What can I do to make Christmas day more easier ?

[mytoiletbrush]

We host Christmas day. Its me, DH, x3DC, my parents & inlaws.

We have dinner then sit around chatting all eve with drinks. By the time its the evening I sit looking at the mess of the house and thinking how much work it will be to tidy up, having already loaded/unloaded the dishwasher several times during the day and laid/cleared the table, kept drinks topped up, snacks replenished, manually washed up as we have ran out of glasses & plates & cutlery etc between courses and throughout the day. Dh cooks the whole meal (his choice and contribution) but he makes so much mess. Boxing day morning I then spend clearing up the second half of Christmas day which includes a full floor wash, more loading/unloading the dishwasher, full tidy up, trying to fit the food leftovers into the fridge, kitchen wipe down and clean. Its exhausting.

I wouldn't ask the parents to help, they have spent their life catering for us/doing Christmas over the years Its their time to relax.

Going out for dinner is not an option.

Your dh cooking sounds more like a hindrance than a help. Men so often love doing big meals like this and lapping up the glory and appreciation while the wife scurries round clearing up the destruction without thanks.

Go European. Main meal is Christmas Eve with your immediate family.
Christmas Day is a buffet. Not great for the planet but use as much disposable as possible. Order buffet food to be delivered Christmas Eve or 23rd.

We do:

Food prep on Christmas Eve (veg peeled and stored in water in the fridge, gravy made, potatoes par boiled, canapés/trimmings made and stored on foil trays ready to go straight in the oven). You can lay and decorate the dining table for lunch if you don’t need it for breakfast.

Have a plan for timings and what you need eg serving dishes, Tupperware for leftovers and where they will fit in the fridge!

Somewhere to put presents temporarily when they have been opened eg back under the tree, a table, bags for guests, space in the DC’s bedroom. DC take what they want to play with, put it back when they want to play with something else.

Everything goes straight in the dishwasher once it is used during cooking. While one person is filling serving dishes, another fills the dishwasher so the first load goes on while you eat.

Side table with snacks and drinks so people can help themselves.

Why don't you clean up as he's cooking? Also a ton of prep can be done the day before?

I totally get what you’re saying. I’m in the U.S. and this often describes what Thanksgiving can turn into, so I was NOT interested in having Christmas become another day spent with big dishes in the sink.

For us, that’s meant an absolutely lovely “sharing” feast that is prepared in the days prior to Christmas. I usually put the finishing touches on late Christmas Eve. We do a big platter and a bunch of smaller dishes… everything from Swedish meatballs or small chicken bites (all ready to just slide into the oven and heat through when we’re done opening presents or feel hungry) but mostly focused on fresh fruit, veggies and dip, various favorite snacks/crispy items, a few sweets like fudge or cheesecake pieces, several cheese types, and some snack type proteins like cured salami. I know it sounds like a hodgepodge but everyone LOVES it because in November I get requests - “do you think we could have _ at Christmas” etc - and I can make nearly all of the Christmas Feast mess long before the day of. We set out the food when we get hungry, it’ll stay fresh for hours for the most part, the children grab refills at will, and cleanup is literally a matter of popping everything in small plastic bags or jars and popping it into the fridge.

If that’s not your style, would a Christmas Eve main dinner be a good event for you? Also, we work together on the wrapping paper/a quick vacuuming after presents are done and while our feast gets itself warm… is that something that you/older parents could oversee with the children while your husband attends to his kitchen work? Perhaps Grandparents stack bows and gift bags, children sort gifts into piles, you run a vacuum, etc?

I also try to think ahead as to what is coming into the house (in particular any presents we got for the children) and rummage out space in a storage area/pick up a storage container for each thing… for our children many craft items or kits with small pieces tend to enter around Christmas and discovering places for gifts is tricky, so having a plan (even if it’s “here is a box where everyone’s gifts will go for now”) helps!

I hope you can find a way to make your holiday meaningful and peaceful.

Surely families mean everyone pitches in? If I've not done it by the time they arrive, I've got someone peeling, someone slicing, someone drying up etc. In my experience, adults want to help other adults they love. Children need to be told! I also have DH who can't bear mess, so he's good at clearing up after us all (he sorts all the wrapping paper after we've opened gifts for example - in fact he won't sit down with us all until he's armed with bin bags lol).

This happens in our house.
DH does "visible" jobs that usually get praise from visitors
Cooking - oh thanks this a delicious meal
DIY - you've done a good job with the kitchen etc
Gardening - doesn't the garden look lovely

I do "invisible" stuff like shopping, cleaning, laundry, clearing up, washing up that literally no one ever says anything about! We do have a dishwasher but lots of roasting trays etc don't fit in it.

And DH manages to use virtually every pot, pan and utensil whether making a salad or a 3 course meal - and doesn't do any clearing up as he goes along or afterwards

This is great advice

Disposable roasting tins. Prep all the veg the day before

Simplify where you can, lower your cleaning standards and just leave stuff out. If it bothers ppl they can blooming well tidy up.
Or swap with your husband as above
Have a bin bag to hand as presents get opened and put paper straight in bin.
Move drinks into living room and make it clear ppl r to help themselves, grandparents should be on drinks duties surely?
Don't clean the floor or buy a hoover robot

If your husband won't swap write lists of all the jobs you both do for the big days and split accordingly. He is not pulling his weight., think of the example this is setting for your children.

Buy buckets from b and q for 50p and put washing up in them, do at later date, and use plastic or paper plates

Why do you need to wash the floor on Boxing Day?

