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Scared of dentists since assault

117 replies

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 14:29

I'm sorry, this will be a very long post. This happened a few years ago so it’s too late to seek justice, although I tried at the time. However, it is the most violating thing anyone has done to me and still affects me every day.

I saw an orthodontist for advice about my bite which was uncomfortable after treatment with braces elsewhere. An upper canine was in an awkward position and hitting hard against my lower teeth. My retainer was very painful to wear and I wanted to get a new one, but also wanted to ask if the canine could be moved to a more comfortable position. He told me that this would be resolved by shaving off a “minimal” amount of my enamel. I didn’t like the sound of it so I said no, but I asked him to make me a replacement retainer. He brought it up a couple more times and I kept saying no. We agreed that I would come back for the impressions to be taken, and while I was leaving he mentioned that he’d clean some glue left from a previous fixed retainer at the back of my teeth. I had told him I’d had a retainer which was removed and so was the glue, but I thought he meant there was a speck left or something.

I ignored the red flags – he was dismissive, borderline rude and kept insisting that my tooth should be shaved. But I thought nothing bad could happen by just getting a new retainer. I thought I was safe because he was a director at a practice owned by a well-known brand. I’m quite naïve and I always assume that people are honest and can’t imagine why they’d lie.

At the next appointment he said he’d have to first remove glue from the backs of my teeth. I said I didn’t want any of my enamel to be removed. He said, “No enamel will be removed. I’ll use a tool that can’t remove any enamel”. I’d had glue removed from my teeth several times before and there’s never been any issues so I agreed. He started from the opposite canine to the one that was causing me problems. Halfway through I thought this didn’t feel right because he was moving the drill up and down the whole backs of my teeth, not just in a specific place where there could have been a bit of glue left. I just stared at him, I didn’t know what to do. When he got to the problematic canine he pressed hard, making 3-4 vertical lines top to bottom, then a horizontal slash at the end of my tooth. Only then did I realise he was drilling into my teeth but it was too late. When I felt the backs of my teeth they were no longer smooth, they were all scratched and the canine had deep cuts into it and was thinner and shorter than before. I told him, you removed my enamel, he said no enamel was removed, there was a lot of glue there. I told him he had no right to do this but he kept denying. I realised that the dental nurse had spent the whole appointment with her back turned to me. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do, I also had to go back to work.

The next day I called my dentist and they gave me an appointment that morning. It was a new dentist that I didn’t know. She took photos of the backs of my teeth then pointed at the yellow lines on them and said that that’s where enamel had been removed. I was still very upset and blurted out something like, “send me a copy of these photos, I’m going to sue him”. She looked taken aback, she said, “But it’s nothing, just a bit of enamel”. When I finally got the photos they were so blurry that none of the damage could be seen, and only less than half of the canine was shown. I guess no amount of blurring could hide the damage so they had to crop the picture there.

I filed a complaint to the orthodontic practice which started a long email chain between me and the man who assaulted me. He changed his story, first claiming that a tiny amount of enamel may have been removed but he hadn’t noticed it. Then he insisted that no enamel could have been removed and that he must have not removed all of the glue and I should go back to him so he can remove the rest of the glue and prove it to me. He said I could go to any of his colleagues to do that if I preferred. He contradicted himself in other ways. He also included a one-page essay on how common and benign it was to remove enamel and how he’s done it to thousands of people on hundreds of thousands of teeth.

I then reported the orthodontist to the General Dental Council who regulate dentists in the UK. They got “independent” clinical opinion, which just completely sided with the orthodontist. They stated that he had used the correct instrument – no information given how they concluded that. They said that I had consented to my enamel being removed because I had consented to the removal of glue and that had the risk of removing some enamel. But the amounts were so small that he didn’t have to ask me for my consent. They closed the case and ignored my emails asking how they came to their conclusions.

I’ve spent thousands on therapy since then and I’m still not ok. It’s ruined my self-confidence, sense of safety and trust in people, especially doctors. It feels very isolating, I wish there was a support group for what I experienced but I haven’t been able to find one. The damaged areas of my teeth are still sensitive every day, I can also feel their uneven surface and that’s all very triggering. I now avoid dentists, having previously always gone twice a year and been a very calm patient. I now make myself go once a year but I have anxiety for weeks ahead of the appointment.

Thank you for taking the time to those who read the whole thing. I’d be grateful for any advice on how to heal or how to trust dentists again.

OP posts:
muggart · 30/09/2024 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why?

