To think joining the PTA was a big mistake?

[PTAstandsforPainInTheArse]

I've been a member for a couple of years, Chair for a year and now I'm just miserable with it. We are actually a "friends of" rather than a pta as the teachers at some point, refused. Which is fine, they certainly so enough in my eyes.

There's 10 of us in the committee, 3 are standing down, 2 never respond to messages, and everything just seems to be a battle.

I feel like I'm doing everything from uniform sorts to organising discos, all the documentation needed, battle with the school with what they will and won't let us do as we can't do anything involving sweet sales or cake sales.

Now I've just had a message about something that I was pretty sure someone else said they were sorting but apparently they're not.

Parents moan about everything but don't bloody volunteer!

Why do I bother?

Is every other one like this too?

I want to give up but seeing as I'm going to be at the school for another few years, I thought it would be a good thing to do!

Urgh!

Run. Why feel miserable then not paid your time. You have done your part.

You can only do what you have time for. At my kids school they are clear that events cannot run without volunteers. They publish at the start of the year what events they want to do and how many volunteers they need and say that they won’t run them if they don’t get volunteers. And then they don’t run some things. The volunteers don’t have to be PTA members and attend meetings, they might be people who can help at a disco for 2 hours or wrapping presents for an afternoon.

If someone has decided they can’t help with a particular event they were supposed to do, just let everyone know it won’t be happening. I think this is the only way to get more people involved, when things stop happening.

I worked at a school where there was no PTA for a while, as the parents just wouldn’t engage.

Just step down.
If someone else wants to take over then they can or the whole thing will fizzle out.
This might mean there's no Christmas disco/secondhand uniform/book swap/summer fayre.....but maybe then people will realise how much is actually organised by PTAs.

You're all right but I'm right in the throes of organising 2 events, 1 is sorted, 1 still needs volunteers!

Now I've literally just had another committee member throw a grenade in the group and has now bugger off!

I think I'll see it through til Xmas then resign.

But even the school are difficult but for fuck's sake, I'm doing it for you!! Arrgh!!

No good deed goes unpunished.

Just hand in your resignation with immediate effect on the last day of term, and hand any documents or paperwork you have into the school office for safekeeping over the Christmas break. I expect the receptionist will refuse point blank to take the stuff, so have it in a labelled box or carrier, put it down and make haste.

The school don't really get involved other than to say what they want money for, say no to ideas and sell tickets etc through their parent portal.

I wish I could hand in my resignation now but I'd feel so guilty.

That definitely doesn’t sound like an ideal set up and nothing voluntary should make you feel so rubbish and be so stressful. Our ‘friends of’ group runs on a core of volunteers and we normally rustle up more for each of our events to run. If that doesn’t happen we simply can’t do it all. So get your two events done and let it go. The school may become a bit more flexible when they feel the impact of losing income from the events you run. But building a core of volunteers is necessary too and you can’t will it into existence. You’ve obviously tried.

From a school perspective, while the idea of pta sounds lovely, the reality is that any fundraising they do is literally a drop in the ocean compared to the extra money schools actually need. Teachers have enough to do without getting involved in stuff that makes no tangible difference to learning. From a parent perspective, you certainly get fatigued by the whole thing past first dc. I used to joke that I'd just write a cheque at the beginning of the year and then they would leave you alone!

Who do you liaise with at school? Do they realise that they are actually making it harder rather than supporting you? I’d have a very frank conversation with them. Do they realise that it’s in danger of not longer existing and the money disappearing?
I’m a teacher and I don’t think asking a couple of hours of staff time once or twice a year is really too much. It’s the way it’s always been for as long as I’ve been alive!

Quit. Let the school fund all these things themselves and then maybe they'll appreciate parents like you giving up your own time.
I wasted years beating my head off a brick wall as chair of a PTA, teachers were the most ungrateful bunch and it really made me regret sending my kids there in the end.
I understand you feel like you're doing it for your own kids too, but honestly it's the most thankless, soul destroying thing to get involved in.

