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Scared of dentists since assault

117 replies

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 14:29

I'm sorry, this will be a very long post. This happened a few years ago so it’s too late to seek justice, although I tried at the time. However, it is the most violating thing anyone has done to me and still affects me every day.

I saw an orthodontist for advice about my bite which was uncomfortable after treatment with braces elsewhere. An upper canine was in an awkward position and hitting hard against my lower teeth. My retainer was very painful to wear and I wanted to get a new one, but also wanted to ask if the canine could be moved to a more comfortable position. He told me that this would be resolved by shaving off a “minimal” amount of my enamel. I didn’t like the sound of it so I said no, but I asked him to make me a replacement retainer. He brought it up a couple more times and I kept saying no. We agreed that I would come back for the impressions to be taken, and while I was leaving he mentioned that he’d clean some glue left from a previous fixed retainer at the back of my teeth. I had told him I’d had a retainer which was removed and so was the glue, but I thought he meant there was a speck left or something.

I ignored the red flags – he was dismissive, borderline rude and kept insisting that my tooth should be shaved. But I thought nothing bad could happen by just getting a new retainer. I thought I was safe because he was a director at a practice owned by a well-known brand. I’m quite naïve and I always assume that people are honest and can’t imagine why they’d lie.

At the next appointment he said he’d have to first remove glue from the backs of my teeth. I said I didn’t want any of my enamel to be removed. He said, “No enamel will be removed. I’ll use a tool that can’t remove any enamel”. I’d had glue removed from my teeth several times before and there’s never been any issues so I agreed. He started from the opposite canine to the one that was causing me problems. Halfway through I thought this didn’t feel right because he was moving the drill up and down the whole backs of my teeth, not just in a specific place where there could have been a bit of glue left. I just stared at him, I didn’t know what to do. When he got to the problematic canine he pressed hard, making 3-4 vertical lines top to bottom, then a horizontal slash at the end of my tooth. Only then did I realise he was drilling into my teeth but it was too late. When I felt the backs of my teeth they were no longer smooth, they were all scratched and the canine had deep cuts into it and was thinner and shorter than before. I told him, you removed my enamel, he said no enamel was removed, there was a lot of glue there. I told him he had no right to do this but he kept denying. I realised that the dental nurse had spent the whole appointment with her back turned to me. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do, I also had to go back to work.

The next day I called my dentist and they gave me an appointment that morning. It was a new dentist that I didn’t know. She took photos of the backs of my teeth then pointed at the yellow lines on them and said that that’s where enamel had been removed. I was still very upset and blurted out something like, “send me a copy of these photos, I’m going to sue him”. She looked taken aback, she said, “But it’s nothing, just a bit of enamel”. When I finally got the photos they were so blurry that none of the damage could be seen, and only less than half of the canine was shown. I guess no amount of blurring could hide the damage so they had to crop the picture there.

I filed a complaint to the orthodontic practice which started a long email chain between me and the man who assaulted me. He changed his story, first claiming that a tiny amount of enamel may have been removed but he hadn’t noticed it. Then he insisted that no enamel could have been removed and that he must have not removed all of the glue and I should go back to him so he can remove the rest of the glue and prove it to me. He said I could go to any of his colleagues to do that if I preferred. He contradicted himself in other ways. He also included a one-page essay on how common and benign it was to remove enamel and how he’s done it to thousands of people on hundreds of thousands of teeth.

I then reported the orthodontist to the General Dental Council who regulate dentists in the UK. They got “independent” clinical opinion, which just completely sided with the orthodontist. They stated that he had used the correct instrument – no information given how they concluded that. They said that I had consented to my enamel being removed because I had consented to the removal of glue and that had the risk of removing some enamel. But the amounts were so small that he didn’t have to ask me for my consent. They closed the case and ignored my emails asking how they came to their conclusions.

