Slightly anxious about a day out in London with friends next weekend, I hate being pressured to drink more than I'm comfortable with!

[Winterysun]

I'm going with 3 friends who I like very much, it's one of their birthdays. We're sight-seeing in the morning, followed by lunch and then a show. 🎶

All my favourite things, EXCEPT - they want to start drinking on the train at 9 am, bringing a bottle each. I just know I won't enjoy the day if I do that, I love a drink or 2 with lunch, then maybe in the theatre during interval, but alcohol hits me v quickly and the thought of constantly needing the loo, feeling headachey & sleepy is likely to ruin the day for me. I'd rather just have coffee on the early train, which I have before with them, but they (one in particular) got irritated because I wasn't drinking. I think she felt I was judging them, but I wasn't at all, I just can't drink what they can! Doesn't affect my enjoyment of going out though.

If I'm with them and skip a round (even if it's my turn and I buy them drinks and myself a soft drink), I always get a few comments, even though I say I'm enjoying the evening but don't want a stinking headache next day!

Any ideas how to deal with this?

Buy a bottle of something alcohol free? Also if they were my friends I'd tell them to sod off and I'll drink whatever I like.

I think you tell them in advance that you plan nit to drink until lunchtime and you don't want them to go on about it. Then if they do, you remind then that you're doing what you said you would.

who I like very much

You shouldn’t given that they seem to have zero respect for you. You shouldn’t have people getting irritated with you and ‘making comments’ for not keeping up with the same amount of drinks. Would it not also be a bit embarrassing to be seen drinking on the train at 9am?!

Just be clear and direct.

“I’m ok for a drink at the moment thanks, I’m actively trying to consume less for personal reasons”

”I’ve already had two and I think I’m going to pause there for a while please respect that”

the older I have got the more alcohol affects me and I have had to deal with friends pushing me to drink more. Just stick to your guns.

If you don’t feel like you can tell them the truth, I would say you’ve got some sort of infection and that you’re on antibiotics. Or you’re trialing anti depressants. Lying to them won’t solve the long term problem but it will get them off your back that day. Although it will mean you having no drinks at all, and having to put up with drunk people…

As long as you are paying a share, if your drinks are non-alcoholic then anyone who is a friend should respect that.

In an ideal world you should be able to just tell them you don’t fancy a drink, of course.

If that really isn’t an option then could you fake it? I had 2 hen do’s and a friend’s birthday trip when I was pregnant but hadn’t announced yet and rather than coming up with an excuse for why I wasn’t drinking (because every excuse I could think of just felt like holding up a sign saying “I’M PREGNANT”) I just faked it and nobody noticed. So for the train if they’re saying take a bottle of wine, just swap out whats in your bottle for something that looks the same (I emptied a rosé bottle and filled it with Shloer instead, looked identical and nobody have guessed). At the bars I asked for my lemonade in a gin glass, or a mocktail instead of a cocktail, one of them I was drinking 0% Heineken but asked for it in a glass and nobody noticed, then when shots came round I passed on them and nobody batted an eye as they’d all had a few drinks by then.

It’s horrendous isn’t it. I used to have to go through Chester on the train, and ‘Races Day’ was full of screeching drunk women drinking first thing. And the flirting with random men in the vicinity… hahah.

I hate this. It’s just a thing in some friendship groups.
All you can do is say ‘too early for me I’m afraid, I’m a lightweight. I’ll join you at lunchtime…’

If you’re joining in the laughs and having a good time they’ll soon be too drunk to notice.

Any ideas how to deal with this?

Yeah, just tell them no and stick to it.

I'm not a daytime drinker but I have plenty of friends who are, and I just stick with a firm 'No, I'll have a couple tonight'.

Honestly, pushing people to drink, or shaming them for not is awful.
You need better friends.
I'd cry off on the day out.

I'm afraid I wouldn't put up with that, I don't drink at all and would hate anyone putting pressure on me too. I would think a message before hand saying very clearly you don't want to drink loads/before lunch and if they are putting pressure on you to then it will spoil the day for you. Then if they still do they aren't really friends and that would be the end of that for me.

They don't sound like very good friends to me.

To anyone saying the OP should tell lies, she shouldn't.

Not everyone wants to drink during the day, and they need to learn the OP is one of them.

The problem is theirs if they can't accept that, although after a few firm nos from the OP, they'll have to.

But cock and bull stories are only going to trip the OP up.

9 am drinking? Grim

I agree.
Also if she tells some story about being on antibiotics for instance then what happens if she does want a drink with lunch?

Sounds like at least one of your friends has an alcohol problem. I mean who on earth thinks a fun day out in Lodnon begins with slugging booze out of a bottle on a train at 9am?!? Most normal drinkers don't get offended or have a go at others for not drinking. Only people who know that they can't control their drinking themselves behave like that...

Based on what op has said about their past reactions, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t believe her anyway if she lied.

They'll be a state before they get to the show and or be so drunk the ruin it for everyone else.

Just say no, take your own drink, drink alcohol free or soft drinks. Our generation has such a weird relationship with alcohol the pre drinking before we went out as teens etc. I don't think the younger generation treats alcohol the same way.

Spending a day with people who've been drinking from 9am sounds like hell on earth