To think joining the PTA was a big mistake?

[PTAstandsforPainInTheArse]

I've been a member for a couple of years, Chair for a year and now I'm just miserable with it. We are actually a "friends of" rather than a pta as the teachers at some point, refused. Which is fine, they certainly so enough in my eyes.

There's 10 of us in the committee, 3 are standing down, 2 never respond to messages, and everything just seems to be a battle.

I feel like I'm doing everything from uniform sorts to organising discos, all the documentation needed, battle with the school with what they will and won't let us do as we can't do anything involving sweet sales or cake sales.

Now I've just had a message about something that I was pretty sure someone else said they were sorting but apparently they're not.

Parents moan about everything but don't bloody volunteer!

Why do I bother?

Is every other one like this too?

I want to give up but seeing as I'm going to be at the school for another few years, I thought it would be a good thing to do!

Urgh!

Yes, I can imagine the school doesn't get involved, but you will need to hand over paperwork to someone when you resign, and the other people on the PTA will run a mile! They won't want to take hold of it because they'll be scared of being badgered into becoming Chair. If you leave the stuff at school reception, you can simply wash your hands of it and walk away.

Day dreaming of that!

However, we have set up one drive to keep all our files so we can all access it so the only paperwork I have, are just my notes/endless to do lists and endless scribbles

I was in your position when my kids were in primary school. I felt like a complete mug. But you live and learn. When they moved on to senior school I kept well away.

Ugh sorry to hear this OP. Sounds like our school the last few years. It's been a slog.

This year though we made a new poster, and instead of 'join the PTA' we went with 'We need event organisers, burger flippers, face painters, fund application writers, hot chocolate servers, Christmas tree decorators, DJ's, money counters, table movers, washer uppers, gazebo erectors, stall holders...You!'

And had SO many new joiners, from all year groups. I think the idea of the PTA put people off, but thinking 'oh I could flip a burger!' is okay. We genuinely haven't tried anything else different so very much giving all credit to the poster !

I think it's fine to step down OP - it's fine for it to be a little challenging, not fine for it to be a total headache-inducing slog.

Ours is also a Friends of. I'm not on the committee because meetings are hell for me (in general and thanks to ND), and they seem to be meeting central. But I have a particular skill and contribute that skill 5-6 times a year. The chair is lovely but seems to carry the world on his shoulders. The previous chair was formerly the CEO of a major corporation, and ditto! My sense is that the events etc get overambitious very quickly at ours, and so then they need absolutely loads of people to make it happen and everyone gets fatigued and arsey.

Seriously. Do 1 year and you've done your fair share.
I was on a Playgroup committee back in the day. I did 1 year then was told that if I didn't continue the Playgroup would close down. So I resigned anyway.

Can you give notice that you are resigning except will be completing x and y events. You will not therefore take part in starting or planning anything new. No need to give any reason.

Don't feel like a mug. It's wonderful for the school community to have events like summer fairs. To all volunteers on PTAs thank you!

Just don't expect everyone to be the same. That's all. Do as much as you want to do.

Then step away when you're done. It's appreciated. But it's not a lifelong commitment.

Omg flashbacks to being committee chair for a committee run preschool. Absolute nightmare and in fact I feel angry looking back because the 3 years I had children at the preschool I couldn't enjoy just being a preschool parent at all, it was constant. Hours of work, hours of stress, sitting in on staff appraisals, being interviewed by Ofsted, working out pay rises... I had no idea how much work it would be.
Like you I wanted to run but ended up doing it for a year longer than I wanted to because there was no one to hand it over to and the preschool would close without a chair. Literally had parents begging me to carry on because they had no alternative childcare!

Do whatever you can to get out! In the end I announced I was dropping it in two months whatever the consequences and someone else magically came out of the woodwork with the time on their hands to take over!

I did it, and it was a pain in the arse for a load of utter arseholes.

You do it for the kids but no one really cares.

I threw it in.

I did pta chair for a few yrs & always struggled to get volunteers. We had to cancel all Yr groups school discos at fairly short notice after much begging for volunteers with notes, fb etc. Lots of disappointed kids but we had a surplus of parents volunteer for the next discos which continued for a couple yrs after.

