Ever met someone you later learned had done something really bad? **Content warning: thread contains mentions of child abuse**

[user2848502016]

Just asking because a few months ago someone I worked with suddenly stopped coming to work... then we found out he had been found guilty of possessing child porn 😬
He hadn't been working with us for long so didn't know him that well but he just seemed like a nice, slightly boring middle aged man! I know you can't ever tell by looking at someone but it just made me think anyone I know could be doing anything behind closed doors.....

Thread titled edited by MNHQ to add a content warning

I think enough people pointed it out in the first few replies. No need for a pile on really is there

In most cases of dementia, it’s recent memories that are lost first. The process has been likened to bookshelves - the top shelf contains recent memories - the first to be swept away. The very oldest - bottom shelf - are the last to go, which is why when many people with dementia want to go ‘home’, they may well mean a home where they lived 60 odd years ago.

My own DM at 90+ used to tell me she ought to go and visit her parents - dead some 30 and 50 years - because ‘they must be getting old and could do with some help’. The house hadn’t even existed since the 1970s.

@Rosscameasdoody the fact that you expected someone to pull you up on your objection to anyone standing up for child victims should tell you that you’re in the wrong.

I dont think he attacked his victims because he thought they were sex workers. He attacked them because they were alone and he thought he would get away with it.

I'm not even sure if he hated women or just liked killing people. Women or girls on their own made less risky targets.

Not all of them were sex workers, the police kept putting out that narrative because it fit with their theory.

Yes, she was no Myra Hindley or Rose West. 🙄

Yes, same situation basically. The man also worked with children.

I knew Harold Shipman professionally, I thought he was very engaged with his Patient care, unlike many of his peers. I liked him but I also met his wife and thought she was a bit odd
Its strange because I am known for being a really good judge of character and often pick up when things are a bit "off" but I completely missed that one

Why do people think this?

The word pornography doesn't tell us anything about the content being consensual, only that it is intended to be used for sexual gratification. Even snuff films which are obviously not porn are classed as pornography.

This is one of those weird things that someone, somewhere suddenly decided meant something different.

It's pornography involving children, which of course means that the children were abused, or that it is a depiction of abuse if it's not actually children involved.

"Child abuse images" would not necessarily have to be pornographic.

Quite.
There were ten posts objecting to the use of the term before that poster posted.
I think once people see the point has been made they don't feel the need to make it again. It's been said. It's been, rightly, challenged.

There was a family in our town that had a bit of a reputation for being "a bit rough" but ok. (Think 11 kids, all a bit grubby and slightly neglected) The oldest boy who was 17 at the time offered to look after our family dog when we went on holiday. My mum was reluctant but agreed. He was great with the dog and took her out for hours on end, fed and looked after her. When we came back, my mum gave him some cash and a box of fudge to say thank you and he cried because he was so grateful to have something that was just his. (Literally one box of fudge!)
A few years later, he went on to batter a local elderly couple and their dog to death after breaking into their house and them coming home unexpectedly. It was shocking but since then more and more of the family have been in trouble for some dreadful crimes. Goodness knows what went on at home for the kids to all turn out like it. Incredibly sad situation.

I worked with the same person😮

But you are virtue signalling. The point has already been made. Lots of times. It's absolutely correct but we have all got the message now.

I was sexually abused as a child by the way before you accuse me of not understanding. It's actually more triggering to read your message and others over and over again than acknowledging that the op made a clumsy mistake and moving on.

He was an SS officer...what do you think that means? He wasn´t a common or garden soldier.

Well none of us know why - I just related what was said during the trial. You may well be right, but part of the 'getting away with it' is seeking out people who might not be as missed as other members of society or who are arguably less able to fend him off.

Personally I think he was just an evil arsehole - on that we can all agree.

A man i used to work with, didnt have much to do with him, but he was slightly odd, early 30's married, no kids. He was moved onto another account at work which nobody really thought about.