Surely the posters that seem to think women should meekly accept painful, expensive, unnecessary and damaging alterations to their bodies simply because a dentist wants to make a quick buck off them are weirder?

rolloverbeethoven · 30/09/2024 16:48

There's a saying, or a joke I guess, what's the difference between a doctor and God? God doesn't think he's a doctor. See also dentists. What a hideous man.

WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · 30/09/2024 16:49

I feel for you OP. Have also had unnecessary treatment done by a dentist which has left me with weakened teeth. He was awful and rude, and while I consented to the treatment as I thought it was needed, it wasn't. He then did so much to my teeth that I needed more expensive solutions and had no choice as to spending the money, as the damage had been done.
I remain terrified of the dentist, but have managed to find some sensible and very conservative ones over the years. I have to talk myself into trusting them though.
Whatever people say, doing things to you without your consent is not OK.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

muggart · 30/09/2024 16:51

Do you mean I should inform the dentist that I would be recording them, do you think any of them would be OK with that?

I'd just whip out my phone and breezily say "oh i'm just recording this part of the conversation about what the procedure involves so I don't get confused later, it's something I do with all medical appointments when there's a lot of info to take in." Then give a big smile. If you're not antagonistic then I can't see why they would care.

Sorati · 30/09/2024 16:52

TealQueen · 30/09/2024 16:41

My opinion is you were assaulted, and I really don't think there can be any doubt that you were.
Anyone doing a treatment needs to agree a treatment plan before work starts. You did, and then he went ahead and did a procedure you refused several times. It is also a big concern as to why was the dental nurse looking away the whole time?

I think you need some form of justice. Do you have family or friends who can support you.

I agree and I’m surprised at some of the responses, I think some people just don’t really care about their teeth.

OP after years of bulimia I lost a lot of enamel from my teeth, when I realised how bad it was I was at rock bottom and so self conscious, my teeth looked see through. I found a solution for building them up again and did everything I could to raise the money, I was desperate to fix them and so surprised at some people’s attitudes that couldn’t see why I was so distressed.

After I had the bonding done I couldn’t believe how I’d managed with the damage to the enamel for so long. My teeth were rough and very sensitive before. The thought of a dentist deliberately removing enamel off my teeth without permission is very triggering and would definitely feel like an assault. If you went to a hairdresser and that cut off all your hair then that’s assault so why isn’t damage to teeth?!

DeliciousApples · 30/09/2024 17:07

I'm sorry that happened to you.

You need to take steps to sue.

Or take steps to get over it.

Only you can decide how to move forward.

You have one life. This is it. No point in wasting it feeling sorry for yourself. It's happened. Now what to do.

I'd suggest sensitive toothpaste twice a day. I use sensodyne original (not whitening. And not Colgate or others).

And use words like 'damage' to your teeth instead of language which is more usually used for sexual assaults. It's not appropriate.

Your teeth can be repaired. And you will find a good dentist through reviews or word of mouth. You can move forward if you choose to.

I'm not sure if there is a backstory here but spending "thousands" on counselling for this alone seems a bit OTT.
Perhaps it's been to address a number of issues. In which case perhaps you could get a different therapist that you find more beneficial and return to therapy to get you through this difficult time.

Topseyt123 · 30/09/2024 17:13

Medical treatment that you did not consent to and actively said no to is assault. That includes dentistry.

I have no advice but you do have my sympathy.

I too am scared of going to the dentist and I only tend to go when I know I absolutely need to.

No bad experiences for me, I'm just super sensitive and hate the feel of it all. Also, though I am not needle phobic, I am actually terrified of feeling the dentist's local anaesthetic needle going into my gum or coming near it. I have to get them to paste on numbing gel very thickly first.

I know none of that is what you are discussing here, but I do have sympathy with anyone who has a fear of dental treatment for whatever reason.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 17:14

fussygalore118 · 30/09/2024 16:25

But surely you can have new pictures taken?if the enamel has been damaged) removed it won't repair itself, so new pictures can be taken?

I should have taken pictures right after it happened, but I was relying on the pictures taken by my NHS dentist, then I thought that the GDC would have someone examine me.

It's now been over 5 years and I wear a plastic retainer nightly that scrapes against the cuts when I remove it so they're nowhere near as defined. Plus, I don't know if a dentist would willingly take the pictures, why would they?

OP posts:
BoundaryGirl3939 · 30/09/2024 17:25

I dont trust doctors or dentists in general. Many of them have a god-like complex imo. I think you need to chalk it down to a bad experience and be very, very wary. I think therevare some dentists who are more into the alternative/natural side of things (No mercury fillings etc) who you may look into seeing. I don't think you will get justice here so I would let it go.

