What is a respectable amount of money to give as a wedding gift?

[YesIJudge]

All day guests, in a lovely country hotel. I haven't been to a wedding for over 5 years so I have no idea how much to gift.

Another who usually gives £100 for an all-day invite and £50 for an evening do.

However, we recently attended a cousin’s wedding and gave £500 between three adults.

I find it weird that there appears to be a trend to cover your costs. You're a guest. Weddings are meant to be cost neutral/money making enterprises. I'd rather not be invited than expected to cover my costs.

@Wonderfulstuff the 'covering cost' stuff is alien to me too. Most weddings I've been to come with really awful 'give us money for our honeymoon' poems so it's clear what the money is for there!

Well presumably the £20 isn't the only present they will receive, so it just gets added to the cumulative token...it's not as though you can only spend each guest's contribution individually. e.g. lots of people spend the money on honeymoon, so £20 could be two cocktails they otherwise wouldn't have had.

I know lots of people feel annoyed at the total cost going to a wedding adds up to (transport/hotel and outfit and present, drinks when there, often hen/stag etc.) but tbh I know lots of people who feel they HAVE to buy a new dress and get their hair/make up done professionally, so if you've got the money to do that it's reasonable to give those getting married a decent present. If you begrudge the cost of the wedding surely most couples would prefer you politely decline rather than sitting there annoyed at how much you've spent.

It is a gift not to cover the cost of the day otherwise what is the point?

When we got married I said I wasn't expecting gifts and meant it. I think the average gift per person I did get was around the £20-£30 mark (back in 2012) and some people bought actual gifts too, I was incredibly touched by everything I received including just well wishes. Some people didn't give gifts just cards and that was lovely too. People spent so much money on hotel stays, travel etc to attend that I didn't want to put anymore financial pressure on, they were my guests.

The next friend's wedding we will probably give £100 but doubt they are expecting it and it will probably be at the higher end of friend gifts, but we can afford it.

I am appalled at the PP, who said the B&G cut them out for a £20 gift. Some people are bloody awful. Obviously, people should only gift what they can afford, it shouldn't be bloody pay per view. £20 is alot for someone who is into their overdraft every month so you shouldn't make people feel like shit, you never know someones circumstances. Christ even if I thought someone was flush I wouldn't turn my nose up at an inexpensive gift.

TLDR. OP any amount is absolutley fine, any friend that would judge you over a wedding gift isn't worth keeping so give what you feel is an amount you can afford. :) Have a lovely time. X

When invited to a wedding you are not expected to cover the cost of your meal etc.

how ridiculous.

forma full wedding day I’d give

Family £100
friends £50

It's quite a lot if a lot of people all give £20!

I hate all this wedding present nonsense. People shouldn't expect anything.

Personally I'd rather give a gift - money seems such a socially awkward gift to me.
With a gift you can pick or even make/have made something personal they will hopefully love.

How much money you give should be dictated by how much you have. If you are well off, it sounds like £100 is a standard amount. If you are less well off please don't feel pressured to give more than you can afford.

I think giving as much as your household would usually spend on a takeaway or meal out is a possible rule of thumb. Might range from £20 to £100 or even more if you are really rolling in it!

If I was getting married I'd rather have £20 than a poxy photo frame.

I gave £100 twice this year. (Single person).
Niece got something from wedding list that was £225.

That's a random equivalency! How much you'd spend on a take out meal?! How odd.

I like the sound of your wedding, @PrinnyPree .

Covering your costs as a guest is something I've only ever heard on MN. I think it might be the done thing in the US possibly, but definitely not the UK. I got married in 2010, we gad a total of about £650 and we were really chuffed with that. I recently gave a sibling £100 and that was a lot for me.

Yes, I've never heard of it other than MN, @Velvian . Is it a US thing?

My DD is getting married next year and dh & I are paying for the wedding.

I know DD will not be expecting large sums of money or expensive gifts, she just wants to share her special day with the people ( and dogs! ) she cares about.

A card with a lovely message would mean a lot, the B&G won't be hoping to spend their honeymoon counting their gift money like a couple of Scrooge Mcducks.

Much easier to just go back to having a wedding list with a variety of things people can choose from .

I know. A lot less stressful.

A$300. About 150 pounds.

I used to give £50 but have upped it to £75 these days (single person). Maybe a bit less if I wasn't really close to them.

£100 if me and DH
£150 if DC invited
More for family,we gave my niece 1k

This.

Yes I think there's somewhat of a cultural divide - Irish and Americans generally have the attitude that you need to cover the cost of the meal ("the plate" in the US.) Definitely not the norm in the UK (except perhaps NI) where it is seen as the couple paying for a celebration, and what guests bring is a gift.

Not the question but there are no hard or fixed rules for weddings. When I got married some of my friends gave nothing, fine, I didn't mind at all, didn't expect anything because I knew they were skint, I was just very glad they came. We had a wedding list for those who asked if we had one and we had quite a few gifts on it for £2 put there for the skint. I have to admit, if a rich close relative had given a £2 gift (or nothing) i would have raised an eyebrow.
One of the best weddings i went to was a skint B&G with no family in the UK. They asked us to - please no presents, but can you pay for your own dinner because we can't afford to. It was at a pub were you order from a menu and a party afterwards at their flat. Much more fun than the fancy country house and helicopter arrival.
I think 'cover you plate' is a good modern guide. Weddings cost a lot and this will ease that for the B&G.

If you're covering your plate, do you wait till after the wedding to give your gift so you can judge what they spent? If you give before but the food is worth a lot less than you gifted (eg a buffet that had been demolished by the time you got to the front of the queue), do you feel short changed? Wouldn't be easier for the B&G to sell tickets? Then they'd get the guests prepared to cough up the desired money rather than risk getting guests who can't/won't give more than X or who go off piste with a boxed gift.