What can I do to make Christmas day more easier ?

[mytoiletbrush]

We host Christmas day. Its me, DH, x3DC, my parents & inlaws.

We have dinner then sit around chatting all eve with drinks. By the time its the evening I sit looking at the mess of the house and thinking how much work it will be to tidy up, having already loaded/unloaded the dishwasher several times during the day and laid/cleared the table, kept drinks topped up, snacks replenished, manually washed up as we have ran out of glasses & plates & cutlery etc between courses and throughout the day. Dh cooks the whole meal (his choice and contribution) but he makes so much mess. Boxing day morning I then spend clearing up the second half of Christmas day which includes a full floor wash, more loading/unloading the dishwasher, full tidy up, trying to fit the food leftovers into the fridge, kitchen wipe down and clean. Its exhausting.

I wouldn't ask the parents to help, they have spent their life catering for us/doing Christmas over the years Its their time to relax.

Going out for dinner is not an option.

Chicken Pot Noodles for everyone. 🐓
(They don't do a turkey flavour - yet...)

Me and husband only.
Always.
Reasons why you put yourself out like this, OP?

I’d invest in a large freezer with drawers if you don’t have one already and get dh to make the following in advance:

• any starter (but honestly I would ditch it, it’s not necessary on Christmas Day if you have nibbles)
• gravy or at least home made stock
• bread sauce
• stuffing x 2
• cranberry sauce
• any accompaniment to Christmas pudding

And nearer the time, prep some veg in advance. I am sure I saw Nancy Birtwhistle on Instagram part-prepare roast spuds and freeze.

Encourage your dh to prepare all of these during the six weekends in advance of Christmas and freeze. (And make sure you have a back up generator for freezer in case of any power cuts.)

Then basically all your dh has to do on Christmas Day is the turkey (and you can line the pan with foil if you don’t need to make gravy at the time and just pour away the juices to freeze and use later) and steam the pudding. You can also steam veg! Or go all Nigella and use foil trays for reheating the veg and stuffing.

Would your parents and in laws object to paper plates, cups and cutlery?

If they do, there are certain event firms where you can hire all plates, glasses, cutlery and serving dishes and return them unwashed in crates (I think they spray them down before putting through massive dishwashers) but hire well in advance for Christmas period.

An alternative is to ask your guests to contribute some element of the dinner but personally I find that more hassle as they often want to “finish it off” in your kitchen!

Put one person in charge of drinks and ask everyone to hold on to two glasses; one for water and one for wine.

Your children (if old enough) should be well drilled in table setting and table clearing.

You can prep the Christmas table the night before and cover it in clean sheets if that makes it easier.

Oldest child in charge of post-dinner floor mopping (if you really can’t leave it until the next day) but honestly I have had as many as twelve to sixteen people in my home at Christmas and have never mopped on Christmas Day, not once in twenty years but maybe I’m a slacker? We have dogs too!

And try and eat main Christmas lunch a bit earlier? We wash and clear up as much as possible straight afterwards while guests relax and then all watch the King and then after that, the cake and turkey sandwiches get made (for the teens usually as everyone else is too stuffed).

Have a break on Boxing Day with cold ham, cold turkey, cold chipolatas, a huge fresh green salad, another salad, extra stuffing (prepped earlier), cranberry sauce ditto, Pork pie, a truckle of cheese and crackers, chutneys. … trifle… Christmas cake … pre-prepare a buffet style lovely table setting … teens can sort this from about aged thirteen onwards..

Then before Christmas itself you prep and freeze a couple of popular dishes like a beef stew, a chilli, a fish pie and minestrone soup to feed the five thousand and voila you have your Christmas Eve and a post-Boxing day meal or two taken care of!

You are right though op, it’s the hassle of putting up the table extension, gathering extra chairs, finding extra glasses and cutlery, laundering the right size tablecloth, bringing down old Aunt John’s cabbage wear plate from the attic, and all the juggling of fridge space that is more hassle than the actual cooking imho! So your dh has it relatively easy!

Imho, if you have the space, an extra fridge bought from a factory sale and run in the garden shed or utility room is a real bonus on these occasions.

Good luck!

Talk to your DH about the mess issue and get him to a) tone the cooking down and keep it simpler) b) clear up somewhat as he goes along.

Institute a no-shoes rule and invent some reason why the dogs can’t come. You will have to be really firm with ppl

Have a drinks corner. Ppl can sort out their own bloody drinks.

Assign ppl tasks in a matter of fact way. “Right, I am about to do some dishwasher stacking. I wonder if you could wipe the table down?”

The foil roasting trays that you can bin after.

I par boil and cool my spuds Xmas eve and cover in goosefat after cooled and fluffed. Cover and put in fridge they're fine .
Cook meat Xmas eve.
Prep veg Xmas eve. Last Yr I blanched the sprouts and froze to save time too
Pre make stuffing balls freeze week before or something
Maybe even buy pre cut veggies

Plastic cups if need be to save washing up

I totally agree. Someone who makes such a mess on Christmas day is bonkers and unhelpful. If the roles were reversed, you'd clean as you go, wouldn't you? Or reuse pans etc to minimise washing up.
Does he do the TV chef thing where he measures everything out painstakingly slowly into small dishes...THEN puts into the pan, rather than directly into the pan?

