Exhausted but too scared of bed

[BedPhobia]

I'm having a one night stopover at a hotel on my way to visit friends.

I've been having quite extreme anxiety about bed bugs for years so I knew I'd struggle but it's actually so much worse.

I'm thinking of going to the station now and sleeping on a bench instead. I'm exhausted but can't bear to get into bed as I'm absolutely convinced it has bed bugs and/or scabies.

I carried out an inspection and found suspicious marks and am now petrified.

I don't think a sleepless night will do my anxiety any good but what can I do?

All my belongings are in the bathroom and I'm thinking of sleeping sitting on a stool and leaving my pyjamas behind.

But even that won't prevent me worrying for weeks that I've brought them home with me.

I'm in such a bad way 😥

It’s possible that those initial feelings after the c-section about being a failure then transferred themselves away from the c-section itself and onto something else. Anxiety is like fire, it needs oxygen to keep going, and you can’t feel anxious about accidentally having another c-section without noticing! So it’s like it transferred onto something you would have little control over. The bedbugs/scabies fear is the oxygen that your anxiety is feeding off and allowing it to continue. The more you obsess over whether or not those tiny marks on your hand are scabies the more it makes you anxious. No matter how many people reply and say it’s not scabies. I bet even if you went to a doctor and they said it wasn’t scabies you would still latch onto the tiny chance that they could be wrong.

I would maybe consider doing some therapy about birth trauma and go from there. You seem to be really very worried that you will fail your children or let them down somehow and the more you focus on the scabies fear the further you are away from finding a solution to your actual problem.

Please do seek some mental health help tomorrow… it could be some form of post-partum psychosis that needs treating x

Beautifully put and very wise.

First OP, you are fine, the room is fine, the bed is fine. Sometimes I find it helps to play the scenario out - even if there WERE bedbugs (there aren't), nothing catastrophic would happen. We have systems in place for dealing with them, and it wouldn't do you, or your children, any medium or long term damage. You would all survive and be perfectly fine.

Sorry if you've already said, but are you on any medication for your anxiety? Because it would help you a lot, especially if alongside CBT or other talking therapies. I was similar to you (not quite as bad but well on my way), a few years ago, about asbestos. Going on Sertraline was life changing, and I really regret the years I suffered as you are now, because of the vague idea that "drugs are bad". Please do consider it, if you aren't on anything already. If you are, still talk to your GP because your dose / prescription needs adjusting.

Hope you stay safe, and get some sleep tonight x

My whole family got scabies when I was a young teenager.

Honestly, NO BIG DEAL! We had some ointment/milky stuff that has to be painted on all over, and all bedding and clothes washed hot.

I'd be more worried about nits (shudder)

OP, I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. You are replying more to the posts about your fears of scabies/bedbugs than posts about your anxiety. You are not going to be able to reassure yourself on this because it is not a rational fear but anxiety - constantly looking for ways to reassure yourself/more facts/safety behaviours is just keeping you stuck in the cycle where this is all-consuming. I think you do know deep down that this is your anxiety rather than a true medical issue.

You simply must get help for your mental health. Talk to your GP ASAP (or in my area you can refer yourself for CBT or talking therapy). It's not fair to you to live this way.

And in the meantime if you can't sleep tonight, please try distractions instead, something that takes you way out of this way of thinking - podcast is ideal, along with breathing exercises perhaps or mind games - I will e.g. run through the plot of a book I know well in my head in as much detail as I can remember, or think through a journey (my best friend does how he would do a DIY project or mental maths!). If you find your mind wandering back to the scabies, think 'no, I'm having 10 minutes off thinking about this, I will refocus on this' and do that a few times.

There is help out there and you can get better

Sorry for your distress, OP. I know you are at your wits' end. OCD is jumping out at me here - not just from your contamination fears but also the really strong sense of responsibility you feel that you could ruin your kids' lives somehow from being in this hotel room and what you think could spiral from that. I do think you should seek help and look up OCD charity websites (OCD UK and OCD Action to help gain a sense of persective that your fears are typical of an OCD mind rather than the reality of the threat you feel you face. Amongst other things, OCD can take a genuine hygiene issue - begbugs/ scabies/ vomit etc and create this HUGE fear of disaster which might stem from any contact with these things and the thoughts totally dominate your mind. I think realising your thoughts are running wild and seeing the situation in that way will help. To get through the time in the hotel, keep case in bathroom, bag up your clothes when you leave and wash/ tumble dry or freeze what you had on the bed etc. Most people do none of these things - you are taking some small precautions to ease your anxiety but these things alone are way more than 99% of people would do and are more than enough to balance rest and your worries to get you through the situation you are in now. Thinking of you OP but I'm sure you will not catch anything from this trip.