Till one day he was on the front page of our local paper going to court for raping his young nieces. Work knew all about it, he was moved onto another account as his security clearance was revoked and had to be moved to an account that didnt need clearance.

He was then given garden leave for his own safety as you can imagine nobody wanted to sit next to him and quite a few people wanted to punch his lights out.

He was jailed. And still seemed to think his job would be held open for him. (it wasnt)

I was absolutely not objecting to the first few postings pulling up posters as to why the term ‘child pornography’ was unacceptable - I posted upthread myself in answer to someone asking how it should be referred to. There is not one single post in defence of child abuse here, it’s about the language used to describe it. And my objection was to posters repeatedly raking through the thread from posts hours ago, and in some cases yesterday, and repeating the same things that others had said. I was pulled up by one poster using a post from last night as an example of someone who ‘still didn’t get it’ when that post had already been answered several times. It’s derailing, and some posters are bordering on personal attack insinuating that posters objecting to the turn the thread has taken are somehow not just supporting the phrasing used, but the act itself. It’s ridiculous.

Plus it meant they didn't have to lift a finger if it was "only" prostitutes 🙄

The Netflix documentary was very good but made me incredibly angry.

How does porn make it consensual

Revenge porn - not consensual?
Snuff porn - probably not consensual?
Regular porn - sometimes not consensual?

I think by getting worked up about using the word porn almost detracts from the actual issue. Are we in danger of using it to signal our anger and disapproval at the wrong targets?

USA Porn defined by Dictionary.com - Sometimes por·no []. pornography; sexually explicit videos, photographs, writings, or the like, produced to elicit sexual arousal (often used attributively):

There is no explicit consent in porn (unless thats your bag)

When I was in a flat share, a neighbour came round to help decorate. The next day, he killed himself because he had been found out by the police for child abuse images was awaiting sentencing.
Again, a brother of a family friend also killed himself when the police found out. Actually, I think he had fled to Australia to escape detection many years ago, from what I deduce. I think that he was involved with very serious offences.

Yep that's the one I watched and it made me feel the same.

The majority of the posts seem to be about child sexual abuse and the re estimation of numbers of men involved is frightening.
As a social worker, I worked with so many abused and traumatised children, in and out of care; and so many manipulative and perverted men, alone and in groups, that it forever changed my views.
I haven't mentioned them in this thread because most of the abusers I met, I already knew what they were.

But there was one man I knew socially who lived in the village. He was a very successful businessman, lived in one of the bigger houses, children at good schools, trophy wife, all that.
It was a shock to find that he had been sexually abusing his daughters and some of their friends.
To me, it showed how deeply paedophilia goes. He had a young and gorgeous wife, plus he could have afforded to buy any kind of extra sexual services to gratify any unmet needs. But he went there.
I think because he could. All tied up with power and ownership, secrecy and breaking taboos, as well as rape.
That is also why I do not believe that paedophiles can be treated or rehabilitated.

My school friend’s father, he was raping her all through her teens, possibly before. When I first met him I was 13 and he seemed so friendly and likeable. As time went on his “friendliness” was more creepy, he would make comments on my looks all the time, most of our friend group felt uncomfortable around him.

Agree. I think it’s pretty poor to judge the capacity of dementia sufferers for accurate long term memory recall based on the quite insulting description of ‘can’t remember their own partner’s name and forget to turn the oven off after cooking’. If you have no understanding of dementia, why post ?

It's terrifying isn't it. What is equally terrifying is the number of people who must be covering for them or making excuses for them also. I know this isn't the case for everyone but it must be quite common for people to turn a blind eye.

I couldn't believe a conversation I had the other day with a friend where a mutual acquaintance of ours was caught by local vigilante paedophile catchers messaging an underage girl (I realise not technically paedophilia but still) and my friend was saying how sorry she felt for him as he was just misguided - WTAF!! He knew she was 14 before he messaged, end of!!