Slightly anxious about a day out in London with friends next weekend, I hate being pressured to drink more than I'm comfortable with!

[Winterysun]

I'm going with 3 friends who I like very much, it's one of their birthdays. We're sight-seeing in the morning, followed by lunch and then a show. 🎶

All my favourite things, EXCEPT - they want to start drinking on the train at 9 am, bringing a bottle each. I just know I won't enjoy the day if I do that, I love a drink or 2 with lunch, then maybe in the theatre during interval, but alcohol hits me v quickly and the thought of constantly needing the loo, feeling headachey & sleepy is likely to ruin the day for me. I'd rather just have coffee on the early train, which I have before with them, but they (one in particular) got irritated because I wasn't drinking. I think she felt I was judging them, but I wasn't at all, I just can't drink what they can! Doesn't affect my enjoyment of going out though.

If I'm with them and skip a round (even if it's my turn and I buy them drinks and myself a soft drink), I always get a few comments, even though I say I'm enjoying the evening but don't want a stinking headache next day!

Any ideas how to deal with this?

My thoughts exactly.

Just tell them that drinking at that time in the morning makes you feel like shit so you are going to wait until later on.

They're not your friends @Winterysun and with that in mind, I'd tell them to I'm not drinking, repeating with increasing exasperation until I make a comment about their obvious memory issues. But, I have zero time for dick heads.

I don't drink and am used to the odd comment, but generally speaking, once people know, they aren't bothered.

Stick to your guns and they'll soon get bored. Definitely get a different train and meet them there though. I can't stand people drinking on the train being wankers.

I get it, OP. I'm teetotal, like hot drinks in the train and it's not a judgement on anybody else. Even back in the day I lamented that nightclubs didn't do tea or coffee rather than cider-and-black and any other regrettable (for me) choice.

It's lifestyle and actually what anyoneforcustard said about you doing the events with pissed friends would really make me pause. It's not about alcohol it's about the damned 'getting pissed' culture and screeching about the place. It would make me feel like an interloper or outsider. It's sad.

I don't know what the answer is, go or not go? If you don't go you miss out on a day with your friends but if you do go, you'll be on pins and having to lie, ffs.

I agree with this. Why should people feel compelled to make up ridiculous lies, instead of just saying that they do not desire a drink? I would not want to feel such pressure to even think of having to make such excuses. No I don't want a drink now, should be more than enough.

I was at a party on Saturday night, same situation knew I'd get pestered for not drinking. I just went to the bar and bought a non alcoholic kopperberg. Could you do soemthintg like that and put it in a travel cup and just say you're drinking kopperberg, get a coffee too and drink it more.

Because some people just will not take no for an answer and go on and on and on and it ends up ruining your day/night. Just letting them believe you're drinking is sometimes less hassle.

"i’m guessing you are over 40 and have known these women for years"

I was thinking she was younger as by 40 your tolerance for nonsense has usually disappeared.

Just tell them no, you don't want a drink yet and get a coffee or whatever

I think you just have to own it and say no thank you and ignore any comments - as long as you're ok hanging out with them while they're having a drink then they shouldn't have an issue with that!

But... it sounds pretty awful hanging out with people drinking from 9am IMO and not normal behaviour at all. I'd be asleep by midday - and I do really enjoy having a few drinks (just not in the morning😂)!

This is what I struggle to understand though. Why should it matter to them? No one is saying to them not to drink. Not everyone needs a drink to be involved, for them to have a good time. It is peer pressure from grown women, who should just get on with what they want to do.

I think if people go on and on about you having a drink when you've said you don't want to, then they're not the right friends for you!

A lot of people think you need a drink to have fun, which is really quite sad.

2 if you count the one who said 'fake it'.

But anyway, I've a feeling others will be along to suggest more lies.