Cryingoverporn · 30/09/2024 17:40

You weren't assaulted. What an insult to the thousands of women who have actually been raped or beaten up, resulting in real physical harm.

You think you know better than your dentist - why is that? It was a 20 minute appointment, and some enamel came off with the glue.

You're completely over reacting, to the point that I can't even believe this is real.

If it is real, then I have no idea how you actually cope with day to day life.

Get a grip!

(Also, how do people like this find the TIME ?!)

twomanyfrogsinabox · 30/09/2024 17:41

I'm a bit confused, did the dentist charge you for work you didn't want done? Or was it all part of the work you had already agreed to pay for.

I would get a private dentist to write a report on the state of the enamel on the teeth you think the dentist damaged. Have you had trouble with the teeth since or needed work to repair the damage? If so I would try to claim the costs back.

twomanyfrogsinabox · 30/09/2024 17:46

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 17:14

I should have taken pictures right after it happened, but I was relying on the pictures taken by my NHS dentist, then I thought that the GDC would have someone examine me.

It's now been over 5 years and I wear a plastic retainer nightly that scrapes against the cuts when I remove it so they're nowhere near as defined. Plus, I don't know if a dentist would willingly take the pictures, why would they?

If the enamel was damaged it's still damaged and you get a solicitor to refer you to an independent dentist to get a report (with pictures) of the damage to your teeth. Dentists don't necessarily have any loyalty to other dentists particularly not rogue ones as you consider that one. There are medical complaints specialist lawyers.

Nannyoggapple · 30/09/2024 17:49

Cryingoverporn · 30/09/2024 17:40

You weren't assaulted. What an insult to the thousands of women who have actually been raped or beaten up, resulting in real physical harm.

You think you know better than your dentist - why is that? It was a 20 minute appointment, and some enamel came off with the glue.

You're completely over reacting, to the point that I can't even believe this is real.

If it is real, then I have no idea how you actually cope with day to day life.

Get a grip!

(Also, how do people like this find the TIME ?!)

That was so nasty.

Were you there?

People like you have been brainwashed to see medical professionals as God's.

When actually some of them abuse their position to abuse people.

I was just reading about the doctor n the USA who sexually assaulted hundreds of teenage female gymnasts.

He got away with it for so long because he was a Doctor.

Nannyoggapple · 30/09/2024 17:54

I was just thinking of other bad dentists that I've had to go through.

One of them kept putting his hands in my mouth, without wearing any gloves.

Another one kept pressing his thigh into me while I was lying down. He pressed his thigh hard into me, for ages.

At first I thought "maybe he has to do that to position himself, as he is leaning in over me to look at my mouth".

But then I realised he definitely didn't need to do it.

The dental nurse was sitting on my other side, leaning over to do things to my mouth too, but she never once brushed off my body with her body.

Some of them are disgusting people.

hillroad · 30/09/2024 17:55

I wonder if your daughter was ever sexually or physically assaulted OP - how you would view your use of that word in this thread.

I hope you never find out

Nannyoggapple · 30/09/2024 18:28

hillroad · 30/09/2024 17:55

I wonder if your daughter was ever sexually or physically assaulted OP - how you would view your use of that word in this thread.

I hope you never find out

Disgusting

Nannyoggapple · 30/09/2024 18:32

Why do some women always think it's a competition of who was assaulted the most

When they hear about assault?

I remember when I was sexually assaulted once, and i remember that women I told werent sympathetic when i told them ..

I told a friend about it.

I remember that She glared at me and said "sure that's nothing I've been raped by my dads friend"

It's not always a competition!!!

Just because you've been assaulted worse ,

doesn't mean that other people shouldn't talk about their assault.

CucumberBagel · 30/09/2024 18:40

hillroad · 30/09/2024 17:55

I wonder if your daughter was ever sexually or physically assaulted OP - how you would view your use of that word in this thread.

I hope you never find out

I've been sexually assaulted and I agree with her use of the word. Take several seats.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 18:42

WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · 30/09/2024 16:49

I feel for you OP. Have also had unnecessary treatment done by a dentist which has left me with weakened teeth. He was awful and rude, and while I consented to the treatment as I thought it was needed, it wasn't. He then did so much to my teeth that I needed more expensive solutions and had no choice as to spending the money, as the damage had been done.
I remain terrified of the dentist, but have managed to find some sensible and very conservative ones over the years. I have to talk myself into trusting them though.
Whatever people say, doing things to you without your consent is not OK.

