My dad is ill and I don’t know what to do

[SadGirlAutumn]

I live in Scotland for work and my parents live in Cornwall.

Two weeks ago my dad had a bit of an upset stomach. My mum brushed it off as nothing serious and bought him some Immodium. After 3 or 4 days, I called her to check how he was, he was still poorly so I asked if she'd rung the doctors. She said no.

About a week in, I said again, she should ring the doctors. Immodium was doing nothing. She said no, again, that it would work itself out.

After 10 days, she called the doctors who said he should have flat coke, some Immodium and it'll go away. He has done some tests at the doctors and they've basically shrugged, said it's not E-Coli. and to keep doing what he's doing. They said if it's anything, it's gastroenteritis but that makes 0 sense as my mum hasn't caught it.

It didn't so I came home last night to try and help out.

My dad hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. He's lost 40 pounds. Water makes him sick. He is going to the toilet at least 10 times an hour. The doctors don't want anything to do with him. He's being sick, nothing is coming up anymore because his system is totally empty. He can barely keep his eyes open. 111 has sent a doctor but it's "low priority" and they don't know what time they'll be here. He won't get in the car to go to hospital and between me and my mum we can't get him down, 111 said not to call 999 as he's already in the system.

I'm only 25. I'm so scared. I don’t know what I can do. He can't keep anything down and nobody wants to help us.

Thinking of you all in this stressful situation. I'm glad he's been admitted and is feeling a lot better.

But it would only take you 30 seconds to report your own thread and ask MN to change the 'dying' to 'ill'.

Posters can't 'hide the thread' until after they have read it and found the title to be inappropriate.

If you really don't want to upset anyone maybe reconsider the wording?

i will do that, i didn't know how to do that before now.

but the snippy comments accusing me of saying things to accuse me of saying things to deliberately upset people are just nasty - i was scared and upset.

Agreed. I can't believe people are attacking her. I'd be worried and scared, too.

That sounds like a good idea.

I think posters should cut you some slack as you're only 25, but you can change the title now as it's still trending.

The OP regrets the title, please do not harass her any further. I do understand how scared she was when she first posted. Fortunately it seems her dad is on the mend.

Leave the thread if it bothers you that much.
Be sensitive to other peoples feelings. y
You're asking someone to change how they titled something because its causing you offence, you are not there you can't see or even imagine the state her Dad was/is in when she wrote that and was looking for advice.
People are so bloody entitled these days if you don't like it you don't have to give it any attention.

i've reported it, i was just terrified, we've got a lot lot closer than we were recently (not to say we weren't close, but we became even closer) and i was so emotional and scared

It's completely understandable, OP. Glad for you that he's doing better.

How dare you bully the op into changing the title when she's going through this with her Dad, shame on you bullies who have no idea what she was going through, and just joined the thread to pick on the title how ridiculous.

It’s not you OP, I do understand your scenario and just hope your dad gets better.
It’s the ppl you could just mute the thread if it’s triggering them.

My dad died a few weeks ago from an aggressive cancer, we are still waiting for post mortem results but most likely peritoneal (rare in men). It was in his peritoneum, stomach, pancreas and bowel.

He died 8 weeks after diagnosis but he was ill since Jan/Feb this year. We had such a dreadful time on the NHS and your post rings so many bells.

He wasn’t eating or pooing properly for weeks before he told us about it. And he minimised it a bit with the doctors until my sisters and I got involved.

But for months we were fobbed off by consultants; told he had diverticulitis and would get better on his own, told he just had to try to eat something. He had a very specific rare symptom that we flagged very early on (it is very outing as so rare so I won’t say) but we were literally laughed at and told to stop googling. We were right all along.

it was only after we sought a private consultation, that doctor got him admitted for bowel surgery and then they found the cancer. He died in hospice 8 weeks later.

We have lost all faith in the NHS. If we hadn’t been advocating for him he would have wasted away and died at home with no painkillers or help. No one in the NHS would listen to us. Apart from his lovely GP who tried his best; he referred my dad again after he was discharged and the consultants secretary laughed at my sister down the phone when we called to chase and said he didn’t need to be seen again. That was the point we went private. The private consultant actually got him admitted under the NHS so we never had to pay anything. But it was the only thing that got us listened to.

It has been a nightmare rollercoaster and made us realise that the NHS is utterly fucked and that they don’t investigate unless it’s easy and obvious.

You need to advocate for your dad. You know him best. Don’t trust the doctors.

i'm so sorry to hear about your dad 😔it's just so hard to trust them when it seems like mistakes are made all the time

Glad to hear he is feeling better now in hospital. You mentioned a lump earlier, is this being investigated already or something he needs to speak to Dr about?

he's been to his GP about it and he's been referred for an ultrasound, but they may scan him tomorrow depending on how he is, his bloods are all clear so they're putting it down to a virus

I’m glad your dad is being looked after. Please do make sure he has all the tests and scans. I don’t want to scare you but my MIL had symptoms identical to your dad earlier this year, and similarly got fobbed off by her GP insisting it was a stomach bug despite losing a dramatic amount of weight. It wasn’t, it was a growth blocking the exit to her stomach which meant anything she ate and drank had nowhere to go apart from back the way it came.

hopefully with your dad it will be something relatively straightforward eg hernia related that can be easily fixed. Best wishes to him and you and your mum. Be kind to yourselves and each other, it’s surprising how physically and mentally exhausting it is sitting doing nothing while waiting around and worrying.

OP you did the right thing 100%. Your dad sounds like he's doing great. Dehydration can present some really awful symptoms, most of which us non mefical folk are not aware of . I had to take my dad to A & E recently (long story) but he's 80 ,and his BP was so low, he ended up on a drip . He was perfectly fine in himself, making the nurses laugh etc. And there I was, on bloody pins worried about him! I'm sure your dad will be just fine. Big hugs.x

All GPs are private. A GP would just call the ambulance.

I’m glad to hear your dad seems to be feeling better. It’s amazing what fluids can do if you are dehydrated.

I would consider inflammatory bowel disease. It can take a good while for most people to get diagnosed. It took me a good few visits, i lost a lot of weight, was getting loose stools up to 8 times a day. It could be worth him bringing it up with his doctor, especially if he has blood in his stool. In the meantime eating an easily digestible diet, like the low fodmap diet might be no harm. Keeping hydrated is important and a nutritional drink like complan or ensure could also help. I wouldn't panic too much, they know where the doctors and hospital is is if it becomes too urgent. You could keep checked in with them though and maybe plan a trip to see them if possible

I see there he's been to his gp. That's great his bloods are clear anyway. I'm sure they'll keep an eye on him. If hes For your information, my bloods were clear and I kept on losing weight/loose stools and then I was diagnosed with crohns disease. He could have a partial blockage somewhere if hes getting sick.. Ye'r doing great anyway. Dont forget to take a break from it and take some time for yourself too

Glad to hear your Dad has picked up and hope he's home soon. Such a worrying time for you. You've all had such a terrible experience. Please take further action as this could have been avoided.

so glad and relieved for your dad he was admitted and is on fluids.

Ignore them love.

They don't 'trot out' this line to avoid giving antibiotics just because they can't be bothered. Antibiotics cause diarrhoea themselves so they're definitely best avoided in this case unless there genuinely appears to be a bacterial cause of gastroenteritis needing antibiotics. The medics will make this decision based on a combination of history, examination, investigation results and response to other treatments given. You are not being fobbed off here x