Start the day with an empty dishwasher. Fill it and run it after every meal, even if it isn’t completely full. Any child over 3 or 4 should be able to help an adult empty it without too much risk of breakages.

As DH finishes with a pan/utensil, it goes into the dishwasher. Set it off on a pot wash before starting to eat. Empty and reload with plates etc and run again.

All wrapping paper goes into recycling box/bin bag as you go. Take photos of unwrapped present+tag so you know who needs a thank you message after.

All new toys etc have to be put into the relevant place (living room/playroom/bedrooms) on Christmas Day. Not necessarily away in cupboards, but in the right physical space.

Could parents/in laws take the children for a long splashy bath whilst you and DH do a final clear up, play fridge Tetris (and vacuum/floor mop if you really must), then adults crash out and enjoy the evening. Any leftover that won’t be eaten in the next 24 hours go straight into the freezer until fridge space is at less of a premium.

Sounds great to me, in fact I might start doing it myself. Christmas Day is hard enough work as it is.

You get parents and in law to bring a course each so Simone bring starters and someone else bring dessert and you do mains. Or get Simone to cook and bring the turkey that's what a lot of family's do otherwise you will never enjoy it

I'm surprised by all the suggestion for disposable trays and plates. Christmas is when we pull out the best China, I hate paper plates and I've yet to find plastic or wooden cutlery that doesn't break or isn't useless for cutting with and eating from. Foil roasting trays don't retain the heat as well as metal ones so you'll never get really crispy roasties. Yes disposables cut down on washing up but they also lack the fineness that I want at Christmas.
My advice would be prep in advance, serve bite size canapés, nuts, olives etc that don't need plates and cutlery.
Set up a drinks station so people can refill their own glass. If anyone offers help then take it.

For the cooking
Do all the chopping and dry good measuring in advance. this speeds things up so much and massively cuts down on the mess.

many dishes can be prepped the day before

for the day
set up a drinks station so people can refill themselves.

either use charms/labels on reusable glasses to encourage reuse or get disposables

As well as pre prepping food and disposable stuff, can you set up a 'bar' area on a side table in the living area where people can sort their own drinks out without having to go into the kitchen and potentially being in the way when DH is cooking?

We cook some of the food the day before so we just have to heat it up and that means some of the washing up is done the day before.
After Christmas lunch we leave children to play a game with grandparents whilst we put first load on, empty any recycling into outdoor bin, quick sweep.
As they’re playing with toys I tidy a few things up.
We make sure we relax as well.

Have a drinks station, preferably in the same room as whoever you're serving so they can help themselves, and you might only need to top up ice occasionally. Do the same in the kitchen with tea coffee things - put them on a tray next to the kettle so people can get their own. You can offer to do rounds periodically, but beyond that people can help themselves. Get small single size servings of kids drinks so they can also help themselves.

Also put snack refills in the same room - if you're doing the old-fashioned hostess thing of taking an empty snack dish back to the kitchen to refill from the packet that's there, all the tooing and froing will be what's making you feel like a servant. Ditch the routine by keeping crisps and nuts in the room they are being eaten in and top up from the packets in full view of your guests, so at least you can continue to participate in conversation.

If your OH uses too many pans to cook hide the extra in advance. Clear up as you go and start the dishwasher on a quick cycle for lightly soiled stuff when you sit down to eat.

Lay the table the night before - don't make it overly fancy (eg do away with red white and water glasses, charger plates and side plates). Also do this with boxing day breakfast stuff - let people help themselves.

Rather than putting food in serving dishes, get people to come into the kitchen when the food is ready and plate it up themselves like a canteen, so they take their full plate back to the table. It's faster as well, so the food is hotter. Condiments and sauces can be put on the table and passed around. It's usually big serving dishes that require handwashing, so this cuts a lot of time if they aren't used.

Only use glasses, cutlery plates etc that are dishwasher safe. Cut out all handwashing!

Make the christmas tea very simple with minimal clearing up.

Accept all offers of help - everyone likes to feel useful, and it can make it awkward being a guest where you're not able to lift a finger.

Foil trays are great as once the meal is over you can cover with cling and put in the fridge - no washing up and no need for tupperware. Sorting out the leftovers and catering with them over the net day or two ought to be the cooks ob anyway as should snacks etc on Christmas afternoon. TBH we don't eat until after the Kings Speech which means no one needs to eat in the evening.

If a lot of the mess is DC having too many presents then ration to only opening presents from people who are there on Christmas Day. Rest of them on Boxing Day once everything has been cleared away - largely by them.

@Speedweed If your OH uses too many pans to cook hide the extra in advance.

That is genius

Can he not do much of it in the days before? I do all the cooking but in advance I make the gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, bread sauce and red cabbage. Peel the potatoes the night before and part boil then so that there's minimal mess on the day (also clear as I go). Also I make and freeze a couple of dishes eg bouef bourgignon or slow cooked lamb curry in two dishes of 6 (so I could pull out a meal for 12 if necessary). More work in advance but much less stressful and messy on the day.

NB our guests have always helped clear up too! We had 12 last year and it was done in no time!

I like the idea of the drinks station! We have a drinks cabinet in the dining room but people always come into the kitchen for ice and to cut up lemons and limes. Think I'll prepare those in advance away from the kitchen!

Sorry but you have a DH problem. Why isn't he clearing up as he goes? I cook Xmas dinner and the kitchen is spotless until just before we serve when obv there will pots and pans etc. Cleaning up after dinner is then still a big job. And way harder than cooking as you are tired.

Also, does he just sit and chill while you are then slogging cleaning when everyone leaves. That is being a shit partner and really lazy.