I wish I could hand in my resignation now but I'd feel so guilty
@PTAstandsforPainInTheArse then it seems you will have to make the choice between guilt or resentment, or be trapped in the liminal zone between the two (as all volunteers surely are??).

Just step down. Honestly, this was the sort of thing I avoided like the plague.

I used to volunteer as well, I stood down as I just couldn't hack the unreliability and drama of the other volunteers. Don't feel guilty, you've done more than most people ever do, and you could always say you're happy to be considered to help with future events (if you wanted to) without the same commitment or having to deal with the same crap.

Parents moan about everything but don't bloody volunteer!

This is what pushed me over the edge. Fine to not volunteer of course, but moaning about not having x this year or whatever is crazy work.

It always used to amuse me that when we asked for volunteers the most common excuse was "I can't because I need to be with my children."
Stop press: So did most if not all of the volunteers too...

Yes!!! I would be so up for giving a donation at the start of the year, and then you don't need to volunteer. Me and DH both have full time jobs and are rarely available for whatever 'fun' event they think up to volunteer for at 9am on a Tuesday, so I end up feeling guilty. I'm on the periphery of the PTA and regret getting involved! Our chair is stepping down and I can't see anyone else volunteering, the PTA nearly had to disband a couple of years ago for this reason.

I have to utterly disagree.
The money raised by our PTA is invaluable.

My kids primary school used to raise a huge amount

Unfortunately from my own experience as a parent and from working with many schools over the years, there always seems to be one person like you at every school who tries so hard to help out through volunteering with the PTA. Then when others realise you're doing a really good job, they stop pulling their weight, take advantage of you, and leave you to it. So many people just can't be bothered to help out with organising events etc, but will be the first to moan when things don't happen. Just be proud of what you've done and don't be afraid to stand down when you've really had enough. As the new academic year has only just started, there are likely to be new Reception parents who will be eager to help out - until they realise how much work is involved!

Whilst I agree that overall the amount raised is a drop in the ocean, the PTAs in couple of the schools I work with raise well over £10,000 every year, which can make a huge difference for some of the things thst schools can't afford to pay for nowadays. But it's soul destroying work.

It is ALWAYS a big mistake.
Step down now before you get too indoctrinated and never get out of!!!

Ours was the same, the money often went on stuff that enhanced the children's experience but wouldn't be permissible most likely from school budgets anyway- leavers hoodys, ice cream van on last day etc amongst the more practical stuff.

Give yourself permission to resign, you have done more than most. If you give them notice now and say that you will stop at January, they have plenty of time to either replace you or cut back.

I refuse to join in with any of this stuff. I know some of the pta members find it uncool that I'm so distant. But as a family we are already stretched so thin. I just do not have the capacity. Sometimes you have to draw your own boundaries. Resign with a decent amount of notice if it's making you miserable

The tip I'd like to pass on is approaching people in person rather than sending out generic messages asking if anyone can help.
Ask for specific help - " can you run the x stall for 2 hours at the Xmas fair." Or " could you help seat up / pack up before/ after the fair- it'll only take a couple of hours" .

I do heartily disagree with expecting teachers to do the volunteering though. I once sat in a staff meeting where a TA who was also a parent told us how embarrassing it was that only 1/3 of the teaching staff had signed up to help at an event. This was a 3 form entry school, so well over 500 children in attendance, each with 2 parents. Yes some will be siblings but there must have been 600+ parents there. Had she managed to get 1/3 of them to volunteer? Of course not, about 10 perhaps. Teachers don’t benefit from the money - the children do, so the parents should be the ones volunteering to help raise it. I’ll help at my own kids school, not the one I teach at.

Honestly OP, I know it’s hard but you shouldn’t feel guilty. You’ve done your bit, it’s time to let someone else do theirs. If no one else steps up, well, there won’t be a PTA and the other parents will see what happens to discos, quiz nights etc when they don’t bother. Do your 2 events and make it clear you’re done.