I’ve spent thousands on therapy since then and I’m still not ok. It’s ruined my self-confidence, sense of safety and trust in people, especially doctors. It feels very isolating, I wish there was a support group for what I experienced but I haven’t been able to find one. The damaged areas of my teeth are still sensitive every day, I can also feel their uneven surface and that’s all very triggering. I now avoid dentists, having previously always gone twice a year and been a very calm patient. I now make myself go once a year but I have anxiety for weeks ahead of the appointment.

Thank you for taking the time to those who read the whole thing. I’d be grateful for any advice on how to heal or how to trust dentists again.

OP posts:
Lelophants · 30/09/2024 23:13

There are dentists who are good at supporting autistic people so there should be some who will be especially patient and support past trauma. I’d ask around.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 23:14

Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 30/09/2024 22:15

Gently, OP, what are you wanting now? You mention having EMDR twice - was it truncated unnecessarily the first time? I am concerned it has taken 2 courses and you still have not resolved your trauma.

I think healing is a process and you can't be expected to just snap out of it. For me it's mostly the physical reminder that brings me back, and also when I need to see a dentist.

The first course of EMDR didn't help much, the therapist wasn't a good match so that was a waste of a year. The second one was way better.

OP posts:
neepsa · 30/09/2024 23:23

You have essentially described the process of debonding a fixed retainer, which is what the orthodontist did. Yes, microns of enamel will have been removed. This is normal and you can still feel this with your tongue on the back of the tooth. It feels like scratches, most likely where scraps of glue remain. In order to remove those scratches and remnants of glue, you need to let the orthodontist do further drilling, polishing and smoothing - all which take time.

I very much doubt the orthodontist wanted to continue this with you after you ‘blurted out, I’m going to sue you’ for gods sake.

I think you have dramatically over egged the ‘assault’ claim, and it’s actually incredibly offensive to anyone who has ever been actually assaulted. In this case, you 100% have not been.

The GDC is brutal, and if there had been the SLIGHTEST hint of wrong doing, they would have pursued the dentist.

Your anxiety sounds deep rooted and it seems you have latched on to a very minor slight, and turned it into a hugely chaotic event resulting in legal threats - even as you state blurting out to the dentist ‘I’m going to sue you’ without so much as a review or chat?!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 23:25

Lelophants · 30/09/2024 23:11

I don’t mean to be unkind, but I am struggling a bit to understand why this is seen as an assault. It sounds like he was doing what needed to be done to your teeth? Are they particularly sensitive - do you have some particular sensory needs? I suppose I can’t imagine being so concerned about an orthodontist working on my teeth. Unless it was very painful? I do wonder if you have some other things going on in your life to see this as such an assault. Do you have a partner/close friends? What do they say?

Because I said no and I have the right to bodily autonomy.

A doctor can only recommend a treatment, even if they believe it "needs to be done" - which is an opinion that may not be shared by other doctors.

A patient has the right to say no to any treatment. Or may choose to have the treatment done by someone else.

A doctor performing any procedure without the patient's consent is medical battery or assault (except in cases where the patient can't consent).

OP posts:
sleepdeprivationismyname · 30/09/2024 23:27

A close family member is a very well respected local dentist. I grew up hearing stories about how he had to review, photograph, fix and document cases for the board that governed when people submitted malpractice claims. It was more frequent than you would expect, and the UK was a much less letigious society then. I find it hard to think that they would be covering up (not impossible though, I know), but if they have turned down the case then there is likely cause for it. The question is where do you go from here? What are your options for solutions?

Boidont · 30/09/2024 23:37

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 15:10

My therapist said that I can always said know and I can ask questions, but I did those things and I was still harmed. And lied to more than once so I just find it hard to trust dentists now.

I haven't had similar incidents because I've never been violated like that.

