Uncle Billy lost his willy

[ThreeLocusts]

Jingle bells, Batman smells/Robin flew away/uncle Billy lost his willy/on the motorway...
(sung to the tune of the Xmas song)

it's one of a handful of rude rhymes my children learned early on in primary school. This was in the Southeast in the 2010s, but a friend who grew up in Manchester in the 1970s said he knew this rhyme too.

I'd just like to get a sense of how widespread and how old it is. Has it been around since the first Batman TV series of the late 50s (I think)? And do you have other examples of disrespectful children's rhymes featuring pop cultural references? Or rude rhymes full stop? I find this one oddly joyful....

I think I killed the thread...



I remember that. I’d graduated before I knew what frigging meant. I assumed it was the same as shagging.

The worst one I remember was

The rich girl something something:
The poor girl something else
But Diana something something because her something else

but the only verse I remember is really horrible.

What about ..

Olly Olly Olly
Tits in the trolley
Balls in the biscuit tin
Sitting on the grass
With your finger up your arse
Singing Olly Olly Olly Olly in 🤣

Primary school, 90s, SE London

Quite surprised that some are horrified that uncle billy lost his willy when we grew up singing this 🤣

(Sorry if it's already been mentioned, I haven't gone through the whole thread)

Our happy birthday/zoo one ended 'I saw a big monkey/And I thought it was you'.

We had a making-up rhyme two girls would chant if they'd fallen out and were making friends again, holding hands crossed over and moving them up and down in time to the rhyme.
Make friends, make friends,
Never, never break friends
If you do
You'll (catch the flu, or fall down the loo)
And that will be
The end of you.

Our 'Build a bonfire' version had the teachers on the top and <name of headmaster> in the middle.

Another rhyme the girls chanted:
We protest
Boys are a pest
Flush them down the lavatory
And hope for the best.

My friend Billy
Had a ten foot willy
So he showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake
So she hit it with a rake
And now it’s only six foot four

South Wales 80s Uncle Billy lost his willy on the motorway hey.
Also ( looking back now it sounds even more awful) Jesus christ superstar came down from heaven on a yamaha,pulled a skid and killed a k** and cut his precious willy on a dustbin lid.
Thankful it hasn't hung around like uncle Billy has.

We had a different version of Popeye..
I’m Popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
There’s a hole in the middle where I do my piddle
I’m Popeye the sailor man..

Rat a tat tat
Who is that
Only grandma's pussy cat
What do you want
A pint of milk
Where's your money
In my pocket
Where's your pocket
I forgot it
Oh you silly pussy cat

Does anyone know - or can they make up the third verse to three old ladies from Canada:
Three old ladies from Canada got drunk on cherry wine
The subject of conversation was who had the biggest vagine

The first old lady from Canada said mine’s as big as the sea
The fish swim in, the fish swim out and don’t even tickle me

Oh grab your nuts against my guts and I’ll get horny too

The second old lady from Canada said mine’s as big as the air
The birds fly in the birds fly out and don’t even tickle a hair

Oh grab your nuts against my guts and I’ll get horny too

I heard this from an American in 1987. Unfortunately he didn’t sing the third verse. He said he’d heard it once in Ireland but didn’t say who from.

On the subject of boys:

All the boys need a rope around their neck
All the boys need a rope around their neck
All the boys need a rope around their neck
And hang them from the faraway tree.

Or was it highest tree? Midlands in the seventies.

I went to a Chinese restaurant
To buy a loaf of bread bread bread
They wrapped it up in a five pound note
And this is what they said said said;

My name is Elvis Presley
Girls are sexy
Sitting in the back seat
Drinking Pepsi

I think then we had something about 'kissing and a hugging' but can't remember the rest. It was a clapping game.

Ha - we had “my name is Willie Willie Wonka” instead of Elvis Presley but the rest was the same.

Skipping song (London 70s)

Cowboy Joe from Mexico
Hold up
Stick ‘em up
Don’t forget to Pick ‘em up
Cowboy Joe from Mexico

We used to sing this in the valleys too, i'd forgotten it until you posted!

Frigging in the Rigging was originally a rugby song, which the Pistols recorded.

ToWhitToWhoo · 04/10/2024 21:15

My eyes are dim; I cannot see,
I did not bring my specs with me,
I did not bring my specs with me,

I remember it as "I left my specs in the WC."

Nice to see some new rhymes still popping up. I'm struck by the 'anti-boy' ones as I'd only come across a (boring) 'anti-girl' one before: girls are great but boys are better (not even a rhyme, just an alliteration).

And the 'ladies from Canada' one, wow.

Btw. if anyone sees this who is better at Xmas songs than I am: what is the tune/what are the original lyrics for 'three kings of Lester Square/selling ladies underwear'? Thanks.

I expect the boys sang the same about us.

After thirty-seven years, you’ve inspired me to think of a third verse to the three old ladies from Canada:

The third old lady from Canada said mine’s as big as the pit
The men climb in, they don’t climb out and plenty more would fit.

Improved versions welcome.

You mean the actual carol:

We three kings of orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain
Moor and mountain
Following yonder star

[Chorus: All]
O star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to thy perfect light

From early 2000s:

Girls go to Mars
To get more stars.
Boys go to Jupiter
To get more stupider.

Tarzan of the jungle had the belly ache
Wanted to go the toilet
(Farty sound) too late!

Midlands seventies

oh dear what can the matter be
3 old ladies stuck in the lavatory
they were there from Monday to Saturday
nobody knew they there

70s/80s

Thanks! Your 3rd verse is spot on imo.

... and yes, those rhymes about boys are bound to work the other way around too.