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Scared of dentists since assault

117 replies

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 14:29

I'm sorry, this will be a very long post. This happened a few years ago so it’s too late to seek justice, although I tried at the time. However, it is the most violating thing anyone has done to me and still affects me every day.

I saw an orthodontist for advice about my bite which was uncomfortable after treatment with braces elsewhere. An upper canine was in an awkward position and hitting hard against my lower teeth. My retainer was very painful to wear and I wanted to get a new one, but also wanted to ask if the canine could be moved to a more comfortable position. He told me that this would be resolved by shaving off a “minimal” amount of my enamel. I didn’t like the sound of it so I said no, but I asked him to make me a replacement retainer. He brought it up a couple more times and I kept saying no. We agreed that I would come back for the impressions to be taken, and while I was leaving he mentioned that he’d clean some glue left from a previous fixed retainer at the back of my teeth. I had told him I’d had a retainer which was removed and so was the glue, but I thought he meant there was a speck left or something.

I ignored the red flags – he was dismissive, borderline rude and kept insisting that my tooth should be shaved. But I thought nothing bad could happen by just getting a new retainer. I thought I was safe because he was a director at a practice owned by a well-known brand. I’m quite naïve and I always assume that people are honest and can’t imagine why they’d lie.

At the next appointment he said he’d have to first remove glue from the backs of my teeth. I said I didn’t want any of my enamel to be removed. He said, “No enamel will be removed. I’ll use a tool that can’t remove any enamel”. I’d had glue removed from my teeth several times before and there’s never been any issues so I agreed. He started from the opposite canine to the one that was causing me problems. Halfway through I thought this didn’t feel right because he was moving the drill up and down the whole backs of my teeth, not just in a specific place where there could have been a bit of glue left. I just stared at him, I didn’t know what to do. When he got to the problematic canine he pressed hard, making 3-4 vertical lines top to bottom, then a horizontal slash at the end of my tooth. Only then did I realise he was drilling into my teeth but it was too late. When I felt the backs of my teeth they were no longer smooth, they were all scratched and the canine had deep cuts into it and was thinner and shorter than before. I told him, you removed my enamel, he said no enamel was removed, there was a lot of glue there. I told him he had no right to do this but he kept denying. I realised that the dental nurse had spent the whole appointment with her back turned to me. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do, I also had to go back to work.

The next day I called my dentist and they gave me an appointment that morning. It was a new dentist that I didn’t know. She took photos of the backs of my teeth then pointed at the yellow lines on them and said that that’s where enamel had been removed. I was still very upset and blurted out something like, “send me a copy of these photos, I’m going to sue him”. She looked taken aback, she said, “But it’s nothing, just a bit of enamel”. When I finally got the photos they were so blurry that none of the damage could be seen, and only less than half of the canine was shown. I guess no amount of blurring could hide the damage so they had to crop the picture there.

I filed a complaint to the orthodontic practice which started a long email chain between me and the man who assaulted me. He changed his story, first claiming that a tiny amount of enamel may have been removed but he hadn’t noticed it. Then he insisted that no enamel could have been removed and that he must have not removed all of the glue and I should go back to him so he can remove the rest of the glue and prove it to me. He said I could go to any of his colleagues to do that if I preferred. He contradicted himself in other ways. He also included a one-page essay on how common and benign it was to remove enamel and how he’s done it to thousands of people on hundreds of thousands of teeth.

I then reported the orthodontist to the General Dental Council who regulate dentists in the UK. They got “independent” clinical opinion, which just completely sided with the orthodontist. They stated that he had used the correct instrument – no information given how they concluded that. They said that I had consented to my enamel being removed because I had consented to the removal of glue and that had the risk of removing some enamel. But the amounts were so small that he didn’t have to ask me for my consent. They closed the case and ignored my emails asking how they came to their conclusions.

I’ve spent thousands on therapy since then and I’m still not ok. It’s ruined my self-confidence, sense of safety and trust in people, especially doctors. It feels very isolating, I wish there was a support group for what I experienced but I haven’t been able to find one. The damaged areas of my teeth are still sensitive every day, I can also feel their uneven surface and that’s all very triggering. I now avoid dentists, having previously always gone twice a year and been a very calm patient. I now make myself go once a year but I have anxiety for weeks ahead of the appointment.

