Slightly anxious about a day out in London with friends next weekend, I hate being pressured to drink more than I'm comfortable with!

[Winterysun]

I'm going with 3 friends who I like very much, it's one of their birthdays. We're sight-seeing in the morning, followed by lunch and then a show. 🎶

All my favourite things, EXCEPT - they want to start drinking on the train at 9 am, bringing a bottle each. I just know I won't enjoy the day if I do that, I love a drink or 2 with lunch, then maybe in the theatre during interval, but alcohol hits me v quickly and the thought of constantly needing the loo, feeling headachey & sleepy is likely to ruin the day for me. I'd rather just have coffee on the early train, which I have before with them, but they (one in particular) got irritated because I wasn't drinking. I think she felt I was judging them, but I wasn't at all, I just can't drink what they can! Doesn't affect my enjoyment of going out though.

If I'm with them and skip a round (even if it's my turn and I buy them drinks and myself a soft drink), I always get a few comments, even though I say I'm enjoying the evening but don't want a stinking headache next day!

Any ideas how to deal with this?

I also live in London. Encountered a group of women clutching cans & plastic glasses on the tube at the weekend. They were oblivious to the looks on everyone else’s faces.

Also this behaviour is causing lots of problems in theatres atm.

I would do this. I love drinking, but never on a day out for the reasons given in the OP. I also have a dislike of drinking and rowdiness on public transport - it's horrible for everyone trapped in the carriage with the folk (of both sexes) who are knocking it back, screeching and swearing.

ViciousCurrentBun, I'm in a similar situation to you, although our interests are different! I'm in an Amateur Dramatics group, and it's a sociable group, like your hill walking one.

When we put on performances, the evening performing is a night out for me in itself, and we do sometimes meet for a few drinks beforehand.

After the show though, especially if my family have come to watch, I'm ready to go home with them once we've finished. I've had a great time, and get a buzz from performing anyway.

Some of our group want to then go out for drinks, until about 1 am! Maybe my 'social battery' drains quicker than theirs, but I've been a few times, enjoyed a catch-up and been ready to leave by 11. They consider that 'early'! 😮

And yes, I've seen a colleague of mine be very firm when someone was pushing her to have 'just one more drink' at our Xmas do. She's quiet by nature, but she just looked her in the eye and said 'I SAID NO!' and covered her glass. She surprised me actually, but that's how I need to be. They didn't try it again!

WTF, 9am?!

I mean, I like a few drinks when I'm out for an evening, but they're going to be in a horrendous state by 11am. Doesn't sound like my idea of fun at all. You'll get dumped with looking after them while they vomit in the streets.

You'll get dumped with looking after them while they vomit in the streets.

That's exactly what's going to happen, OP. Do you really want to do that?

No, I really don't want that at all!
Those of you who live in London, you must find it amusing seeing groups of women unpacking prosecco and plastic glasses on trains, which must sometimes be your normal commutes to work! 😀

Yes, I can get away with holding my glass and pretending to drink if I'm pouring, but not if someone else is. I need an empty coffee cup to discreetly pour some away in!

I don't find it amusing actually, I find it quite disturbing and unpleasant (and I'm not at all puritanical about drink). Sorry OP, I'm not at all criticising you, but I do wonder if your friends have quite significant alcohol problems.

I can't day drink either op and would just style it out and laugh at myself - yep l'm a lightweight and would hate to fall alseep on you all would be my answer to any pressure

Same, not amusing at all. Also think it’s very disrespectful to the cast and audience of whatever theatre your friends roll into after drinking all day.

For years I felt these feelings and feared being judged or seen as boring for not drinking / going out/ getting drunk etc.

I really had to work on this part of myself and now I can easily say no.

People will often make comments if they are :

• envious of your will power
• feel awkward / judged themselves
• disappointed because they haven't got their usual "drunk buddy"

All of which are THEIR issues.

What you body in your body is your business. No one else's. I wouldn't dream of drinking at 9am, I'd be on coffee and pret porridge at that time!

What you PUT in your body *

Surely they can understand all the reasons you've outlined above?

Two options.

1. Don’t drink alcohol at all. Enjoy your coffee in the train. Drink soft drinks that you buy yourself to avoid the buying a round of alcohol or them putting alcohol in your drink.
2. Don’t go out with them. It sounds a horrid time with a bunch of drunk people.

My strategy would be to send them a message on the group WhatsApp you probably have, and kind of say what you have said here basically. Say you are cutting down on alcohol as you are finding it doesn't agree that well with you in terms of headaches etc, and you don't want to ruin a day you are massively looking forward to with some of your favourite people. Say it's important to you to do this but you are nervous that they will make (jokey, well intentioned) comments which will make it harder for you.

If they are good mates they will respect this and support you. Mine do. My mates are mostly massive boozers and I am sober now and they all go out of their way to support me because I am open and honest about my reasons.

I would not be intimidated, they are supposedly friends. Just be assertive. Besides, they may need a level headed person with them should something unexpected were to happen.

Yes this.

I'm in my 50s and not much of a drinker, but nobody I know would start drinking at 9am. I would simply refuse to do it, they're the ones being weird, not you.

Just pull out a bottle of appletise, laugh and say you'll be a blubbering mess if you start at 9am and drink your soft drink.

I sympathise OP .. so tiresome. I had friends who were just the same. I like a drink but hate getting drunk or feeling dizzy and am phobic about throwing up.

So I would stop when I started to feel affected and one friend in particular would make fun of me and call me "Mrs Sensible" when I'd stop drinking at midnight and have a cup of tea instead. Whereas she would keep drinking until she had a dreadful hangover and would be throwing up the next day.

She's still my friend as she was lovely and good fun when not drinking. And she's changed with age and drinks a lot less now. When I think back, I should have challenged her comments more at the time. I certainly would have the confidence to do so now.

You’re just going to have to stand your ground.

They sound like total idiots OP. Really pathetic - like teenagers trying to show off via alcohol.

Not amusing no. It's grim and crass. Your friends have issues with alcohol.

I'm in a fb theatre group.....they won't be appreciated at the show if they have been drinking since 9am!

Anyone who pressures others to drink has a drinking problem.

You keep glossing over how badly they're behaving towards you. They don't sound like good company at all.

Anyway, just say no and if they pressure you don't accept it.

I hope they're not embarrassing in the theatre.

They are going to be a nightmare in the theatre, and you are going to be looking after everyone.
I would be reconsidering going to be honest!

It’s illegal to drink alcohol on London transport btw.
Its horrible and cringy seeing groups of middle aged women with their cans of booze.
I’d just take my coffee and croissant and enjoy them on the train and say no to the alcohol- “ sorry,I know I’m a lightweight, but I can’t drink this early”, is all you need to say. Certainly don’t take a bottle.