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Original poster

Can being 'gifted' be confused for autism?

129 replies

SpinningTops · 07/09/2024 19:17

My son is 5 and on the waiting list for an autism assessment based on a previous need to routine and big meltdowns!
He seems to have mellowed a lot over the last few months though, he still has his odd ways and speaks a bit like he's a 70 year old man but I wouldn't have pushed for an assessment based on his current behaviour.

I'm wondering if he's just really clever but I realise there might be an overlap. He's definitely got a maths / engineering type of mind.

The thing that's chilled him out is him really getting into chess. He's great at it, beats us all, solves puzzles and anticipates moves. He loves it but not in an obsessive way. It's almost like we've found something to occupy his brain.

I realise chess might go hand in hand with autism but I'm wondering whether I've misjudged things and he's actually just a bit peculiar because he's so bright. He seems to have outgrown the autism traits and now is just a slightly quirky bright boy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and it so, how did it pan out?

OP posts:
Original poster
SpinningTops · 07/09/2024 21:22

There's some really helpful replies here by people who seem to get what I'm saying.

To me it feels like there is some neurodiversity. I had assumed autism due to behaviours from ages 3-5 ish. He's on the NHS waiting list for an assessment which will be in about 18 months now (if we're lucky!)

But it is very interesting about being gifted as being another branch of neurodiversity. It's like his brain is working on a different level. He has started at a chess club which he likes and is winning games against much older children. The chess seems to stretch his mind enough to satisfy him.

We think he's fab whatever the outcome. I almost just don't think he ticks all ASD areas now but it might be masking and I'm sure an assessor will see through it.

There is a lot of autism in the family. Most of the boy cousins have been diagnosed so nothing new and different levels of need.

OP posts:
TheBossOfMe · 07/09/2024 21:26

@SpinningTops Where do you live? There are amazing county chess teams and training programmes - would be very happy to connect you in if you haven’t already found your local one.

Newsenmum · 07/09/2024 21:29

It might or might not be related. However if he is autistic, a result would still be great because there will be times in his life where things might get difficult again.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Families SEN
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/09/2024 21:35

My eldest daughter was called 'gifted' at primary school. She was hyperlexic, fluid speech at the age of two, reading at three and a half; she'd read everything in the school library by the age of eight.
Her autism didn't become noticeable until she went to Secondary school and was expected to fit in with other pupils, plus hormones.

She is still exceptional, very very clever and quick, high-functioning but obviously autistic.

PoshTosh · 07/09/2024 21:42

Autism can go hand in hand with lots of different things - SEN, comorbid with ADHD or PDA or ADD, special interests…. and so on. No two people are the same.

BarkLife · 08/09/2024 04:41

I've been a teacher for 20 years (and a parent for nearly 12) and I can honestly say I've never met a gifted child who isn't autistic/ADHD. There is no Venn diagram, it's a circle.

Hyperlexia, for example, is an autistic trait linked to gestalt language processing. Autistic children seem to be able to decode words very early and many read before formal education starts.

The reason your lovely DS speaks like a 70 year old professor is because he's a gestalt language processor; he learns sentences and turns of phrase rather than single words.

Someone I teach (Y11) had finished the Further Maths A-level course by the end of Year 9. But when I tried to have a chat with him yesterday, he looked out of the window and gave a one word answer, with no reciprocity or engagement - he just doesn't see the need!

Getting your DS assessed will help him navigate a very complex social world, and will explain to teachers why he finds certain things overwhelming, and how they can help him.

StopStartStop · 08/09/2024 04:48

OP, it is possible for your child to be really clever and really autistic. At the same time. If he is autistic, he has not and will never 'outgrow' it. He's just learning to mask.

LotsOfFinches · 08/09/2024 05:36

@User645262 @HeyPrestoAlakazam @BarkLife

This is really interesting. I was the "odd" geeky kid at school. I have a sky high iQ (joined mensa as a kid for a bit on the olden days) was rule abiding and did well at school... Oxbridge... but have really struggled with adult life. Unbelievably so.

I'm nearly 50 and just now looking at adhd and autism diagnosis and not sure how it will go as some people (my Dr) don't see it if you're bright.

I have often wondered if extremely bright does go hand in hand often with autism.

Happyinarcon · 08/09/2024 05:37

High IQ kids can often feel isolated from their peers and get lonely. They can’t quite manage to blend in with the herd because some of the unspoken group behaviors don’t make sense within their way of thinking. Even if your child isn’t autistic, he would probably benefit immensely from some extra support targeting social behavior.

LotsOfFinches · 08/09/2024 05:39

Happyinarcon · 08/09/2024 05:37

High IQ kids can often feel isolated from their peers and get lonely. They can’t quite manage to blend in with the herd because some of the unspoken group behaviors don’t make sense within their way of thinking. Even if your child isn’t autistic, he would probably benefit immensely from some extra support targeting social behavior.

I always used to think that "oh next year I'll be with bigger kids/they might have grown up a bit". It was lonely. Noone thought like I did.

