Slightly anxious about a day out in London with friends next weekend, I hate being pressured to drink more than I'm comfortable with!

[Winterysun]

I'm going with 3 friends who I like very much, it's one of their birthdays. We're sight-seeing in the morning, followed by lunch and then a show. 🎶

All my favourite things, EXCEPT - they want to start drinking on the train at 9 am, bringing a bottle each. I just know I won't enjoy the day if I do that, I love a drink or 2 with lunch, then maybe in the theatre during interval, but alcohol hits me v quickly and the thought of constantly needing the loo, feeling headachey & sleepy is likely to ruin the day for me. I'd rather just have coffee on the early train, which I have before with them, but they (one in particular) got irritated because I wasn't drinking. I think she felt I was judging them, but I wasn't at all, I just can't drink what they can! Doesn't affect my enjoyment of going out though.

If I'm with them and skip a round (even if it's my turn and I buy them drinks and myself a soft drink), I always get a few comments, even though I say I'm enjoying the evening but don't want a stinking headache next day!

Any ideas how to deal with this?

@Winterysun I'm happy for you that you like your 3 friends so much, they must be amazing friends when they're not bladdered.

You say you're "slightly anxious" about going away as you know what you're in for: being pressured and harangued about your personal preference of not wishing to drink as much as them.

Slightly anxious means you're probably going to do what you always do: go along with it, stick it out, feel pressured and uncomfortable, and then resume normal friendships when you all get back.

What can you really do about it?

Besides not going along? Which you don't want to do because you don't wish to miss out ?

The entire long bit about "won't enjoy the day" , "constantly needing the loo" ( which is manageable, is it not)?

"headachy and sleepy" "ruin the day for you", facing irritation from one of your friends because you know your body and respect it's boundaries.

Waiting for the negative comments to come your way?

You know already the answer on how to deal with this: just don't go, or else go.

Forewarned is Forearmed, so arm yourself for snide comments, times of not enjoying yourself, times of enjoying yourself, and just have a good time with your friends.
Your friendship with these girls and the less than stellar behaviour from them that won't change anytime soon, is more important to you than knowing you can't change them.
If you were going by car, I'd suggest you were their dedicated driver.

Thank you everyone, and yes, we're all in our early 50's, so I should be well past worrying what people think! 😀 I think it's just, alcohol doesn't affect them, they just have a good time with no after-effects.

As I say, I DO enjoy a drink, but that means sharing a bottle of wine over dinner, a few (no more than that!) g & t's with lunch, or maybe 2 cocktails in the evening, (not all in one day of course)😀 and if I have much more than these examples I'm sick later.

The poster who said surely constantly needing the loo/being headachey are manageable, a leisurely, solo day out maybe, but not in a group. After a few drinks I can need the loo really suddenly, not fun if you're with a group rushing somewhere, or on a platform with no toilets, I've been there!!

Coffee on the train, a cider at lunch and two at the most, cocktails in the theatre are totally manageable for me, and add to the enjoyment of the day. 9 am drinking just won't! I think I'll message them the day before, if will hopefully take the pressure off.

Boozing it up at 9am on the train is just grim. How can people think that’s fun, normal or acceptable? I’ve seen groups like this and it is just sad

I straight up wouldn't go. Although they would have stopped being my friends by now tbh.

Being pressured to drink is a hard red line for me. You do it once, I warn you not to do it again; you do it one more time and wherever we are, I leave.

And yes, crowds drinking on a train into London at 9am is just... abrasive and pathetic and cringe.

My strategy would be to go on a later train and an earlier one back. I'd make up a random excuse if I had to. Then I'd make sure I knew exactly where the hotel is, and Uber back when they are pissed.

Can you tell I did this once or twice? No one noticed or cared, so long as they had their drinkie fun. I was not anti social, joined them for different things, but escaped the mad drinking sessions. Everyone was happy!

As a recovering alcoholic I’ll say now they are pressuring you to drink because they probably have issues around alcohol themselves! Just be clear before you go and say you won’t be drinking at 9am.

Some of these replies remind me of a concert I went to.

Bloke drinking whilst we sat and waited, he was funny and amusing but by the time the act came on he was sat with his head in his hands, feeling shit most likely.

He missed the whole concert.

