To think joining the PTA was a big mistake?

[PTAstandsforPainInTheArse]

I've been a member for a couple of years, Chair for a year and now I'm just miserable with it. We are actually a "friends of" rather than a pta as the teachers at some point, refused. Which is fine, they certainly so enough in my eyes.

There's 10 of us in the committee, 3 are standing down, 2 never respond to messages, and everything just seems to be a battle.

I feel like I'm doing everything from uniform sorts to organising discos, all the documentation needed, battle with the school with what they will and won't let us do as we can't do anything involving sweet sales or cake sales.

Now I've just had a message about something that I was pretty sure someone else said they were sorting but apparently they're not.

Parents moan about everything but don't bloody volunteer!

Why do I bother?

Is every other one like this too?

I want to give up but seeing as I'm going to be at the school for another few years, I thought it would be a good thing to do!

Urgh!

Just walk away OP. You can't do it alone.

You've been let down by parents & the school when you needed support - they carry the guilt for their kids missing out, not you.

You've given 2 years more than the vast majority ever will, who just sit around bemoaning the fact that there's no vegan options on a BBQ and they totally would join the PTA but, but, but... Something something clique something yummy mummies something something BS BS.

I did 2 years. It was enough.
I moved to volunteer with scouts, so much better & parents are supportive.

Speaking for our school:

Coding teacher
Chess teacher
Extra PE coaches
Books for the library
Sensory Room
New playground equipment
New carpets for Early Years

Off the top of my head ours (10-12k annual income) bought:
A trim trail for the field
White boards for the classrooms
A PA system
Easter eggs & a christmas present (book)
And the think the school wanted to save the next few years to replace the minibus.

You can ask for your school/PTA to provide the accounts info if you're concerned or interested @Princessfluffy

£60k on sports area
£18k on a library refurb
Summer fair which raises another £3k
Xmas Raffle raises £2k
Then we pay for Chromebooks, sports equipment, classroom equipment etc. We pay for loads.

You'd be surprised!

We tried this and about fifteen parents (of 480 children) actually sent in money.

People talk a good talk, but they don't actually want to give money for what they see as "getting nothing"

It's fine to stand down. I did it for a couple of years too and I was amazed at the unwillingness to help. There was one woman who did an unbelievable amount - really she was brilliant, and would do all the crappy wreath-making table organising and the drudge work brilliantly. Then there were the people who (like me, to be fair!) loved having ambitious meetings but would rather die than man the bar at an event. No fathers to be seen, of course.

It varies by demographic a lot though, of course. I've lived in a few different places, and schools where there were a lot of low income and unemployed parents, or a lot of high earning families with a stay at home parent were the absolute best - lots of time donated, lots of cash donated. Guaranteed enthusiasm. Schools where most families have two parents working long hours to pay their insane mortgage were the worst, because those families have the least to offer in terms of time and cash. Not blaming, just observing. That was the hardest kind of school to fundraise at.

Mostly I found it disheartening because you really need to be on the PTA (if you're not a teacher etc.) to understand the utter shitshow of education funding.

OP - you have done more than the vast majority of people. It's fine to stand down now.

Resign today and find something else to do that you enjoy.

Thanks for the replies on what PTAs pay for, sounds like a lot of great stuff!

I would have thought that schools would value the contribution, and as a parent I definitely would have.

Is there high visibility amongst parents as to what the PTA funds I wonder? I wasn't on the PTA when I had dc at primary but I did volunteer to help with all their events. I don't remember ever seeing where the money went though. Maybe if parents could vote on how the money should be spent more would be engaged?

@Princessfluffy done properly a PTA should publish their financial records and show where money is being spent every year.

That’s just ridiculous.
Goodness if a kid can’t have a sweet at a disco what is the world coming to! I think I would have left if they’re going to be so daft. We just have a no nut rule.
Biscuit and cake decorating at fairs and competitions always go so well! And selling ice creams in the summer after school and sports day.

I’m currently in recovery from a period of time on a PTA! I had a named committee role and, for a while, was pretty much holding it together. But I stepped down this July and am now happily back to being an ‘ordinary’ parent.

It’s a bit like the Charles Dickens quote: ‘It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.’ Brilliant camaraderie, some wonderful people and numerous moments when I was brought to the verge of tears due to sheer anger and frustration. 😂

People criticise PTAs for being clique-y or exclusive but being part of a parent group is actually a superb training in working with others. Even in the workplace it is very easy to slip into a siloed mindset - we might work with people of similar values or politics - and unless you work directly with the public it is very easy not to come into contact with people from a different background. But on a PTA, everyone is a parent and they have a valid point of view. Even if you don’t like it yourself…

I learned a lot from doing it…but I am glad it’s done!

