And AGAIN, where the hell was the father?!

[PyongyangKipperbang]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c8elyx27p56o

Not suggesting he is responsible for their deaths but.....

They lived in squalor, the toilet and bath were both unusable due to being filled with rubbish so they used pots and buckets instead. He knew that the mother left them to go to the local shop and appears to be fine with that, and describes her as a "good mother". WTF?!

Two sets of twins in under two years and where the hell was he? Even in a strong team working marriage that would be a struggle, but a single mother doing it.....

I am not making excuses for her. What she did both before their deaths and in what caused their deaths was inexcusable. But if you knew that your childs other parent was struggling to that extent then you should step up, and if you dont know then you are not involved enough in their lives to know that they are living in filth.

He isnt directly responsible for their deaths but he is surely guilty of neglect?! How the fucking hell has not been charged with that?!

The fact is that he didnt take his children out of squalor and look after them properly.

My point isnt that she shouldnt be in prison, but that their father should be charged too.

Absolutely.

The fact is you have no idea if he was even aware of that.

Exactly. Where was he in all of this? Those poor boys .

Where did you read that about social services?

No, but I'd expect him to notice if our kids were living in squalor and I'd expect him to step in if I was routinely leaving them alone to go shopping.

Would you not expect that? I'd say it was absolute base level parenting.

There is a description in one article I read of a rapid recent deterioration in her mental health in the few months prior to this. He may not have been in the house in that time to know they were living in squalor. No ex of mine would be crossing the threshold and the kids were all too young to know/communicate that how they were living was not normal.
He may have been a shit dad. But he was not the one who left them home alone. That lies squarely with the mother. Several family members and neighbours seem to have known she was leaving them to run to the shops, not just him.

The last two paragraphs of the bbc article explain pretty clearly why no charges have been brought against him.

They were under her care. Not his.

He was their father. He should have protected the poor children from their mother. He should have stepped up when he found out she left the poor babies alone.

There are some facts to be fair.

His kids lived in squalor and he didn't know/care.

His kids were left alone while their mother went shopping, which he did know, but thought was ok.

I'd say that's enough to view him negatively.

If he wasnt aware of that then he wasnt involved in their lives enough, which is neglect in itself.

Even picking them up for contact he would have seen evidence, and if he didnt pick them up then he wasnt involved. Or if she dropped them to him, without a working bath, he would have known they were not being bathed simply by the smell especially as the 2 year olds would have been in nappies until recently, possibly were still in them at their death.

Why are you trying to defend yet another useless man who fucks, and fucks off?

She was obviously mentally unwell and couldn't cope. It doesn't mean she wanted them dead or didn't love them.

THE GRANDMOTHER GAVE A STATEMENT SAYING THE MOTHER HAD BLOCKED FATHER AND PATERNAL FAMILY FROM CONTACT - AND THAT DAD & GRAN HAD REPORTED CONCERNS TO SOCIAL SERVICES.

THIS THREAD SHOULD BE PULLED, AND POSTERS SHOULD REFLECT ON THEIR TREATMENT OF A BEREAVED FATHER.

MISANDRY AND RACISM.

REPORTED.

i would have thought he would notice the boys clothing etc when they were in his care eg neglect

He knew they were being left at home alone - neglected - we know that because he says so.

Obviously mentally unwell? Why is this an acceptable response?

edites bc posted mid comment accidentally

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13922269/inside-lives-four-brothers-died-fire-mother-home-final-words.html?ito=native_share_article-nativemenubutton

If social services were involved then there will inevitably be a "we have learned lessons from this tragedy" type statement which will change nothing.

It just seems to me that no one ever questions the father in cases like this. Its all on the mother.

Absolutely this.

I'm not defending him. Innocent until proven guilty is usually the way we do things. You (or the police investigating) have found no evidence of any wrongdoing by him.

So all fathers who (for myriad reasons) are not involved in their kids lives are guilty of neglect? OK then.

With that statement and along with your last paragraph in your PP show your bias.

Good luck with your witch hunt.

The father said that he knew the mother left them home alone so he is partly responsible. So sad they were failed by both parents.

I read that her mother knew they were being left alone as she called and the boys would tell her their mother was at the shops. It was a common occurrence and known to a few people.

I also read that social services closed the case a few months ago. The door was locked so they couldn't get out. Those poor little boys hid under the bed.

Then when she came back, the mother told the fire brigade that she had left them in someone's care and they wasted time searching for them.

I don't have sympathy for her and those little boys were failed by everyone.

This

I am sorry that my posting this has caused you such pain, you obviously have close connections with the family. It was not my intention to do that.

My issue isnt with this father in particular but with the fact that in every neglect case, the focus is on the mother. Personally I find that misogynistic. As if only the mother has the requirement to care for kids and dads can leg it.

I am not racist. My black (legal, divorce on going) husband and my mixed race daughter will both tell you that.

Why wasn't he aware?

He fathered the children and buggered off.

He should have been aware of how his children were living.