Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

[Insywinsy2]

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

@CatkinToadflax I don't think they do realise what effect they have on us - my bully at school sent me a friend request on FB, which I declined; then another a couple of years later, also deleted. Not before I had a look and found out she is now a vicar!! I'm not a God person, but I'd like to think she gets turned away at the pearly gates... ;)

Abusive childhood and then I regret marrying a man who was emotionally and physically abusive. He held me hostage in marriage by threatening to take DC from me so I stayed - I left when youngest was 16. But I still have to smile at family functions for sake of my DC.
When I see these 'family annihilators' now, I wonder how many women are staying with abusive men out of fear of the same. I hope that they find peace xx

As we all know what has been happening in Palestine has been going on a lot longer than October so I have been protesting for a free Palestine for many years before that. And not unpleasant, I genuinely would not be able to be friends with anyone (regardless or religion of where they are from) if they supported what is happening now in Gaza

That’s so dreadfully sad. x

Multiple bereavements, three of which were in shocking circumstances with each of the people dying horrible deaths at a relatively early age. Two miscarriages, one of which was twins. Loads of other stuff which has left me with a diagnosis of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I tend to think I manage pretty well but can have very dark times. Sometimes I am so exhausted by struggling through life and on bad days all I want to do is sleep. Going though a bit of "what is the point of it all" at the moment, the prospect of winter on the horizon is not helping.

@AncientHistory

Losing my two youngest children. They haven’t died, they just don’t want to see me as their Father made them choose between us. I try to be grateful that they’re healthy and hope they’re happy but most days I feel like I’m walking around with a giant gaping hole that I’ll never be able to fill.

Very similar situation here too, and I'll never recover from the loss that of my daughter

I've been here Mummyoflittledragon
My DD is now 29 and recovered about 4 years ago having been ill for the best part of a decade. It was the worst time of our lives and we struggled in the darkest times to believe she would ever get better.

But she did.
So don't lose hope.

I'm 35 this year. My daughter is 2, and few years ago my dad made a bad mistake that really hurt the family. I tried to supported him and hoped he'll be there for me. He's completely NC and only saw. her when she was 4 months. It's so hurtful how he just comes in and out of my life, used me for years to help him raise his new children. Then when I have mine he doesn't contact me at all. :(. She's had hospital trips and all sorts. I've realised now, what he's like. And I'm just glad he'll never break her heart like he did mine x

@Ratfinkstinkypink

🤗 ❤️‍🩹 I'm so sorry for you going through that.

and to others dealing with very difficult things too.

Personally... (as you said, after bereavement)

Not having children is my is my deepest sorrow & as a pp said, now the grandchild & 'family' stuff. It hurts bad, but compared to what some posters have been through/are going through, so it feels a bit 'small' but it's mine 🤷🏻‍♀️

along with things like my Grandad with cancer being told he'd have 2 years - it was a couple of weeks. I was very close to him, I was 24, he was 52. & a few other things like that🥲

Miscarriages
Being dumped by my first love

100% right. It was a totally unnecessary and spiteful comment - an attempt at virtue-signalling, I suppose.

I'm a childhood sexual abuse survivor.

Also infertility and pregnancy loss.

My beautiful adopted son has severe mental health issues. That's been my biggest struggle for years.

The worst moments were standing beside the incubator in which my tiny and very early little Granddaughter was lying and feeling guilty that i wasn't at the bedside of my Daughter as she fought to stay with us after a traumatic delivery, then feeling the same guilt as i sat holding my Daughters hand thinking i should be beside the baby's incubator. They both made it.💜
When i was told my then Husband was out of contact in Kandahar. He made it.
The day they told me my lovely DH has cancer, we are praying he makes it.💔

Bless you, I understand. I have a rare medication induced neurological involuntary movement disorder and it is horrid 😪

@ColourfulCircles

Getting diagnosed with leiomyosarcoma this day last year. My entire family is dead so I’ve had a shit life anyway but I really could have done without this.