Thank you for taking the time to those who read the whole thing. I’d be grateful for any advice on how to heal or how to trust dentists again.

OP posts:
hillroad · 30/09/2024 14:45

realised that the dental nurse had spent the whole appointment with her back turned to me.

for hours? because that app would have been a very long one

hillroad · 30/09/2024 14:46

d. I was still very upset and blurted out something like, “send me a copy of these photos, I’m going to sue him”. She looked taken aback, she said, “But it’s nothing, just a bit of enamel”.

yes i imagine she did look “taken aback”

hillroad · 30/09/2024 14:46

do you have anyone in your life who would accompany and support you?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 14:59

@hillroad The appointment was no more than 20min, I don't know why you're saying it would have been hours.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:03

hillroad · 30/09/2024 14:46

d. I was still very upset and blurted out something like, “send me a copy of these photos, I’m going to sue him”. She looked taken aback, she said, “But it’s nothing, just a bit of enamel”.

yes i imagine she did look “taken aback”

You mean seeking justice for what was done to me is not ok, but for him to lie to me and damage my teeth after I said no again and again is absolutely fine?

OP posts:
hillroad · 30/09/2024 15:04

i’ll bow out

GailPlattsDeadHusband · 30/09/2024 15:04

What did your therapist advice?

Do other incidents in your life tend to escalate this way ?

daydreamingnightowl · 30/09/2024 15:08

That sounds really traumatising and I'm sorry you went through that.

Why are the replies already so negative and nasty? There are some really unkind people out there and I urge you to just scroll past those comments as they won't help you move forward from this incident.

I have no experience so can't offer any advice but I would urge you to continue with therapy and I hope you can slowly build your trust up again so that each appt is not so triggering.

CherryValley5 · 30/09/2024 15:09

With respect OP, this isn’t an orthodontist issue - there is something much deeper going on in your mind which I suggest that you explore further with your therapist.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:10

GailPlattsDeadHusband · 30/09/2024 15:04

What did your therapist advice?

Do other incidents in your life tend to escalate this way ?

My therapist said that I can always said know and I can ask questions, but I did those things and I was still harmed. And lied to more than once so I just find it hard to trust dentists now.

I haven't had similar incidents because I've never been violated like that.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:12

daydreamingnightowl · 30/09/2024 15:08

That sounds really traumatising and I'm sorry you went through that.

Why are the replies already so negative and nasty? There are some really unkind people out there and I urge you to just scroll past those comments as they won't help you move forward from this incident.

I have no experience so can't offer any advice but I would urge you to continue with therapy and I hope you can slowly build your trust up again so that each appt is not so triggering.

Thank you for being the only kind person who's commented. I was looking for support but already regretting posting here.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 30/09/2024 15:13

I'll be honest here (and I could be wrong). I feel like you're overreacting. I feel like he was removing glue and a little enamel came off, which is maybe normal and to be expected during the procedure. To accuse him of assault is quite a serious accusation. The fact is, the other dentist and the General Dental Council both thought the amount of enamel moved was small and that there had been no wrongdoing.
Maybe I've got this wrong though and what what he did was serious misconduct. I don't know...
Either way, you need help to process these thoughts and rebuild trust. I hope the therapy can help. Could you let any future dentists know that you have a phobia of dental treatment? I'm not saying you do, but this might encourage them to be extra gentle with you.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:16

CherryValley5 · 30/09/2024 15:09

With respect OP, this isn’t an orthodontist issue - there is something much deeper going on in your mind which I suggest that you explore further with your therapist.

I was assaulted by a man who abused my trust in his profession and then his colleagues covered up for him.
So yes, it is a dentist issue for me.

OP posts:
Stichintime · 30/09/2024 15:16

Sounds awful. Have you considered hypnosis or similar? I think the language you use is very emotive eg. 'They got “independent” clinical opinion, which just completely sided with the orthodontist'. I Understand you've lost trust, but are also suggesting there was some sort of corruption.

standardduck · 30/09/2024 15:19

Can you find a dentist who specialize in anxiety / patients with fears?

