allowed to be upset, he's not allowed to abusively threaten his wife. Coercive control is illegal.

So had to change the appointment to Saturday 19th as then I will just go and leave my son with my husband (weekdays are hard as he’s working in the office).

Lovely, the chances are very high he won't look after your son so that you won't be able to go to the clinic.

Also, all this blackmail by him is frankly loathsome.

Op, are you aware this isn't normal behaviour? Emotional blackmailing and guilt tripping you is NOT normal behaviour...and no one should treat anyone like that.. but especially not people we are supposed to love.
Have the abortion, and leave your husband. You and your son will be much happier alone.

Things are getting worse here.

he’s now saying that he wants me to txt my mum and tell her about me wanting to have an abortion or if I don’t txt her first then he said he will txt her.

I knew he would make my life difficult but this is just sick.

Do you have anywhere you and your son can safely go to stay? He sounds unhinged. Fuck him, and fuck anyone else who thinks they can tell you what to do with your own body.

@Nikolite I would like to think your mum would back you 100% . If a sil of mine tried this trick I’d be telling my daughter to ltb and come stay with me. And tell him what a loathsome creature he was to do this.

He's shown you exactly what sort of man he is. You and your son will be much safer and healthier without him. This is abuse.

OMG if I lived near you, I would let you stay with me.

Even just reading this is making me angry, God knows how you must be feeling.

I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to stop you going to the clinic.

Please get some irl support. This is escalating and you need to stay safe.

@Nikolite I don't say this lightly but I think you need to leave. How long before this awful man starts manipulating your son? He's shown he has no care for your health at all; he has no limits. He is going to hold this over your head for a very long time.

I hope your mother has your back.

He is gaslighting you. Do you really want to have a baby with someone who has such little respect for you?

Being an only child is fabulous most of the time. You become imaginative, creative and sociable.

It sounds a really difficult decision.

If I had been with a spouse who would only have one child I would have left - absolutely no question as I wanted more children (I had five). So obviously these are very fundamental issues in a marriage and better to know now if you need to restart with a different spouse who will have more children or not. Someone asked must earlier if I were pro life (simply because I said in this position I would keep the baby but that I was now the poster and we each have our own views). I support our current abortion laws and women's rights to choose.

Ok I would look him in the eye and say that you know that he sabotaged the condoms. Watch his reaction. Because I would bet a lot of money that he did.

Then tell him that you will indeed tell your parents, and everyone, that he is an abuser who you believe has tricked you into a pregnancy you were clear that you felt your health could not stand. That you will document the lot, including his appalling coercive control in tying to force you to continue an unwanted dangerous pregnancy, and it will be your divorce petition for unreasonable behaviour.

How difficult would it be to tell your parents this? Quite hard I imagine as it’s common for someone with controlling parents to end up in a controlling relationship…

But I’m just trying to get you to see that there is a very different narrative here to be told to friends and family. Not ‘happy family blown apart by evil mum wanting to abort a much loved baby’ but ‘dangerously controlling man tricks wife worried about her health into a pregnancy she has been clear she cannot do, then tries to blackmail and threaten her into continuing’

Let him know you don’t fear his blackmail, because you’ll be telling a different story - to EVERYONE.

Your dad would put you first over any potential baby. Something your husband seems incapable of doing.

Truthfully I can understand him wanting to leave you over it, its an emotionally charged situation and it must be very difficult for him seeing the child he wants so desperately be terminated and to have no say whatsoever. Its downright traumatic when you think about it. But he needs to get a grip and look at the bigger picture.

It would be just as traumatic for you to force yourself to endure the pregnancy, give birth and raise a child you never wanted. And it's cruel to children to bring them up in a family where they weren't wanted.

End of the day it's not a fair situation to anyone, whatever you do. He shouldn't be making it worse with his nastiness and honestly I'd divorce him for that alone. He clearly has no consideration for you at all and I couldn't come back from that, baby or no.

Good luck at the appointment. Whatever you choose to do is right for you. Hope he gets his head out of his arse and if not, stick a boot up there with it.

He's utterly vile.

Can you go visit your Mum? Do you have any friends or family that would be supportive?

He is using your mum, who is still grieving after loosing her life partner?!?

Thats not just ‘being difficult’.

What an awful man!!

You need to start rallying support around you in RL.
He is getting more and more abusive and you need proper support.
Id also plan to go and stay with a friend/family if things get too tricky.
And if you can, see if someone could look after your ds whilst you go to the clinic. On that Saturday appointment or before of you can get organised. I wouldn’t expect him to look after your ds when he knows not being there to do that means you won’t get your appointment

My family (and allot of good friends) don’t live in Uk, but abroad. I’m originally not from here so my husband knows all my family here was him and his family.
I feel really depressed about the whole thing. I’ve been only working part time since our son was born so he was the one paying the bills (majority) and he knows I’m dependant on him.

I’m just trying to get you to see that there is a very different narrative here to be told to friends and family. Not ‘happy family blown apart by evil mum wanting to abort a much loved baby’ but ‘dangerously controlling man tricks wife worried about her health into a pregnancy she has been clear she cannot do, then tries to blackmail and threaten her into continuing’

Yep.
Id be thinking about what you’ll tell other people too. Taking control of the narrative.
Because even if he hasn’t tricked you, he is still controlling and threatening you into a pg that is dangerous for your health. And it’s only fair people know - seeing he is so keen on shouting about it on the roof tops.

Does your workplace have someone you can talk to, to help? A manager or occupational health? They should be there to support your wellbeing. You just sound really vulnerable and isolated.

There is no way he will facilitate your appointment. Is it possible to arrange a playdate for your son at the same time so you can go?

I have asked one of my friends to look after my son while I go to the clinic. She didn’t ask me any questions and I didn’t really tell her much about it.

That’s good @Nikolite !!
Is that still the Saturday appointment?

Good luck @Nikolite