I gave hundreds of hours to a voluntary role, although not PTA/school related and the life lessons I learnt:

1. An organisation rarely values something that it is getting for free.
2. There is a danger of job substitution whereby paid roles are replaced by voluntary roles.

Volunteering feels like an indulgence these days given cost of living issues. Maximising hours of paid employment is a priority.

Quit and be open why. And then ignore the comments behind your back as they will come.

I had several experiences with volunteering.

Junior School - signed up on their volunteer bank to overhear PTA members saying "oh, we actually don't need them but nobody send out a message, what do we do now with them?". Sorry, either you want help or you don't.

Y6 leaving do/yearbook/gifts - it was a nightmare, from a group of 15, 5 survived and only because we wanted to have our kids to have something amazing.
We had huge privacy issues regarding photos and then were confronted with talks about excluding children when we had huge spreadsheets how often a child was on a photo to make it fair. Sorry, we couldn't include photos with children not in the year group as we had no permission to do so and your amazing holiday shot was just not suitable.

NCT sale - I organised it for 3 years and was fed up with people not coming to collect items, not available when promised for specific, previously agreed tasks without communication and let down by the chair herself as she preferred dealing with her best buddy instead.

DH is a Scout lead volunteer and luckily our group is taking this a lot more serious. I still remember him storming out of a meeting when he was questioned and not taken seriously why it took so long to get the photos for the Y6 yearbook organised when he spent days to try and get permission forms organised (and copyright/GDPR is his main job).

When I tried to join the PTA, it was super cliquey. They had no interest in the opinions of anyone not in the "clique" and just wanted plebs to order around. We were organising a fete and anything I, or any other newbie, suggested was shut down.

I did one event, and left. I've no interest in being involved in an organisation like that. Others didn't bother after the first meeting. If you want people to step up and give their free time, you actually need to allow them to get involved and contribute wherever skills or experience they can bring to the group or people will get pissed off and leave.

I think you should stand down. You've done your time, you're not enjoying it anymore, youre being taken for granted, and you're (understandably) starting to become resentful of everyone who you think should, but isn't doing their part.
I occasionally volunteer to help with things but have never been involved in the committee because I see what it does to others, and I just don't have the time or will to be involved. When I have volunteered, I find that they tend to task the occasional voluteers with the crappier tasks, thereby ensuring they are unlikely to offer to help again. No one on the committee ever says thank you, and they constantly complain about the lack of help whilst continuing to martyr themselves.
Get out now before that happens to you!

You're not wrong, it's hideous and a thankless task.
I did it for a long time and volunteers are like hens teeth apart from a core few.
And the moaning parents who expect the events and the fun stuff and the free babysitting (discos) are the first to moan if it's not up to their standards but they NEVER volunteer.
You have done your bit. Good luck with passing it on!

Why on earth can’t you do cake sales? They usually make decent amounts for little effort.

The school should be able to do stuff like arrange the discos with a Friends of set up. You just need to come up with the ideas.
We post volunteer sign up sheets online for things like helping at xmas stalls at the fair. People are often ok to volunteer for 30-60 mins even if they don’t come to any meetings. Same with staff.

Sadly it takes stuff being cancelled and not happening to make people realise that volunteers are not amazing magical creatures. Sad but true. Ask any volunteer

Our PTA was moaning they don't have enough volunteers but you need a dbs for everything. I can't get a ds as I'm not allowed near my autistic dd.

@RareitySparkles you don't need a DBS to be on a PTA.

Probably not but I can't volunteer at any of the school events so it's pointless being on the committee. I'm a governor at another school so I know I'd pass enhanced dbs. I'm just not welcome near the kids

Say your work commitments no longer allow you to dedicate the time required to the role, and step down at Christmas. Job done.

But also the PTA committe has to realise that treating additional volunteers decently helps to keep them and attracts more.

Not everyone is able to commit all the time but is able to help ad-hoc for events.

I think you have some misplaced resentment towards me because I'm the chair, we're not all cliquey bitches!

I do always message the volunteers to say thank you after an event, always! I've made a point of doing that since becoming chair because those 2 words go a long way in my opinion.