I could have written this OP.
My trauma is very different to yours however involves my lack of consent being ignored repeatedly too.
Sorry if I have missed it - could this go to the ombudsman? I currently have a case with them, also for a (different) medical event.
Don’t be afraid to push for answers. Like you say, they did not explain how they came to their conclusion that the right tool was used. Insist they explain. I know it takes a lot out of you.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 30/09/2024 23:45

neepsa · 30/09/2024 23:23

You have essentially described the process of debonding a fixed retainer, which is what the orthodontist did. Yes, microns of enamel will have been removed. This is normal and you can still feel this with your tongue on the back of the tooth. It feels like scratches, most likely where scraps of glue remain. In order to remove those scratches and remnants of glue, you need to let the orthodontist do further drilling, polishing and smoothing - all which take time.

I very much doubt the orthodontist wanted to continue this with you after you ‘blurted out, I’m going to sue you’ for gods sake.

I think you have dramatically over egged the ‘assault’ claim, and it’s actually incredibly offensive to anyone who has ever been actually assaulted. In this case, you 100% have not been.

The GDC is brutal, and if there had been the SLIGHTEST hint of wrong doing, they would have pursued the dentist.

Your anxiety sounds deep rooted and it seems you have latched on to a very minor slight, and turned it into a hugely chaotic event resulting in legal threats - even as you state blurting out to the dentist ‘I’m going to sue you’ without so much as a review or chat?!

You have completely misunderstood my post.

The retainer had already been removed, 2 years prior, and my teeth were very smooth with no signs of glue. He convinced me that there was more glue left on my teeth and left me with painful cuts and scratches all over, top to bottom, when the retainer had been right next to the gum. He didn't say anything about smoothing and polishing, just left me with the cuts. He took the impressions for removable retainer right after and the cuts can even be seen on the retainer. I've had rebonding twice before - once for braces and once to remove the fixed retainer and it was nothing like this.

I didn't tell him I was going to sue him. Again, it's in my post.

I was actually assaulted. It's offensive to not believe me just because you think you know better, when you weren't even there and haven't even bothered reading my post properly.

Again, I never told him that I was going to sue him. I mentioned it to my dentist the day after, after being advised by a bad counsellor.

The GDC is not at all as you describe them, in my experience and that of many others I've met online. There was plenty of evidence of wrongdoing in my case that they completely ignored with 0 justification.

OP posts:
Incakewetrust · 01/10/2024 00:07

There's a lot to unpick here but in regards to the cuts in your teeth, if you find a different dentist that you trust, they can fill the scratches so you won't have sensitivity anymore.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 01/10/2024 00:17

sleepdeprivationismyname · 30/09/2024 23:27

A close family member is a very well respected local dentist. I grew up hearing stories about how he had to review, photograph, fix and document cases for the board that governed when people submitted malpractice claims. It was more frequent than you would expect, and the UK was a much less letigious society then. I find it hard to think that they would be covering up (not impossible though, I know), but if they have turned down the case then there is likely cause for it. The question is where do you go from here? What are your options for solutions?

Edited

There must have been a cause but they failed to explain it and ignored me when I asked for the justification, despite stating on their website that it's something that they provide. The whole process was very different to how they described it on their website.

At the time I did find an article about the GDC having been reviewed by an external body that found a lot wrong with how they handle malpractice cases.

OP posts:
Allthehorsesintheworld · 01/10/2024 00:36

I had a bad experience with a dentist ( can’t say what as I’ve talked about it irl) but I can only say I’m glad my dog was never treated as badly, or as painfully!
Took me years to trust a dentist again. I eventually had to find one as I had raging toothache. I explained my previous experience, he was shocked to say the least. I’ve now had an extraction, and a repair plus he examines my teeth without any metal probes which are my raging fear. He explains everything he is doing, an agreed signal for him to stop at any time and there is never anything rushed. I have to drive a 140 mile round trip for a check up now but it’s worth it as I know he’s 100% trustworthy.
Can only suggest you try a BUPA dentist in your area. BUPA send you a satisfaction questionnaire after each appointment.

