Parents don’t want to raise children anymore

[radiator2]

As some of you may be aware some children have been arrested in relation to the murder of an 80yr old. The mother of one of the rioters has also jetted off on holiday with no regard for the fact her child was due in court. While these are two quite extreme cases they seem to represent a bigger issue and I feel like nobody can be bothered to parent nowadays. I work around children and I see it daily, parents unbothered with discipline or actually raising their kids. It feels like some parents have no clue what their kids are up to meanwhile kids younger and younger are committing crimes and getting in huge trouble at school. I genuinely fear for the future with some of those in this generation of children and I can’t work out if more kids are just terrible people or if more parents have kids with no interest in raising them. I might be being a little dramatic but these kids don’t seem afraid or anything or to care what damage they cause

Parents and children exist in a world where support services have been cut to the bone. Austerity, then Covid and now the cost of living crisis have meant so many more people live in poverty and crisis. Mental health support is next to impossible to get. More children are ND. There's no funding anywhere. Kids who may have been ok with early interventions are just left to get worse and worse. Children aren't killing people because they are inherently bad people, parents aren't shit parents because they are inherently bad people, no-one exists in a vacuum. The whole country is fucked, people are desperate and broken and this is how desperate broken people behave, badly.

My DW taught in English schools in the late 90s. She had furniture thrown at her and was once held up against the wall by a pupil who was bigger than her. She would have been morally and legally entitled to punch him in the face in self-defence or knee him in the balls, except that the result would have been disciplinary proceedings against her. As far as she knows the pupil faced no consequences.

My point is that these issues are not new.

No, but they are more frequent and more violent

Told my DD that a lad she had gone to primary school with had been arrested for rioting, she replied 'horrible boy' he was always a horrible boy at school apparently and is no different now, no idea how he was parented but it obviously wasn't very effective.

We have parents now who have kids on the basis of them being their besties, gentle parenting and lack the skill to put in boundaries or consequences. This produces entitled little brats with zero manners or respect.
They go to school and verbally and physically abuse teachers and they don’t respect police or their elders. Schools have had their powers reduced and can’t do anything, police issue a slap on the wrist and parents don’t engage or care. Society on the whole is a shambles and far too soft. Absolutely appalling what happened to that poor man. I’m guessing the families of those monsters have been earmarked by authorities / police and nothing has been done early on preventative wise. It will be another one of those ‘mistakes we’re made’ and ‘what can we learn from it’ jobs as it always is. It truly is heartbreaking.

I wonder if the increase in premature babies survival rates and more multiple births due to IVF could somewhat account for the massive increases we've seen in SEN in primary schools in the UK in the past 2 decades.
But I agree with OP, many parents are terrified to parent and can't say No to their children ever.

I'm afraid it's a generation of teenage parents grown bored of their children now they are no longer babies! Or adults who don't know what contraception is, or who think the pill works on its own, use the pull out method - It's basically a generation of uneducated people whom were never given a decent chance in life, now passing that same struggle onto these kids. It's a bit like when they get a puppy and then you find it's been dumped at a shelter when it gets bigger. Nobody thinks of the future.

I'm sick of not being able to enjoy the park with my children because they've dumped their dogs kids there.

I'm sure this varies from place to place however I'm currently renting in quite a rough area and it seems that a lot of parents around here don't put the best into their children sadly. I'm astounded by some of the 'parenting' I see here.

Some parents seem more interested in getting into new relationships than looking out what there kids are doing then have more untold they tire of the next one you don't need to have children if you don't want to be a full on parent don't have them it's selfish

I think its a mix of things now to much gentle parenting parents blaming sen or use it as an excuse.
Then theres the parents that are never around and its down to the GPs or the nannys to deal with because they are part time parents.
Putting kids in so many clubs to keep them busy so they dont notice the parents are not there so much.
When the parents are around they want free time because they have been so busy with working.
Or they never get enough help etc well children are your responsibility but most dont want to do the work that is needed.
And wonder why kids go NC when they are older.
My mother wanted the CM and CB but didnt want to do the job.
But happy to see a new bloke.
We got so use to her not being around we didnt have a bond with her.
Now all adults she wonders why we dont want to know her.
But our nan is gold dust she was mum and nan.

Totally agree, it's so sad, no discipline but no one can say anything to these kids anymore. police used to be able to tell kids off and they'd be scared and get wrath of parents when they got home. Parents don't discipline their kids but won't have anything said to their kids either. It does seem to be getting worse. but there are still lots of good kids out there too, the ones that raise money for charity, ones on children of courage etc, unfortunately we only see about the bad ones. That 80 year old man rang the police before they attacked him apparently,

and that 14 year old kid who has been charged I just would like to know what goes through these kids brains before they do something like that, same with the lad in Southport

Crap parents spawn crap kids imo.

I agree op, problem is you cant discpiline your kids these days. Your not evan allowed to shout at them, lack of discipline leads to feral kids.

We have a friend who was Head Teacher of a very nice primary school in a prosperous, leafy Surrey town ... who had to call in the parents of a young boy who was carrying a knife 'for protection'.

My husband was walking down a street in London when a crowd of young people (school age) ran past him, going for a bus. As they ran, a massive knife fell out of the clothing of one the boys. They didn't even stop for it.

No one is going to tell me that things aren't getting worse.

By the amount of over parenting I see on Mumsnet In think you're probably being unreasonable.

We aren't allowed to discipline our kids anymore. I'm not talking about a smack etc that's just plain wrong but you aren't allowed to shout at your children anymore without it being classed as abuse. You can't take their privileges away because again it's abuse, parents are over a barrel and if you can't see that then you are blind.

We aren't allowed to parent our children in any other way than what's classed as permissive otherwise we're called abusive.

And these days, it's often the kids themselves saying they're being abused (because you asked them to do the washing up)!

How right you are...

of course it’s not true that ‘nobody can be bothered to parent these days’ - most of us do actually!! They have always been neglectful parents, just like there have always been kids who kill. You can’t just make huge generalisations like that. It’s the same as saying ‘kids these days… ‘, no there have been bad kids in every generation!

I do hear all the time that kids now have no respect for authority, and it makes life hell for teachers etc. But also I wonder if we have rose tinted specs for the past?

DH went to the same comprehensive that our teenagers do now. I cant speak for the teachers' experience, but the children's behaviour towards each other is massively better! Yes there is some occasional minor bullying (always dealt with) but when DH was there he had to leave his bike in a friends garden as anything left in the bike shed would be vandalised by older kids. In his first couple of years there was a school bus. The young kids had their bags grabbed and thrown in the hedge, their dinner money taken etc and general thuggery. DH said that was just normal behaviour from older kids to younger ones....😮!

It sounds horrific! We aren't in a particularly rough area. (I went to private school so can't comment, but I know my sister had to be pretty tough at her local comp too).

So I think there have always been awful children - but maybe they have different targets now?

Overparenting isn't good parenting, in fact these are probably the worst parents who should know better, but choose not to

I'm afraid it's a generation of teenage parents grown bored of their children now they are no longer babies!

Oh fuck off. You have no idea the age of the parents.

I agree with you. I blame the parents. You are the company you keep- and shit breeds shit.

Interesting to see in US parents been arrested again for the shooter in Atlanta yes parents should be held account for their children. If your kid is a nightmare look at your parenting or lack of not in all cases but in most

SOME parents! Not sure where you live or how you're interacting with ALL the parents of the world but I can guarantee there are a great many of us out here teaching our kids right from wrong and being there for important events, although thankfully no court dates for us!

The last lot were convicted of manslaughter and got 10-15 years I believe.