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Scared of dentists since assault

117 replies

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 14:29

I'm sorry, this will be a very long post. This happened a few years ago so it’s too late to seek justice, although I tried at the time. However, it is the most violating thing anyone has done to me and still affects me every day.

I saw an orthodontist for advice about my bite which was uncomfortable after treatment with braces elsewhere. An upper canine was in an awkward position and hitting hard against my lower teeth. My retainer was very painful to wear and I wanted to get a new one, but also wanted to ask if the canine could be moved to a more comfortable position. He told me that this would be resolved by shaving off a “minimal” amount of my enamel. I didn’t like the sound of it so I said no, but I asked him to make me a replacement retainer. He brought it up a couple more times and I kept saying no. We agreed that I would come back for the impressions to be taken, and while I was leaving he mentioned that he’d clean some glue left from a previous fixed retainer at the back of my teeth. I had told him I’d had a retainer which was removed and so was the glue, but I thought he meant there was a speck left or something.

I ignored the red flags – he was dismissive, borderline rude and kept insisting that my tooth should be shaved. But I thought nothing bad could happen by just getting a new retainer. I thought I was safe because he was a director at a practice owned by a well-known brand. I’m quite naïve and I always assume that people are honest and can’t imagine why they’d lie.

At the next appointment he said he’d have to first remove glue from the backs of my teeth. I said I didn’t want any of my enamel to be removed. He said, “No enamel will be removed. I’ll use a tool that can’t remove any enamel”. I’d had glue removed from my teeth several times before and there’s never been any issues so I agreed. He started from the opposite canine to the one that was causing me problems. Halfway through I thought this didn’t feel right because he was moving the drill up and down the whole backs of my teeth, not just in a specific place where there could have been a bit of glue left. I just stared at him, I didn’t know what to do. When he got to the problematic canine he pressed hard, making 3-4 vertical lines top to bottom, then a horizontal slash at the end of my tooth. Only then did I realise he was drilling into my teeth but it was too late. When I felt the backs of my teeth they were no longer smooth, they were all scratched and the canine had deep cuts into it and was thinner and shorter than before. I told him, you removed my enamel, he said no enamel was removed, there was a lot of glue there. I told him he had no right to do this but he kept denying. I realised that the dental nurse had spent the whole appointment with her back turned to me. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do, I also had to go back to work.

The next day I called my dentist and they gave me an appointment that morning. It was a new dentist that I didn’t know. She took photos of the backs of my teeth then pointed at the yellow lines on them and said that that’s where enamel had been removed. I was still very upset and blurted out something like, “send me a copy of these photos, I’m going to sue him”. She looked taken aback, she said, “But it’s nothing, just a bit of enamel”. When I finally got the photos they were so blurry that none of the damage could be seen, and only less than half of the canine was shown. I guess no amount of blurring could hide the damage so they had to crop the picture there.

I filed a complaint to the orthodontic practice which started a long email chain between me and the man who assaulted me. He changed his story, first claiming that a tiny amount of enamel may have been removed but he hadn’t noticed it. Then he insisted that no enamel could have been removed and that he must have not removed all of the glue and I should go back to him so he can remove the rest of the glue and prove it to me. He said I could go to any of his colleagues to do that if I preferred. He contradicted himself in other ways. He also included a one-page essay on how common and benign it was to remove enamel and how he’s done it to thousands of people on hundreds of thousands of teeth.

I then reported the orthodontist to the General Dental Council who regulate dentists in the UK. They got “independent” clinical opinion, which just completely sided with the orthodontist. They stated that he had used the correct instrument – no information given how they concluded that. They said that I had consented to my enamel being removed because I had consented to the removal of glue and that had the risk of removing some enamel. But the amounts were so small that he didn’t have to ask me for my consent. They closed the case and ignored my emails asking how they came to their conclusions.

I’ve spent thousands on therapy since then and I’m still not ok. It’s ruined my self-confidence, sense of safety and trust in people, especially doctors. It feels very isolating, I wish there was a support group for what I experienced but I haven’t been able to find one. The damaged areas of my teeth are still sensitive every day, I can also feel their uneven surface and that’s all very triggering. I now avoid dentists, having previously always gone twice a year and been a very calm patient. I now make myself go once a year but I have anxiety for weeks ahead of the appointment.