Ah OP I'm so sorry this is causing you concern. I've had it for years and it's bloody irritating!! I have no idea why me choosing or not choosing to do something has such an effect on how other people feel about their own actions. I don't ever judge peoples drinking choices (other than my DH when I have to deal with the grumpy bugger when hes hungover :P) but have mine commented on all the bloody time.

I wish I had advice for you. I've never managed to get it right. Instead I distanced myself from those people and got new friends. Recently I was at the pub, on a friends round I asked for water. She was reviewing the round out loud, got to me and just said 'and a water...got it' with no inflection or anything in her voice, no cajoling, nothing. Just, got me a water. I was so amazed I commented on it to the wider group how nice it was to have friends who just get you the drink you ask for without bullying or commenting on it. They all looked at me like I was a bit weird 😅 But, I hope you find your people!!!

God, what twatty mates. Why do you care what these idiots think?

My worst nightmare. I don't drink either. They're going to be so pissed by the time the show starts. I feel for those going that have paid a fortune for their tickets 😕

Don't drink on the train if you don't want to. When you've reached your limit during the day, switch to non alcoholic drinks.
Works for me.

I love a glass of wine with lunch or dinner, or a cocktail in the afternoon, but I can't think of any circumstance when I would feel like I want alcohol at 9am. Neither would any of my friends. That is absurd. Are they just going to spend the entire day pissed?

Friends don't do that.

Friends wouldn't want or expect you to anything which made you uncomfortable or unhappy.

Ahh this has reminded me of a time I dragged myself out for a mates 21st even though I had a stinking cold and a barman made me a hot honey, lemon & ginger. Was such a good day.

Or the time I asked for a virgin espresso martini.... ie an ice coffee :P that one is still a fave!

Like pposters, the thought of how pissed they’ll be watching the show makes me feel annoyed for you and the rest of the audience. I don’t think any day out is ever better for anyone drinking at 9am.
Personally I know longer drink, but that kind of pressure would make me even more stubborn and dig my heels in, and far less likely to cave in.

A few options here:

Message the group ahead of time and say you can’t wait to catch up but you don’t plan to drink a lot and won’t appreciate feeling pressured. You could mention being unwell recently if you feel that you need an excuse (although you shouldn’t with friends!)

Can you bring a bottle of alcohol free Prosecco so you can join in without drinking? You can keep it in your bag beside you for fear of train conductors if you don’t want them to know.

Alternatively can you sip at one glass, or simply say “I can’t wait for a glass of fizz later but I really need a coffee first!”

I think you need to prepare a few sharp remarks to make if they comment on your not drinking to make clear you won’t tolerate it. Things like “I can make my own decisions, thanks very much”, “I don’t fancy a drink just now - can’t see how that’s any of your business?” You basically need to nip it in the bud so they don’t feel comfortable commenting.

I'm up for wine at lunch & dinner, and used to be for the theatre interval but I can't now or I'd need the loo during the second act!

But drinking at 09.00 on the train?

That's just grim and you need to remind them before you go that you won't be drinking as much as they will be and they're not to go on about it. The day is also for your enjoyment and you shouldn't be anxious beforehand.

I actually think middle aged women are the worst for this! I got it all day at the weekend as I had to drive and the whole day was comments on it which was very wearing!!

I think they were excited about the day out and just wanted to include me. But I get you @Winterysun ! I think the only way is to tell them when you get on the train and just have coffee and ignore!

Each to his own and all that but this would be my idea of hell. True friends wouldn’t be judgy with you in this way. Do you really want to sit by while they get tipsy on the train? Cringeworthy. Find more like minded friends.

I find its the alcoholics that put pressure on you. As a drink only when I feel like it and one or two only due to other health issues I have lives with this for 35 yrs pretty much - really pisses me off too. I say take your own drinks - fancy mocktails if you will, I wouldn't even get into bringing any for them to consume and just say you are not going there to day and you will be their designated sober (ish) person lol. Personally unless I really knew the friends well and they accepted the way I am re alcohol then I just wouldn't get involved