It sounds like you went through a bad experience, but honestly none of it sounds like assault. I might be wrong, but it sounds like there is something else going on?

CherryValley5 · 30/09/2024 15:20

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:16

I was assaulted by a man who abused my trust in his profession and then his colleagues covered up for him.
So yes, it is a dentist issue for me.

You were not assaulted. The fact that you think you were signals a far deeper issue.

MissEsmeWatson · 30/09/2024 15:21

Yes, of course it's a big issue, you told him several times not to do it, he went ahead and did it anyway (possibly after telling the nurse to turn away), and I'm so sorry OP. It's made me so angry on your behalf, and it beggars belief that people here think it's ok, to the point of gaslighting quite honestly.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:21

SallyWD · 30/09/2024 15:13

I'll be honest here (and I could be wrong). I feel like you're overreacting. I feel like he was removing glue and a little enamel came off, which is maybe normal and to be expected during the procedure. To accuse him of assault is quite a serious accusation. The fact is, the other dentist and the General Dental Council both thought the amount of enamel moved was small and that there had been no wrongdoing.
Maybe I've got this wrong though and what what he did was serious misconduct. I don't know...
Either way, you need help to process these thoughts and rebuild trust. I hope the therapy can help. Could you let any future dentists know that you have a phobia of dental treatment? I'm not saying you do, but this might encourage them to be extra gentle with you.

I'm sorry but that's not what happened and you weren't there. You didn't see my teeth afterwards that looked like they'd been scratched with a nail. And why did the dentist send me super blurry and cropped photos? Why are my teeth hurting over 5 years later and I can still feel the deep cuts on the one he reduced?

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:23

CherryValley5 · 30/09/2024 15:20

You were not assaulted. The fact that you think you were signals a far deeper issue.

Edited

This man made cuts into my teeth with a sharp instrument against my will. How is this not an assault? I said no to this multiple times.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:24

MissEsmeWatson · 30/09/2024 15:21

Yes, of course it's a big issue, you told him several times not to do it, he went ahead and did it anyway (possibly after telling the nurse to turn away), and I'm so sorry OP. It's made me so angry on your behalf, and it beggars belief that people here think it's ok, to the point of gaslighting quite honestly.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Cantbelievethatimafoolagain · 30/09/2024 15:29

I would get a medical lawyer to help. If you're still getting pain/sensitivity after 5 years because of him then that's not right. My sibling has dental problems due to dentists ruining their teeth.

Cantbelievethatimafoolagain · 30/09/2024 15:29

Also could you provide any photos of what the teeth look like?

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:30

Stichintime · 30/09/2024 15:16

Sounds awful. Have you considered hypnosis or similar? I think the language you use is very emotive eg. 'They got “independent” clinical opinion, which just completely sided with the orthodontist'. I Understand you've lost trust, but are also suggesting there was some sort of corruption.

I've had EMDR twice. The reason why I said "independent" is that they didn't justify their reasoning for their decision. I emailed them asking why they'd ignored certain things from the evidence or how they'd reached their decision and was ignored. Their website claims that if you're unhappy with a decision you can contact them and they'd explain, but that's not true.

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 30/09/2024 15:33

As someone who has been sexually assaulted and violated I can assure you that having some of your enamel removed is neither of those things. Please stop using such emotive language to describe an issue that is neither assault nor violation

Nannyoggapple · 30/09/2024 15:33

I feel like something similar happened to me.

I went into get a white filling on a front tooth (commonly called a cap).

He put the cap on.

Then Without asking me, or even telling me what he was doing, he began to drill at a completely different tooth for ages, and drilled the enamel off at the bottom of the tooth, until the tooth was much smaller

I trusted him and let him do it, as we are taught to trust dentists and expect them to take care of us.

I came out and he has really ruined the whole look of the tooth.

I wonder If some dentists do damage to teeth, so we have to go back in and pay more, and use their services more.

Not all, but some may do it