Thank you for taking the time to those who read the whole thing. I’d be grateful for any advice on how to heal or how to trust dentists again.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 20:58

Nannyoggapple · 30/09/2024 17:49

That was so nasty.

Were you there?

People like you have been brainwashed to see medical professionals as God's.

When actually some of them abuse their position to abuse people.

I was just reading about the doctor n the USA who sexually assaulted hundreds of teenage female gymnasts.

He got away with it for so long because he was a Doctor.

So true. I don't understand why some posters can't seem to imagine that people in a position of power may decide to abuse that power. Like that's never happened before.

OP posts:
Dwappy · 30/09/2024 21:02

What do you believe was the benefit to him for apparently removing your enamel? People here are talking about dentists doing unnecessary work in the past (or even now) but that's for financial gain. So I get that as a reason. But him apparently just removing your enamel and not telling you about it? What was in it for him? What possible benefit would he have for doing it? He wouldn't earn any extra money. He was creating extra work for himself. All for nothing?

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 21:07

hillroad · 30/09/2024 17:55

I wonder if your daughter was ever sexually or physically assaulted OP - how you would view your use of that word in this thread.

I hope you never find out

Oh you came back with another delightful comment.

I don't need to "find out' - I know that I would feel the same. Assault is assault, and there are many different forms.

But thanks for your concern.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

shakeitoffsis · 30/09/2024 21:19

What on Earth are you on about?
This is just a classic case of a patient not understanding the treatment required and performed.

NiftyKoala · 30/09/2024 21:27

Gymmum82 · 30/09/2024 15:33

As someone who has been sexually assaulted and violated I can assure you that having some of your enamel removed is neither of those things. Please stop using such emotive language to describe an issue that is neither assault nor violation

This. You are not a dentist to know exactly what and why they do what they do. Yes I can see you were very upset. I would definitely look into some sort of hypnosis therapy or a specific dentist for people with these types of fears.

FifiFalafel · 30/09/2024 21:28

OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you and that it's caused you lasting pain.

You asked for advice on how to trust dentists again, well I agree with the poster who said to find a dentist you feel comfortable with and have an honest conversation with them about how your feel. An orthodontist, by sheer clumsiness, chipped both my front teeth when I was a teenager and I was terrified of the dentist afterwards. A few years later someone (who was terrified of dentists) recommended a dentist to me and he was wonderful - so assured, reassuring and confident. I stayed with him until he retired 20 years or so later. After a while with him I lost my fear and he was such a kind, gentle, funny man I even looked forward to my appointments. When he retired I thought I was buggered - but he recommended another dentist and I've seen her now for 20 years and have utter faith in her. There are good dentists out there who can help you regain trust.

I mean this gently and with only the best possible intention.....sometimes forgetting, accepting and moving on is the most healing thing you can do for yourself. I know it's hard to do - but if you can somehow make yourself do that then you will find a peace of mind that you might never have thought possible.

I wish you only well and hope that this horrible episode becomes a small and distant issue in the story of your life.

Arraminta · 30/09/2024 21:31

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 20:54

I contacted several solicitors at the time and no one was interested. And I think you can only pursue it up to 2 years after the incident.

I'm not sure about dentists not having loyalty to each other, that's not been my experience.

And have you never wondered why none of the solicitors were interested?

KendraTheVampyrSlayer · 30/09/2024 21:34

hillroad · 30/09/2024 15:04

i’ll bow out

Yes, I think you should!

AmyDudley · 30/09/2024 21:34

What do you believe was the benefit to him for apparently removing your enamel? People here are talking about dentists doing unnecessary work in the past (or even now) but that's for financial gain. So I get that as a reason. But him apparently just removing your enamel and not telling you about it? What was in it for him? What possible benefit would he have for doing it? He wouldn't earn any extra money. He was creating extra work for himself. All for nothing?