My advice to anyone running a parent group would be:

Keep expectations reasonable. If you don’t have the capacity for certain events, then just don’t do them. Nothing is set in stone, not even the Christmas Fayre!

Play to people’s strengths and let people run with things, even if it’s not quite the way that you would do it yourself. As long as the health and safety aspects are covered, it will probably be okay.

Doing something outward looking, such as raising funds for an external charity or good cause, can sometimes galvanise parental interest in a way that raising funds for the PTA/school might not. It’s counter intuitive, but I think it works.

Keep good records and use formal mechanisms such as voting at meetings to avoid endless rounds of ‘But I thought we were doing X, Y and Z.’ If it’s been voted and agreed, that’s what we’re doing.

I thought about joining the pta but dds pta at school is well attended so I just donate my time at the fundraisers at stalls wherever they need me.

Our pta is invaluable to our school, I wish they would let me set up a direct debit for £10 a month.

It's fine to resign op, you've done so much. It's time for someone else.

@papadontpreach2me at my school we went for the concept that every parent was technically in the PTA but no one had to be involved at all or attend meetings (unless you were the committee) unless you wanted to.
If you gave your time at a stall - that's being on the PTA 🙂

Having been a PTA founder, Chair, Co Chair, Deputy Chair and ordinary member for many years I can tell you the following

Your child will NOT get to be Mary
We aren't all SAHM (yes MUMS there will probably be no Dads)
We didn't all give up great careers so now need to prove ourselves this way instead
We don't have loads of money or free time
Nobody will ever thank you
You will get criticised regularly
You will get called a clique, cabal, cult etc (and worse)
We aren't all mates with a plan to take over the school mwahh hahahahaha!!!
Your kid gets no special treatment if they misbehave
Nobody has ANY idea of what goes into the simplest event
Everyone likes to suggest but not actually DO anything
We happily accept suggestions but won't necessarily be able to do them for practical reasons so don't get arsey.
Please don't complain to us about anything non PTA we have NO power.
Sorting 90 leavers hoodies is a pain in the arse and please don't order once 2 weeks after the cut off or change how you want your childs initials to look last minute.
Tickest for events are limited due to H&S, we can't just "add one more on" and yes, our kids will be there (paid for) or we probably can't go either.

I could write a book, the sequal would be "how once escaping The PTA I stupidly became a Governor"

@Hoppinggreen I agree except at my daughter's school we did have a lot of PTA Dads too 🙂

I think one WAS sighted at an event once (but that was probably a myth)

@Hoppinggreen my husband was Father Christmas at the grotto for a few years 🙂
You need PTA dads just for that 😂

You clearly never met our Deputy Headmistress

I ended up being a joint chair with 2 others, and we found this worked the best and avoided the 'on your own' feelings that most previous chairs had. It also meant that we were a useful sized group on our own to help with stuff.

I do still remember though when trying to get class parents to stand at a stall for 30 mins, one mum said she couldn't do it as "she had children". Fair enough, perhaps she wasn't coming to the fair as her DH was working, but my brain immediately went to:
a. we all have DC as otherwise we wouldn't be here and b. these 3 small things standing next to me are not potatoes... She didn't help, and didn't speak to me for the rest of the time at that school as I think my eye roll may have reached back to my heels when she said it.

She was at the fair, with her DH and children. Sigh.

Just leave op you have served your time. It really is extraordinary that you try and do a good thing for the community at some personal cost then get slagged off for your efforts!

I still feel relieved when I walk past the primary school that I’m not involved any more! It’s given me an aversion to volunteering in the future that’s for sure. NEVER AGAIN!!!

That said dd2 was Mary mwahhaaa!!!

OP if it isn't working for you then stop. You've already contributed way more in terms of time than most other parents so no need to feel guilty.

It's a shame people are so negative about PTA's though. I was Chair of a (secondary) PTA and it did a lot of good for the school and parents. It was a lot of work but I made good friends and don't regret the time spent. All of us worked so we did what we could.

If there are not enough volunteers just cancel the event. And block anyone who is rude to you via WhatsApp etc. it is liberating.

@Hoppinggreen for some reason I am imagining Miss Trunchball dressed as Father Christmas and handing out coal.....
😂

So you HAVE met her?

@Hoppinggreen oh dear.....I was hoping you'd say "oh no she was lovely" 😂😬

Step down.