Thank you and I'm sorry that you were harmed. Some dentists are so low on empathy and just care about taking your money.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 18:51

Sorati · 30/09/2024 16:52

I agree and I’m surprised at some of the responses, I think some people just don’t really care about their teeth.

OP after years of bulimia I lost a lot of enamel from my teeth, when I realised how bad it was I was at rock bottom and so self conscious, my teeth looked see through. I found a solution for building them up again and did everything I could to raise the money, I was desperate to fix them and so surprised at some people’s attitudes that couldn’t see why I was so distressed.

After I had the bonding done I couldn’t believe how I’d managed with the damage to the enamel for so long. My teeth were rough and very sensitive before. The thought of a dentist deliberately removing enamel off my teeth without permission is very triggering and would definitely feel like an assault. If you went to a hairdresser and that cut off all your hair then that’s assault so why isn’t damage to teeth?!

Thank you. That sounds horrendous what you went through, I'm glad you found a way to resolve it.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 19:03

DeliciousApples · 30/09/2024 17:07

I'm sorry that happened to you.

You need to take steps to sue.

Or take steps to get over it.

Only you can decide how to move forward.

You have one life. This is it. No point in wasting it feeling sorry for yourself. It's happened. Now what to do.

I'd suggest sensitive toothpaste twice a day. I use sensodyne original (not whitening. And not Colgate or others).

And use words like 'damage' to your teeth instead of language which is more usually used for sexual assaults. It's not appropriate.

Your teeth can be repaired. And you will find a good dentist through reviews or word of mouth. You can move forward if you choose to.

I'm not sure if there is a backstory here but spending "thousands" on counselling for this alone seems a bit OTT.
Perhaps it's been to address a number of issues. In which case perhaps you could get a different therapist that you find more beneficial and return to therapy to get you through this difficult time.

Thank you. I've used non-whitening sensodyne twice a day since it happened. The damaged areas are still sensitive.

Three different dentists have told me that nothing can be done to repair the damage.

As a PP said, there are many types of assault, one of them being sexual. If someone cuts you with a knife, that's an assault. This man cut me with a drill against my will and left lasting damage. Just because he's a health professional doesn't make it less violating or less of an assault. It makes it worse for me because I blindly trusted him.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 20:32

BoundaryGirl3939 · 30/09/2024 17:25

I dont trust doctors or dentists in general. Many of them have a god-like complex imo. I think you need to chalk it down to a bad experience and be very, very wary. I think therevare some dentists who are more into the alternative/natural side of things (No mercury fillings etc) who you may look into seeing. I don't think you will get justice here so I would let it go.

Thank you and I agree about doctors. I know I won't get justice, I've given up on that a long time ago.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 20:43

Cryingoverporn · 30/09/2024 17:40

You weren't assaulted. What an insult to the thousands of women who have actually been raped or beaten up, resulting in real physical harm.

You think you know better than your dentist - why is that? It was a 20 minute appointment, and some enamel came off with the glue.

You're completely over reacting, to the point that I can't even believe this is real.

If it is real, then I have no idea how you actually cope with day to day life.

Get a grip!

(Also, how do people like this find the TIME ?!)

Maybe look up the definition of assault. And medical battery.

Then tell me how using the correct term for what happened to me is insulting or takes away from anyone else's experience. Just because it wasn't "as bad" according to you.

There was no glue, I was lied to and something I said no to was forced on me. I've explained in detail why I know I was gaslighted by both dentists.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 20:51

twomanyfrogsinabox · 30/09/2024 17:41

I'm a bit confused, did the dentist charge you for work you didn't want done? Or was it all part of the work you had already agreed to pay for.

I would get a private dentist to write a report on the state of the enamel on the teeth you think the dentist damaged. Have you had trouble with the teeth since or needed work to repair the damage? If so I would try to claim the costs back.

I wouldn't call it "work", it was knowingly damaging the enamel of 6 teeth in order to reduce the size of one of them. He didn't charge me for that in particular, but charged me for making a retainer. He did reimburse me after I complained (and after a lot of chasing).
The damage is documented in my dental notes. I've had lasting sensitivity since then.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 20:54

twomanyfrogsinabox · 30/09/2024 17:46

If the enamel was damaged it's still damaged and you get a solicitor to refer you to an independent dentist to get a report (with pictures) of the damage to your teeth. Dentists don't necessarily have any loyalty to other dentists particularly not rogue ones as you consider that one. There are medical complaints specialist lawyers.

I contacted several solicitors at the time and no one was interested. And I think you can only pursue it up to 2 years after the incident.

I'm not sure about dentists not having loyalty to each other, that's not been my experience.

OP posts:
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