SmallMexicanChihuahua · 01/10/2024 00:36

Boidont · 30/09/2024 23:37

I could have written this OP.
My trauma is very different to yours however involves my lack of consent being ignored repeatedly too.
Sorry if I have missed it - could this go to the ombudsman? I currently have a case with them, also for a (different) medical event.
Don’t be afraid to push for answers. Like you say, they did not explain how they came to their conclusion that the right tool was used. Insist they explain. I know it takes a lot out of you.

I'm so sorry you're going through similar. It's really tough and people don't understand how hard it is to try and prove negligence and how you have to fight every step because of lies, missing records, and HCPs covering up for each other.

I think the ombudsman was for NHS only, and I saw the orthodontist as a private patient.

I've given up with the GDC, they ignored multiple emails asking for justification, as well as an official application to review the decision. I know of someone else who had a case against the same dentist around the same time and it was similarly dismissed.

I hope you have better luck with the ombudsman!

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 01/10/2024 00:40

Incakewetrust · 01/10/2024 00:07

There's a lot to unpick here but in regards to the cuts in your teeth, if you find a different dentist that you trust, they can fill the scratches so you won't have sensitivity anymore.

I was told by 3 different dentists that they can't do anything about it. And to be fair, the idea of any dental work fills me with horror now.

Which is annoying because I used to be the calmest patient and could never understand why anyone would feel anxious about going to the dentist.

OP posts:
SmallMexicanChihuahua · 01/10/2024 00:45

Allthehorsesintheworld · 01/10/2024 00:36

I had a bad experience with a dentist ( can’t say what as I’ve talked about it irl) but I can only say I’m glad my dog was never treated as badly, or as painfully!
Took me years to trust a dentist again. I eventually had to find one as I had raging toothache. I explained my previous experience, he was shocked to say the least. I’ve now had an extraction, and a repair plus he examines my teeth without any metal probes which are my raging fear. He explains everything he is doing, an agreed signal for him to stop at any time and there is never anything rushed. I have to drive a 140 mile round trip for a check up now but it’s worth it as I know he’s 100% trustworthy.
Can only suggest you try a BUPA dentist in your area. BUPA send you a satisfaction questionnaire after each appointment.

Thanks for the advice. But I'm never trusting bupa again after this, and they were useless with the complaint process.

OP posts:
thoonerismspread · 01/10/2024 08:33

Gymmum82 · 30/09/2024 15:33

As someone who has been sexually assaulted and violated I can assure you that having some of your enamel removed is neither of those things. Please stop using such emotive language to describe an issue that is neither assault nor violation

With respect, so have I. I've been a victim of attempted murder too, that doesn't mean I'm invalidating your experience nor do I think it isn't dreadful.
I also do not think the OP hasn't been assaulted.

daydreamingnightowl · 02/10/2024 05:38

Cryingoverporn · 30/09/2024 17:40

You weren't assaulted. What an insult to the thousands of women who have actually been raped or beaten up, resulting in real physical harm.

You think you know better than your dentist - why is that? It was a 20 minute appointment, and some enamel came off with the glue.

You're completely over reacting, to the point that I can't even believe this is real.

If it is real, then I have no idea how you actually cope with day to day life.

Get a grip!

(Also, how do people like this find the TIME ?!)

Are you quite alright? When I see posts like this I genuinely feel sorry for everyone that has to come in to contact with you in real life. You must be an absolute delight to be around. Only one person who needs to get a grip here and it isn't the op.

Petitchat · 03/10/2024 22:41

Cryingoverporn · 30/09/2024 17:40

You weren't assaulted. What an insult to the thousands of women who have actually been raped or beaten up, resulting in real physical harm.

You think you know better than your dentist - why is that? It was a 20 minute appointment, and some enamel came off with the glue.

You're completely over reacting, to the point that I can't even believe this is real.

If it is real, then I have no idea how you actually cope with day to day life.

Get a grip!

(Also, how do people like this find the TIME ?!)

How do people like YOU find the time, to come on to mumsnet and try to invalidate people's feelings????

Fordian · 03/10/2024 23:10

AI

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