Bloody hell, OP. I have friends who "encourage" me to drink more than I really want to, but at least they wait until at least midday before getting started!

Can you try being frank and say "so sorry, but my toleration for alcohol is not up with yours and if I start drinking at 9 I will feel like total shit and not make it to the end of the day?"

I don’t drink during the day but thankfully my friends are fine about it

I don’t get how you can be made to drink? Just don’t drink. I am the same, I do not want to look like a stupid drunk person. Have a couple with a gap in between max. I hate drunk ppl, male or female, it’s disturbing and repellent. Plus you are more liable for accidents, target of crime or losing your belongings.

I'm late 30s and it's fairly normal now if in a big group, someone isn't drinking or is drinking less. Quite a lot of people are going tea/tee? total for their health, nobody really challenges it either they respect the decision. It could be due to someone being an alcoholic! So it's important it's respected. Be firm Op and enjoy your day how you would like to.

Drinking pre midday is indicative of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol; hence the need to ensure everyone is doing it too to normalise it. It isn’t normal.

Anyone pushing a friend to drink to make themselves feel better about their own decisions really does have a problem. But I get it; I’ve had friends like this too. The more pressured I feel to drink the less I drink and agree to socialising with them tbh as I find it really juvenile and cringe.

I also do not agree with PPs who say you should be involved in rounds of drinks if you’re paying for soft drinks: it will bankrupt you!

just say you don’t fancy a drink just yet or if you don’t feel you can be honest with your friends, say you’ve a headache and taken pain killers so will need to wait until they’re worn off before you can start.

Oh God, they’ll be pissed and sing all the way through the show.

I’d die a thousand deaths out of shame, OP.

"I think I'll message them the day before, if will hopefully take the pressure off."

I really wouldn't. Then you're making it into a "thing". Just leave it and when they say "where's your wine?" you just say you're a lightweight and need coffee first

That's what I was thinking. By 10 am they'll be a nuisance to anyone nearby, but by the time the show starts they'll be a nightmare.

I just wouldn't go somewhere like that with them.

And I don't care really what people think of me, but ffs, drinking at 9 am on the train? One clear way to look as though they've got a problem with alcohol.

I’m in a great hill walking group I love meeting up with them and they do some socials in the evenings and also go away for weekends walking. Unfortunately for me as a very light drinker close to teetotal for health reasons I just do not go along as it’s rubbish being the only sober person.

I knew they would be more mature women age wise, that’s my demograph. I don’t know if it’s because they need to drink to drown their sorrows or they don’t get out much so go a bit crackers.

This reminds me of the communal biscuit tin at work, I do not possess a sweet tooth at all and cakes, puddings and sweets did not feature in my upbringing that much. You would think I had stamped on a kittens head or something dire because I didn’t take one. There was a particular woman who would go all Mrs Doyle and pressurise me.

They sound bloody tiresome, if you were going all puritan on them and forbidding them to drink fair enough but you all have the right as adults to your own choices.

It’s just not a good look, is it?

It really isn't. It makes me think of the girls who spend all day getting ready for a night out and then they're sitting in the gutter looking wasted afterwards. Not exactly the impression they wanted to give at the start of the night!

say you took some paracetamol half an hour ago, that should give you a good excuse for a few hours. As not safe to drink on paracetamol.

I see it all the time where I live - we have two universities, a racecourse, and attract a lot of stag and hen parties.

I tend to avoid going into town at the weekend.

Would rather have a day on my own in London then be with these women tbh

OP, I have a group of friends like this. I love them but I just can't drink like they do. It's easy in a bar now, I just order a mocktail and say it's whatever the cocktail equivalent is. Harder on a train though. Could you take a bottle, pour everyone a really generous glass and then pour yourself one but leave it in your hand? I have done this loads - they think I'm drinking with them but I'm not. If you order a tea you can sneakily transfer it to that cup at some point and chuck it away.

I know we shouldn't have to do this, but sometimes needs must.

We live in Chester. Races day is appalling

I'm a Londoner. It's genuinely pitiful when people roll off the train drunk by midday for their 'big day out'. Heavy drinking is seriously out of fashion anyway - you might as well scream 'I don't belong here, mug me for my handbag'.

I wouldn't message them beforehand. They're being weird - you don't need to make excuses or get them off your back beforehand.