I feel sorrow reading the responses. There's a lot of unbelievably strong people here, which makes me feel silly for my own sorrows.
I don't know what went wrong with me. I was bullied a lot through school and anyone who wasn't bullying would ignore me. I see the majority of these people have gone onto have happy, fulfilled lives. Yet, I don't feel bitterness or jealousy, I just wish I was like them.
I wasted 17 years of my life with a narcissist. I don't regret that at all. I got a beautiful son from it. I do regret staying with him for the first 3 years of DSs life. I had the chance to end things during the pregnancy, how I wish I had.
I lost those years with DS, first with PND then trying to fix/save someone who never deserved me.
I have so few friends, the ones I have aren't close. I've not a lot of family, none of them speak to each other either and when I spend time with them they're bad mouthing the other.
I feel sorrow when I look at the future and I'm no longer here. There's just me and DS, will he be OK? He has no one else.

I'm so sorry ❤️

But the OP said her friend turned against her after October 7th.

Who cares what your opinion is, or whether you agree with the reason for the OP's sorrow? Is other people's unhappiness only valid if you approve of the reason for it? Is this thread supposed to be all about you?

I thought it was so we could open up to each other in a safe place and support each other and perhaps offer some comfort or at least sympathy. But you want to make it about yourself and criticise the OP by seizing the opportunity to do some virtue-signalling. You should be ashamed of yourself.

That i didn't have a crystal ball to show me the best way to parent my DS1.

My word - he was a tricky one! He is 28 now and the best decision he ever took was moving far from home at 18. Which is a pity, but true. His life is going much better now he's far away but we tried our best.

To cut a long story short, when he was diagnosed with moderate dyspraxia at about 5yrs, i realised i was a clumsy child too - it never held me back too much but there was no help when i was at school so i determined to access all the help i could for my DS.

Unfortunately, i think this sent out the message that he was 'broken' and wasnt good enough. He made an impassioned speech when he was about 11yrs saying he was sick of having OT appts because they never fix him.

And then he went into the most turbulent teen stage at high school. Rejecting any support and seeming to have an opposite opinion on everything. Tbh, it was quite a relief when he moved away hundreds of miles at 18 to live with an online partner.

Now he is with a different girl and they have a baby. His partner is really calm and patient. Perfect for him.

I'd have done a lot of things differently with the benefit of hindsight. We aren't estranged or anything. We see each other two or three times a year and that's enough. We have very different personalities. I am organised and efficient. He isn't - but i think my speed and energy just stresses him.

I should have just slowed right down and been more accepting of his weaknesses, rather than trying to fix them.

It is hard when there is a huge gap between a child's cognitive ability and another aspect.

He is still sharp as a tack, popular and really can crack out the jokes.

Interesting the number of folks mentioning miscarriage - 100% mc IS bereavement. I have had a few of those too but they are in the bereavement category, even though early losses.

I’m so sorry. I hope things work out well for you. X

Unexpectedly finding myself permanently disabled after a lifetime of performing an active job and playing sports etc. I cannot come to terms with it.

My only living child being diagnosed with a medulloblastoma aged 6.

A traumatic abortion that I didn't want to have, followed up with no support from anyone.

Lots of very sad stories on here - I have to be honest I nearly didn't even read this thread because I kind of knew it would be so sad.

However just wanted to reach out to @AncientHistory @flatsevenup @ColourfulCircles @CopKiller (i don't think anyone else!)

I also have children who have chosen to live with their Dad after divorce.
In our case coercive behaviour and parental alienation also strong contributing factors.
Nothing can describe the continual grief you feel every time the kids "go back to Dads". I've never felt so much of a failure. Failed at the most important job in the world - that of being a mum. I still see mine - alternate weekends but they are older teens now so pretty much only come when they fancy or haven't got plans with their friendship group.

It almost utterly destroyed me. I have had counselling and I've been diagnosed with a trauma response - so often when they tell me they can't come for the weekend for whatever reason - it takes me back to the time they initially decided to live with Dad - and I'm back to square one in my recovery process.

Jut wanted to send virtual hug to the few others who understand this - its just the most shit situation.