BarkLife · 08/09/2024 05:42

@LotsOfFinches

I've seen some of your posts on MN and some of your biographical details suggest neurodivergence!

I went to Oxford and I now realise that the vast majority of my contemporaries were autistic. There was a lot of burnout and poor mental health/anxiety, and, quite frankly, strange behaviour...

DS1 is AuDHD and has been medicated since Y3. He just got basically full marks in his SATs, having struggled to concentrate in school prior to this. I am constantly on the lookout for signs of burnout; he's an expert masker, but I think he manages the highs and lows of the day (and life) fairly well.

BarkLife · 08/09/2024 05:46

@LotsOfFinches

Also, neurodivergent girls are rule followers and people-pleasers, so they don't get picked up by teachers, who are just really pleased that they're so well behaved. We are experiencing an epidemic nationally of girls suddenly beginning to refuse school around Year 9, having previously been model students, and it's because their ND needs haven't been identified nor met.

LotsOfFinches · 08/09/2024 05:49

I've similarly wondered if maybe my contempories were or just privileged! It is something I have wondered about very bright and neurodiversity since pondering it myself.

It is so hard to go through school life being praised for being so clever and assured good grades mean good jobs etc and then to crash and burn at life!

However I do think it might be different for next generation. My daughters autistic but aware of that and I think it makes such a difference if you know.

I'm still worried that I've self diagnosed and when I get to assessment they might say I'm not. My Dr was very dismissive whilst also asking if we were at Oxford St the same time!

LotsOfFinches · 08/09/2024 05:50

Oh yes Bark my youngest I think is ND and a teachers mentioned it but school won't action it as they are very well behaved in class and achieve well. This weekend I've been googling private assessments but it's out of our price range.

Do you work in this area Bark or just have an interest? (or know me irl...)

LotsOfFinches · 08/09/2024 05:52

(And now I'm wondering which biographical details and how outing I am 😂. It's so strange the realisation you're different to the norm but not knowing in which ways until someone points it out to you or you become aware of it as you think your own reality is the norm....)

autienotnaughty · 08/09/2024 05:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Not to attack but just to clarify there's a lot of non verbal intelligent people.

But yes some people with asd can have other additional needs including developmental delays and learning difficulties

BarkLife · 08/09/2024 05:53

@LotsOfFinches

I'm a SENDCo and did my master's research on autistic girls. I have an eidetic memory so I recognise MN poster names and remember things they've mentioned Grin I've also got an ND child.

Fairly sure I have AuDHD although never diagnosed. I spent my entire childhood in a state of fight or flight, wondering why I couldn't chillax like everyone else.

LotsOfFinches · 08/09/2024 05:58

Oooh I'm now fascinated! I'm really interested in your masters. Resists urge to ask all the questions

I can relate to fight/flight but unfortunately don't have the eidetic memory at all! I'm faceblind and don't have a clue half the time.

BarkLife · 08/09/2024 05:59

@LotsOfFinches

Faceblindness (prosopagnosia) is an autistic trait Grin

BarkLife · 08/09/2024 06:00

@LotsOfFinches

Feel free to PM if you do have questions, although I can't claim to have all the answers.

LotsOfFinches · 08/09/2024 06:02

BarkLife · 08/09/2024 05:59

@LotsOfFinches

Faceblindness (prosopagnosia) is an autistic trait Grin

Yes was aware of that one! Ironically I took part in some research into faceblindness when studying and they screen for autism and I think in retrospect when younger I used to always score low. I have since realised I read the questions differently and perhaps had a different understanding of some of them!

Would you look for assessment yourself?

autienotnaughty · 08/09/2024 06:05

My son is autistic and can do complicated sums extremely quickly as well as knowing dates and there corresponding day.
He can not play successfully with children his own age unless they support him to do so,
He was non verbal and in nappies until he was 6.

Just to say the improvement of behaviour might be due to finding a special interest. Special interests can be calming for nd people and give them a focus which helps them feel less overwhelmed which can mean less meltdowns, and a great capacity to do things previously difficult.

I'd have the assessment , my sons was with two Ed psychs, 2 salt and two nursery nurses. They looked at social skills, emotional regulation, physical capability, awareness, ability to follow instructions, complete activities. And probably many more things.

Ds loved the setting the assessment took place in, we went twice and honestly he was so well behaved and amenable that I was sure they wouldn't see it. But they still did.

The older he gets the more obvious it is he's autistic I'm so glad he has his diagnosis and ehcp that allows him the support he needs to access his education

BarkLife · 08/09/2024 06:07

@LotsOfFinches

I'm not currently looking into a diagnosis for me because adult life has unravelled some of the issues I had as a child. I have definitely been able to 'fake it til I make it'. I often wonder if meds might help me with household tasks, though...

LotsOfFinches · 08/09/2024 06:13

Well done Bark! Yay for life working out. I've messaged you but please feel free to ignore..

My youngest is flying under the radar and it's so frustrating as I think "knowing" would help her to understand herself. We have discussed it. There must be so many that just dont know.

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