I just want t9 come on here op to tell you that ny heart goes out to you.

This is NOTHING to do with scabies ir bed bugs please please take this on board

You have a mental illness. You have ocd

.please please tell people close to you and please tell your gp.

None of your thoughts are real.

You are unwell and you need help. I hope you find it

Really appreciate all the posts. I did start off convinced scabies was the issue but after reading the answers I am now realising it is probably more likely to be anxiety and actually the itching/ burning has eased somewhat.

PArticularly appreciate the practical advice @volcanovillain, I am going to put on a podcast (sleep hypnosis) and get some rest. My thoughts will probably be more settled in the morning.

please do seek help for your mental health, OP. I've been where you are (though my anxiety was not focused on my health) and after LOTS of therapy and meds, I realize it stemmed from the fear of not keeping my children safe.

i have such compassion for you.

I've been on sertraline for a decade and truly, it saved my life.

OP, I suffer from anxiety and also have had scabies in the past - thanks very much festy roommate in London.

I spread them to my boyfriend and best friend and it was horrible but do you know what? We survived. It didn't go further than that, we used the creams and put things out in the sunlight as advised by the doctor at the time and it was all ok. It's a distant memory now.

My point is, if you have scabies (which I am fairly sure you do not based on your photos) you will survive and you will be ok. Your family will be ok. The anxiety while it's happening will be the hardest part about the situation and you can get help for that.

Please make your mental health your top priority - you don't deserve to live being this worried all the time, you poor thing.

@Cocolocomoco is right. I treat OCD and have done for years. There is nothing you've written @BedPhobia that would convince me that what you are grappling with is anything other than OCD. Please self-refer to IAPT or ask your GP for a referral for CBT or contact the organisations Coco mentions who will guide you on seeking a private referral with a BABCP registered CBT therapist.

I have ocd and health anxiety. Your post and comments resonate with me and remind me of when I was really struggling with my ocd- once I remember finding a bit of blood on a hotel bed throw and just absolutely spiralling. If it helps at all, I used to work in a hotel and never caught anything or brought anything home even during the one time we did have a bedbug issue. Personally I never found CBT to be helpful, but have had good results from ACT.

Literally nothing on those pictures. If you went to the gp woth that they would wonder why you have wasted an appointment.
What you need to do is use it to tell them how bad your anxiety is.
I can't believe you didn't after your last post. Especially given some of the things you did thinking it would help. The freezing things when you get home was enough to show it is controlling your life.
And again that will be more damaging to your children then scabies

Exactly this. It's a word we remember from a certain era of being at school. But it's not that bad as label in the playground back then. People now understand that these things go around.

Also OP you are a clearly loving mother who wants to do the best for her children. The best thing you can do right now, if you are able to do, is please engage with the services other pp have suggested to talk about your thoughts.

Handhold here OP
its so distressing and tiring but it can and will get better

Ps I have had ocd and been bitten by a bed bug so…yeah

I'm awake and my heart is racing. I know scabies is meant to be worse at night and I do feel very itchy. I'm not sure if the itch woke me up, it must have done as I wouldn't have woken up for no reason. So tired.

I can't see anything there at all.... This is an emotional health problem most likely- If you had scabies you'd KNOW.

Have you ever seen a fox with it, they are bald and scabbed up and bleeding,

But even in this condition, with veterinary care they recover and become glossy and healthy again.

The staff treating them aren't worried about catching the mite, either.

You probably woke up due to anxiety and stress. The itching is likely caused by the same things. Can you put on a podcast and do some deep breathing?

I can say with 99.9999999% certainty looking at your hand photos...you haven't got scabies.

Those are perfectly healthy hands. 🙌

@BedPhobia
My phobia is worms..

I visited a friend whose children had them while I stayed there. {Very clean, pristine house she has as well}
She said one can inhale the eggs as they are airborne.

Anyway....I lay in bed, and was certain I could feel itching in between by bum cheeks.

But it was purely psychological.

I did buy some worming meds and took them, and didn't have a single one!

so I do know how one can imagine stuff like itching.

Like if people talk about head lice, it makes one itch, just thinking of it.

I promise you, my head is itching now, just at the thought, but know I haven't got lice.

Oh OP, I really think you need to seek help for your OCD and anxiety. You are extremely unwell and this isn’t something to delay getting help for. It will only get worse. Your posts are getting quite worrying.

For what it’s worth, scabies is not the worst thing you can have in the world! I had it a year ago and it was so easy to treat. You could Google any illness/disease and find horror stories.

This...Please, @BedPhobia do tell your GP how your phobia is controlling your life.

Imagine when you are FREE of the anxiety of bed bugs and scabies, you will wonder how it affected your life so much.

You can be freed of phobias.

Your children will benefit, too from a happier mum. 🙂