Because he was arrogant, thought he knew best, and was on a power trip. Characteristics often found in mostly male HCPs

KendraTheVampyrSlayer · 30/09/2024 21:40

Gymmum82 · 30/09/2024 15:33

As someone who has been sexually assaulted and violated I can assure you that having some of your enamel removed is neither of those things. Please stop using such emotive language to describe an issue that is neither assault nor violation

So if someone is bodily harmed without consent but it's not sexual it's not assault? Why do you get to set the bar on what is and isn't assault? I too have been violated and assaulted and what she went through sounds very much like assault.

I didn't realise there was a victim Olympics!

NiftyKoala · 30/09/2024 21:49

There are special dentists that specialize in trauma. I know a cousin who gets very hysterical and used to have to be put under but witha dentist office that specializes she's able to be fine. It's worth looking into.

NowImNotDoingIt · 30/09/2024 21:55

Try and find a dentist that is patient and you can develop a relationship and trust with. Tell them you suffer from anxiety and that you're afraid of dentists / lack trust and see how they react, how they talk to you , how they treat you. I had a great female dentist that actually listened and she was incredibly patient with me. Sadly she moved, and the new one is a complete prick (did the mistake of doing a clean with him and he didn't give a shit I was in extreme pain) so I haven't gone back despite desperately needing it. I need to ring and see if I can actually see a different one , but I can't quite bring myself to do it.

You have to try again though, for your own sake(and so do I).

Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 30/09/2024 22:15

Gently, OP, what are you wanting now? You mention having EMDR twice - was it truncated unnecessarily the first time? I am concerned it has taken 2 courses and you still have not resolved your trauma.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 22:34

Nannyoggapple · 30/09/2024 18:32

Why do some women always think it's a competition of who was assaulted the most

When they hear about assault?

I remember when I was sexually assaulted once, and i remember that women I told werent sympathetic when i told them ..

I told a friend about it.

I remember that She glared at me and said "sure that's nothing I've been raped by my dads friend"

It's not always a competition!!!

Just because you've been assaulted worse ,

doesn't mean that other people shouldn't talk about their assault.

No matter how horrible someone's experience is, there will always be someone who's had it worse. And that doesn't invalidate what the first person went through. This type of thinking just makes no sense, so nothing is a big deal because it can always be worse?

And yes, it's awful when you open up to someone, only for them to immediately change the subject to what they've been through. It's not easy to be vulnerable like this so why can't they listen and try to support instead of being dismissive? Surely, it's easier to emphasise if they've been through similar and it should never be a competition.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 22:42

Dwappy · 30/09/2024 21:02

What do you believe was the benefit to him for apparently removing your enamel? People here are talking about dentists doing unnecessary work in the past (or even now) but that's for financial gain. So I get that as a reason. But him apparently just removing your enamel and not telling you about it? What was in it for him? What possible benefit would he have for doing it? He wouldn't earn any extra money. He was creating extra work for himself. All for nothing?

This was hardly work, it took him about a minute or less to damage my teeth.
I think he was annoyed that I wasn't agreeing with his recommendation but asking about alternatives instead. He was very persistent in trying to convince me and visibly annoyed when I kept saying no. I think he genuinely thought that this was what needed to be done and that he could easily do it without me realising. I think he wanted to be right and he's not used to being told no.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 22:44

shakeitoffsis · 30/09/2024 21:19

What on Earth are you on about?
This is just a classic case of a patient not understanding the treatment required and performed.

Ha! No, this is a case of you not reading or comprehending my post.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 22:51

NiftyKoala · 30/09/2024 21:27

This. You are not a dentist to know exactly what and why they do what they do. Yes I can see you were very upset. I would definitely look into some sort of hypnosis therapy or a specific dentist for people with these types of fears.

I know that he did exactly the thing I asked him not to do, after reassuring me that he wouldn't and couldn't possibly do it.

Then tried to convince me that he hadn't done it, despite it being confirmed by another dentist and by my own experience.

But sure, I should blindly trust a dentist because they would never lie.

OP posts:
NiftyKoala · 30/09/2024 22:55

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 22:51

I know that he did exactly the thing I asked him not to do, after reassuring me that he wouldn't and couldn't possibly do it.