Accept the fact that husband isn't going to change his performative cheffing. It sounds like a great spread although that's a lot of food to store and serve.

You are generous in hosting but in my experience dads and father in laws like to have some tasks. Set them up as the bar men and drink replenishes. Don't worry about serving nibbles etc. a big box of quality street and some bowls of shelled nuts is perfect. Be quite ruthless with clearing the table. Obvs keep the leftovers you want to reuse. But bin anything that's just gonna hang around the fridge. People rarely want to see red cabbage a second time.

And get the kids to at least unload the dishwasher etc.

Performative cheffing 😆 yes! That's exactly it!

There's one person making your Christmas Day difficult and it's DH with his showy off cooking that everyone presumably has to fawn over him for while cinders scrubs the floors?

Tell him to get his shit together this year and prepare ahead like everyone else manages to do.

Use disposable plates and cutlery you can get eg bamboo which are higher quality than paper

The pp’s comment about your dh having to think and prepare in advance like a restaurant chef is spot on. Tell him (in a kind, diplomatic way) that he is creating a lot of unnecessary work otherwise. If he was responsible for clearing it all up, maybe he would be more aware of tidying as he goes along?

I get it though op, your dh sounds like a terrific cook, but he does the star turn and you end up with all the drudge work!

You need to feedback to your DH that you love his food but Christmas is not enjoyable for you.

I am your DH in my relationship. A few years ago my DH told me that the dinner was great, the day was not.

From his perspective I spent all morning in the kitchen cooking and then he spent all afternoon washing up. He wanted to spend it with me and was happy to sacrifice some of my home cooked dinner to achieve it.

Next year I bought the whole thing in and was forced to admit we enjoyed it better.

We've now settled on a compromise arrangement.

Defo prep as much as possible the night before and hand wash as you go!

Christmas is hard work, there needs to be some acceptance of this.
Everyone should help evenly with this hard work.
Your DH needs to help clean and unless the other adults are very infirm I would give them smaller tasks, maybe tidying round the living room.
Your dc unless tiny should also be helping.

Particularly your DH can't just be glory cooking and leaving you an absolute state to clean and sort. You aren't just doing bits of Christmas you enjoy and neither can he.

For the first time ever (dc are 16) we are going away for Christmas and I can't wait!

Why isn’t it helping to cook the entire Xmas lunch?

@AnnaMagnani “From his perspective I spent all morning in the kitchen cooking and then he spent all afternoon washing up. He wanted to spend it with me and was happy to sacrifice some of my home cooked dinner to achieve it.”

I have fallen into this trap. There’s a Scripture verse that references this exactly: “Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.”‭‭(Proverbs‬ ‭17‬:‭1‬)

Simpler meal, happier home, stronger family.

Lower your standards
And everyone pitches in. It’s your Christmas Day too. Why shouldn’t other adults and children help too? I couldn’t imagine sitting around watching a relative do everything.
Boxing day morning we all do a quick tidy and I Hoover around while dh tends to get rid of boxes.

I think you need to have a clear rota for every person so they all have assigned tasks . One person lays the table, another does the drinks. Someone helps prep veg, someone washes up (two people preferably, one drying). Last year I had two people doing the veg, someone else doing the turkey, someone washing up, etc. If you try to do it all you’ll have an absolutely miserable day. I speak from bitter experience.

DH needs to do more and children need to pitch in, to whatever level is age-appropriate for them.
Everyone can get their own drinks and snacks; they're family, not guests at the ambassadorial residence.
And bollocks to 'He is unable to cope with more than 1 thing at once.' He just doesn't want to clear up, and you are enabling him not to. He needs to tidy up after himself. If it means making less elaborate things/less food, so be it.

Because he's making so much mess. Absolutely everything from scratch on the day is just a vanity project to make him look impressive. If he really wanted to help, he'd do what I do when I make Christmas lunch. I prep stuff in advance, take shortcuts to save on time and mess and I clear up as I go along.

Perhaps he’s just messy when cooking? Many people are. The answer is for him to clean up after he’s cooked.

"Use disposable plates and cutlery you can get eg bamboo which are higher quality than paper"

On Christmas Day?! I'd hate this. No point having ridiculously fancy food and then slapping it all on a paper plate

I prep and cook Christmas dinner every year and I keep a sink full of very hot water and washing up liquid. As soon as something is finished with, it goes into the sink (I don't have a dishwasher) and gets washed and rinsed then stacked on the drainer. This way everything is washed up immediately, and even if it's not washed it's only a matter of a quick rub and it's done, nothing is drying on and plates and pans aren't sitting around on surfaces.

I pre prep everything the day before - all veg, puddings etc, so it's only the meat and potatoes to cook from scratch but the potatoes are peeled and par boiled and left in a pan, meat is in the slow cooker. That means everything is just ready to go in the oven and all the prep materials are washed and put away.

My house is tiny and there just isn't room to leave stuff around waiting to be cleaned. So I do it as I go, and it's fine.

If DH is making everything from scratch on Christmas Day itself then not only is it no wonder that you can't keep up with the mess, he's spending way more time in the kitchen than he needs to and missing out in the fun of the day.

We've had 6-8 people for Christmas lunch for the last few decades, the full works all cooked from scratch and I've never had the problems you describe. Primarily because I make and freeze as much ahead as possible, significantly reducing the work and clearing up on the day.