I don’t want this baby.

[Nikolite]

So we have 2.5 year old and to be honest and I’m happy with just one. My husband really wants another baby but I just think our life standard would go down significantly with having one more as my job doesn’t pay that well. He just keeps saying we have to do it for our son, so he has company.
We’ve been having sex maybe once every 2 months (with protection) and I just found out yesterday I’m pregnant. I’m not sure how it is possible.
Also my dad has passed away just 8 weeks ago and my husband thinks our baby is a gift from god or from my dad as to have sex just once in 2 months with protection and still get pregnant it’s miracle.
I don’t even know how to feel about all this.
I don’t feel like being pregnant again. And I don’t want to deal with newborn stage again.
I’m thinking of terminating but feeling guilty about it.
This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. At the moment I’m swaying towards not keeping the baby - purely as of my own mental health. I struggled allot after having our son and couldn’t cope with him crying etc. I just can’t go through it again. My husband keep saying that we need to do this for our son, to give him a sibling so I feel so so guilty but I just don’t think I can do this. He thinks I will regret it later in life when our son asks us why he doesn’t have a sibling but I can only think of how I’m feeling now and I’m feeling really sad and depressed since I’ve found out.

Condoms can break and snap!

The last time I had sex, the first time he put a condom on, it visually snapped in front of us.

He had to take it off and put another one on.

I don't know why anyone would think that condoms are foolproof.

Any thin material can easily snap and tear

Condoms are thin, but very durable. Im always sceptical of people who say that got pregnant using condoms. If you use them correctly its pretty hard to get pregnant.

Sorry, I misread.

I've seen a good few condoms snap and break myself. Luckily we noticed it happen before we had sex.

IMO

No woman should have a child she doesn’t want.

Nobody should have another child just to give their child a sibling - sibling relationships are hit and miss.

Do you really want to have a child with a man who’s treating you like this - giving your happiness so little weight, guilt tripping you and threatening to leave.

I’m so sorry you’re in this position, there isn’t a good outcome, it’s a question of which is the least bad option.

I’m so sorry about the loss of your Dad. You must be in bits.

Now is not a good time for you to have another child. If later you decide you want to, great! Stop using birth control, you’re only in your 30s, you have time.

But you’re sounding very clear that this is not right for you. Don’t put additional burdens on yourself when you’re already grieving and have a preschool child to care for.

Look after yourself first. You can’t be the mum you want to be for your little boy if your mental and physical health is wrecked.

Again, so sorry for your loss 💐

He's probably been putting pinpricks in the condoms or otherwise sabotaging the protection.

You do not have to be pregnant if you don't want to be. It is your body and your choice.

You do not owe you current DC or your DH a little sibling. There are plenty of well-balanced and happy only-children who havd plenty of friends and cousins etc and are not lonely.

Step one to being a good mum is being a happy mum. You cannot be a good mum by making yourself miserable. It doesn't work.

If having an abortion is the best way to continue to be the best mum you can be to your existing DC then that's nothing to feel guilty about.

And if your DH tries any guilt-trips or emotional manipulation you should get rid of him too. He gets one chance to respect your autonomy and if he can't do that he is not a life-partner but an abuser.

You do not have to have another baby just to give your child a sibling!

DH would have liked another baby, but after PND and a traumatic birth I knew I could never put myself through it again. It would have been unfair to everybody.

A 2nd baby became the elephant in the room. In the end I was willing to walk away from my marriage as I didn’t want another baby.

You need to do what is best for YOU. You’ll be the one doing the bulk of the care etc.

You also need to have this conversation with your husband now. Let him grieve, but please put yourself first.

Apparently in real world use 15 out of 100 people in a year will get pregnant using only condoms, though 2 out of 100 with perfect use.

Anyway, irrelevant as OP will never know, and this is NOT her fault.

PS we have a happy only 6 year old. Triangle families are becoming increasingly the norm.

Having this second baby would disadvantage your son, who would have less time with his mum, an unhappier and exhausted mum, possibly an unwell mum if the birth is like the last one, and a resentful mum struggling with two rather than thriving with one. I think it's in your son's best interests you terminate. Please question your own ideas that it's unfair to him to terminate. What's best for your son is what's best for you. A sibling is neither here nor there and there's certainly no guarantee he will benefit in the short or long term from having one. His wellbeing is reliant on you being well and happy.

So OP had a bad time with her first birth and really doesn't want another baby. What sort of man wants to put her through a second experience? What we can conclude is that he is not kind or compassionate and puts his mythical concerns about only children before. his wife's health and desires. Not a keeper.

This happened to me. Only you can decide of course. I kept mine, because I did indeed feel she was gift from my father, but unlike you I had been undecided about having another baby, and although we had decided it might be too much for us, I couldn't go through with a termination. It was a difficult year, but in many ways the distraction of pregnancy and looking after a baby made it easier for me to manage the loss of my father.

Could the condoms have been out of date? Or really cheap ones?

There might be a logical explanation less sinister than that he sabotaged them but I agree it sounds like the condoms have been particularly ineffective.

Or maybe the condom broke but he decided not to tell you so you couldn't take any preventative action...

Apologies, I didn't RTFT. I'd divorce the guy first, and then decide what I'm doing...

So more emotional guilt tripping.

Seriously, regardless of whether you keep the baby or not, THIS would be enough to make reconsider the marriage itself.

Seeing that, please don’t have a child with him.

I know having another baby will ruin me as a person.

This is the crux of it I think OP.

Your primary responsibility is to your son and he needs a mummy who is well and happy.

I'm sorry you're going through this when you've done all the right things to prevent a pregnancy.

It's absolutely rotten luck and completely unfair.

FWIW your husband linking the pregnancy with your dad (I'm so sorry you lost him) is genuinely cruel. To the extent it would really have me thinking about who he is as a person.

I conceived 3 times in 2 years this way - over 40 on 2 of them. We only had one chance that month.

If the sex was so infrequent then loads of people would suggest she had got pregnant 'accidentally' (with inverted commas, accusing her of doing it on purpose) yes - it happens on almost every thread about unexpected pregnancies where the man isn't / wasn't keen on another baby.

As an only child, I'd never have wanted the same for any of my children. My parents are elderly now, and I'm having to deal with the reality of coping with them dying and dealing with it all by myself which is genuinely upsetting for me - I won't lie.

Please consider the above before you make a decision because it's not insignificant.

When I told him I’m thinking of terminating, he said he won’t be a part of this family anymore.

What a pathetic excuse for a father saying he won't be part of the family (in which he already has a child) if you terminate the pregnancy.

He seems to think that threatening something that would make him a shit dad (leaving the family unit as a guilt trip) will make you more keen to have another child with him.

So he's an idiot as well as an arsehole.

I'm so cross for you OP, I'm so sorry.

This is awful.

OP it's clear you shouldn't feel you have to have this baby, when it's not what you want. And you don't need to feel guilty.

But it also seems clear that you and your husband want very different things from the future, and as a result this has now become toxic - on the basis of his behaviour (not yours).

You only want the one child, while he wants a bigger family. He is entitled to want that but it's wrong of him to try and force you to provide it for him. It sounds like both of you need to go your separate ways.

It really is. Such emotional blackmail. He sounds sinister.

Don't know if it's been mentioned but there is no guarantee that your son would get on and play with a sibling.
Second all those saying take control of your own fertility, a coil (copper if you want a normal period cycle though they may be heavier and a bit more crampy)
would not be detected by him.
It's your body, your mental health, your choice @Nikolite