Then tried to convince me that he hadn't done it, despite it being confirmed by another dentist and by my own experience.

But sure, I should blindly trust a dentist because they would never lie.

I would really look into a dentist that deals with trauma or fear. My cousin has had great results and no longer has to be put under unnecessary which is scary too.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 22:57

FifiFalafel · 30/09/2024 21:28

OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you and that it's caused you lasting pain.

You asked for advice on how to trust dentists again, well I agree with the poster who said to find a dentist you feel comfortable with and have an honest conversation with them about how your feel. An orthodontist, by sheer clumsiness, chipped both my front teeth when I was a teenager and I was terrified of the dentist afterwards. A few years later someone (who was terrified of dentists) recommended a dentist to me and he was wonderful - so assured, reassuring and confident. I stayed with him until he retired 20 years or so later. After a while with him I lost my fear and he was such a kind, gentle, funny man I even looked forward to my appointments. When he retired I thought I was buggered - but he recommended another dentist and I've seen her now for 20 years and have utter faith in her. There are good dentists out there who can help you regain trust.

I mean this gently and with only the best possible intention.....sometimes forgetting, accepting and moving on is the most healing thing you can do for yourself. I know it's hard to do - but if you can somehow make yourself do that then you will find a peace of mind that you might never have thought possible.

I wish you only well and hope that this horrible episode becomes a small and distant issue in the story of your life.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm working on getting better and I've gone a long way, but it's not something I can just switch off or make myself forget about. I hope that some day I can find a dentist that I can trust the way I used to.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 23:02

Arraminta · 30/09/2024 21:31

And have you never wondered why none of the solicitors were interested?

I didn't need to, they told me that they don't deal with anything less than losing 2 teeth through negligence.

In any case, I'm glad I didn't go down that route.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 23:03

AmyDudley · 30/09/2024 21:34

What do you believe was the benefit to him for apparently removing your enamel? People here are talking about dentists doing unnecessary work in the past (or even now) but that's for financial gain. So I get that as a reason. But him apparently just removing your enamel and not telling you about it? What was in it for him? What possible benefit would he have for doing it? He wouldn't earn any extra money. He was creating extra work for himself. All for nothing?

Because he was arrogant, thought he knew best, and was on a power trip. Characteristics often found in mostly male HCPs

Yes this. Thank you!

OP posts:
Petitchat · 30/09/2024 23:05

CherryValley5 · 30/09/2024 15:09

With respect OP, this isn’t an orthodontist issue - there is something much deeper going on in your mind which I suggest that you explore further with your therapist.

This is silly. OP has been traumatised by the actions of an orthodontist.
How can it not be an orthodontist issue??

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 23:05

NiftyKoala · 30/09/2024 21:49

There are special dentists that specialize in trauma. I know a cousin who gets very hysterical and used to have to be put under but witha dentist office that specializes she's able to be fine. It's worth looking into.

Thank you, I'll look into this.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 23:08

NowImNotDoingIt · 30/09/2024 21:55

Try and find a dentist that is patient and you can develop a relationship and trust with. Tell them you suffer from anxiety and that you're afraid of dentists / lack trust and see how they react, how they talk to you , how they treat you. I had a great female dentist that actually listened and she was incredibly patient with me. Sadly she moved, and the new one is a complete prick (did the mistake of doing a clean with him and he didn't give a shit I was in extreme pain) so I haven't gone back despite desperately needing it. I need to ring and see if I can actually see a different one , but I can't quite bring myself to do it.

You have to try again though, for your own sake(and so do I).

Thank you, I also had a lovely dentist that always made me feel listened to, it was before this happened. Unfortunately I moved to another town and haven't found anyone with remotely similar bedside manner.

OP posts:
Lelophants · 30/09/2024 23:11

I don’t mean to be unkind, but I am struggling a bit to understand why this is seen as an assault. It sounds like he was doing what needed to be done to your teeth? Are they particularly sensitive - do you have some particular sensory needs? I suppose I can’t imagine being so concerned about an orthodontist working on my teeth. Unless it was very painful? I do wonder if you have some other things going on in your life to see this as such an assault. Do you have a partner/close friends? What do they say?