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Original poster

Can being 'gifted' be confused for autism?

129 replies

SpinningTops · 07/09/2024 19:17

My son is 5 and on the waiting list for an autism assessment based on a previous need to routine and big meltdowns!
He seems to have mellowed a lot over the last few months though, he still has his odd ways and speaks a bit like he's a 70 year old man but I wouldn't have pushed for an assessment based on his current behaviour.

I'm wondering if he's just really clever but I realise there might be an overlap. He's definitely got a maths / engineering type of mind.

The thing that's chilled him out is him really getting into chess. He's great at it, beats us all, solves puzzles and anticipates moves. He loves it but not in an obsessive way. It's almost like we've found something to occupy his brain.

I realise chess might go hand in hand with autism but I'm wondering whether I've misjudged things and he's actually just a bit peculiar because he's so bright. He seems to have outgrown the autism traits and now is just a slightly quirky bright boy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and it so, how did it pan out?

OP posts:
Morph22010 · 09/09/2024 08:12

user1471548941 · 08/09/2024 16:33

You need to be a bit careful deciding not to persue assessment or deciding he's not autistic enough at this young age.

I wasn't diagnosed until 24 and missed out on a lot of support.

Essentially my childhood went in waves of a few years of struggling and feeling behind my peers, particularly socially and then a very quick surge to make me feel ahead again, only for me to feel behind again a year later. It was a constant cycle and I always felt ahead or behind and what I was actually doing was using my intelligence to copy peers and behave in the same way.... only for them to mature, behaviour to change and me to have to learn a whole new set of more mature behaviours. I don't think this cycle stopped until my early 20s and I got tired of copying others.

Also us autistics often use a passion or special interest to mute some of the autism. i find engaging in a special interest to be brilliant at recharging my brain when it was burnt out from social or sensory pressures and use this to my advantage. Sounds like your son may have unlocked this from the chess so brilliant to see you have encouraged this.

Ultimately the assessment is exactly that- an assessment- it can go either way and I was AMAZED at the depth and detail it went in to. It was absolutely designed to get behind any kind of masking behaviours and diagnose based on exactly how my brain is wired. I wouldn't be so quick to assume you know better than the assessment- I told my assessor things my parents would never have imagined go on in my brain. Equally they won't diagnose him if he doesn't meet enough of the traits, but yes, they will test this in SO many ways.

Even if you are nervous of the diagnosis, you can then do what you want with it. It's a tool, not a label and you and your son have control of how it's used. You can chose to only tell people you think need to know, not tell anyone, but if you hit a time in life where support is needed, you have it ready. You wouldn't want to be in a situation where you needed a diagnosis to access support because you desperately need it and land at the bottom of a 2 year waiting list for assessment. I told no one for a good few months, but it made a huge huge impact on my own self esteem to know I was different, I was born different, I couldn't force myself to be another way and just to quietly research and understand my own brain better.

Best of luck, your son sounds fab!

In all honesty I don’t think you missed on in any/ much support. Autism is basically diagnose and discharge, parents get a few leaflets which doesn’t tell you anymore than you already know.

hiredandsqueak · 09/09/2024 09:00

mids2019 · 09/09/2024 07:12

I think one of the problems of gifted and potentially autistic children in a school setting is the bullying. There is a cohort of children and parents who are academically poor that in my opinion have a combination of ignorance and jealousy about the gifted. If there is an autistic trait that leaves them a target then that is definite bullying target.

There seems to be a bit of an attitude of 'well they are going to have exams and get good jobs so let's give them sh&t because we can'. It's a horrible attitude but I persisits. I wonder how many kids in an average comp make their gifts or academic abaility?

Son not autistic but gifted avoided any grief at school by using his abilities to cause mayhem. He'd won the whole school maths competition just weeks after starting year 7 and earned himself the nickname Dexter boy genius (a cartoon at the time) He was very socially adept and still is, people are drawn to him. He'd spot faults in the school systems and exploit them, it made him hugely popular with his peers far less so with the staff though.

JustMarriedBecca · 16/02/2025 22:18

User645262 · 07/09/2024 20:30

There's a theory that giftedness, or very high IQ, is a form of neurodivergence in itself. In order for the brain to function on that level, it inevitably becomes neurologically different compared to someone of low or average intelligence. A lot of the features of high IQ (making unusual connections, hyperfocus, hyperlexia, excellent memory) also overlap with ASD or ADHD. The dopamine pathways when engaging in a special interest means that ND kids can obsessively repeat one activity until they genuinely become exceptionally talented in that field (sports, music, art etc).

On a practical level, it's honestly meaningless. Some parents might be desperate to avoid labels and prefer telling people their child is gifted, not autistic. A huge proportion of gifted kids are actually ND but their higher IQs enable them to mask and cope better so they slip through life undiagnosed. The vast majority of these adults all wish they had been correctly diagnosed and treated. There is no consolation in growing up thinking you were gifted and meant for great things, only to discover much later that you are actually autistic or ADHD. Even those who manage to do both and do become very successful, all welcome the realisation that they were neurodivergent all along.

The only real differentiator might be how many social or MH issues the child experiences in adulthood. One could argue that a very gifted but neurotypical child will grow up with far less social or psychological issues and are generally happy & successful on all fronts. Gifted but neurodivergent children all struggle to some extent with issues like anxiety, executive function, masking in social situations etc. Some cope well and can have relationships, family and careers but they will struggle more with the toll of masking (unexplained aches & pains, autoimmune illness, fatigue etc).

Edited

Old thread but autoimmune diseases? Do you have any evidence of this?

I feel like a lightbulb has just gone off.

Interested in this thread?

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User645262 · 17/02/2025 09:39

JustMarriedBecca · 16/02/2025 22:18

Old thread but autoimmune diseases? Do you have any evidence of this?

I feel like a lightbulb has just gone off.

Show quote history

Afraid I don't have links to studies but this is well known and frequently discussed on Tiktok. ND people have a much stronger overlap with autoimmune illness, some believe up to 30% fit the diagnostic criteria. It makes sense since ND bodies also tend to be hypermobile which increases or already indicates autoimmune issues (ehler danlos, collagen defects etc). They also go through life under a huge amount of stress which is a proven trigger for autoimmune disease. Some believe it's linked to CPTSD which many individuals also have.

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