Parents don’t want to raise children anymore

[radiator2]

As some of you may be aware some children have been arrested in relation to the murder of an 80yr old. The mother of one of the rioters has also jetted off on holiday with no regard for the fact her child was due in court. While these are two quite extreme cases they seem to represent a bigger issue and I feel like nobody can be bothered to parent nowadays. I work around children and I see it daily, parents unbothered with discipline or actually raising their kids. It feels like some parents have no clue what their kids are up to meanwhile kids younger and younger are committing crimes and getting in huge trouble at school. I genuinely fear for the future with some of those in this generation of children and I can’t work out if more kids are just terrible people or if more parents have kids with no interest in raising them. I might be being a little dramatic but these kids don’t seem afraid or anything or to care what damage they cause

Schools didn't used to accept kids that were not potty trained ,so those who were delayed in their toileting for whatever reason were discriminated against.

Until there is evidence that there has been no impact locking children in with their abusers in their formative years.

Has anyone seen the film 'we need to talk about Kevin'?

Its about a mother who told people her child was showing worrying signs and no one believed her until it was too late then everyone blamed her for it. She was made out to have PND and bonding issue and when she did snap she felt guilty and like a 'bad mother' which the Kevin used to manipulate her even though she was correct all along.

Its interesting, how many parents come on here saying they are can't take it, they cant handle their child, they are SCARED of their child, they snapped because they are at the end of what they can take.

Just like 'lets talk about Kevin' someone the other day posted wanting to give their 5 year old up to protect their 3 year old (another plot point the happens in the film) and there have been so many more posts like that. Its not always the parents fault.

Sometime one kid can be a 'bad apple', they say every family has their 'black sheep'. These sayings have existed for generations to explain it, not just in our generation.

Mary Bell was 11 in 1968 when she murdered 2 toddler in cold blood with another young girl helping.

Its not remotely new or more common now.

There was always bad behaviour in schools ,I left school in 1990 ,I think we just tolerated low level bad behaviour more then, and yes loads of kids wagged it and nothing was really done about it .

I work In retail (think the golden arches)
We get teens in-swearing,vaping,smashing things up,sex in the toliets-thats just scraping the surface on a average shift
Most are lovely-i talk to them every shift and they say they are just bored
There is nothing for them to do-they are too old for toddler clubs,but apart from hanging around us and other places like the park,they have nothing
And then there are the feral ones
I've been sexually assaulted 8 times (3 by teens),I've been spat at,sworn at,had a knife waved at me,punched,threatened,slapped and that's just off the top of my head
We call the police-nothing happens-if we are lucky,they 'have a word'
Then 9 times out of ten,we get an angry parent in,squawking that 'my child wouldn't do that!'
They get shown the cctv-'how dare you record my child!'
One child smashed a glass wall-he hit it with a hammer and legged it
Nothing happened,I cleaned it up,police spoke to the parents,who refused to pay for the damage and that was the end of it
We did ban him,but he came swaggering in a week later
Police did nothing to remove him and I managed to get him out,but it's only a matter of time before he comes back

I work with someone who is the shittest father I've ever met
He has two kids,10 and 4
The 4 year old walked up to me and 'fucking move out of my way' (I didnt)
Dad just sat there,wetly saying 'amiee,stop it' and when she ignored him,she tried to push me out of the way again and ended with her slapping me
Dad did nothing
The 10 year old is out of control,he's out at all hours,shoplifting,causing hell at school (if he bothers to go) or on the streets,if he's at home,he's listening to mum having sex with her girlfriend,while he's palmed off with a screen
I remember reading about the one of the young lads who killed James bulger-he was one of 7,and his mum used to hide his shoes so he couldn't go out (if I remember rightly)
This kid is exactly like him
It's only a matter of time before he does something
(Oh and dad is having another with his latest girlfriend)

Another family I knew,mum didn't give a fuck as long as she got maximum benefits and dad really didn't give any fucks
The 3 kids did end up in care but way too late by then
It's a long story,but that then kid is now an adult
And is in prison for murdering his mums latest man

Something must give-these kids know their rights but don't have,nor want the responsibility that goes with them

All services that can help (police,ss etc) have been slashed to the bone,and these are the consequences

Or rather,they don't give a shit about the consequences as there isn't any

My friend and I were talking about this the other day. Terrible parents are not a new thing, but we wondered whether there might be a link between the lack of discipline and boundaries in schools and the increase in public violence recently; murderous children and rioting on the streets etc.

My mum had a teacher friend in the late 90's who got in trouble for reaching over and taking headphones off a student who insisted on listening to music in class and refused to take them off. She quit soon after - she didn't like where it was going. Obviously I don't remotely condone the violent punishments that my parents' generation were subject to at school, but there has to be some discipline. Every single teacher I know wants to leave the profession, some have been spat on and had things thrown at them, and I've heard of more then one who has been diagnosed with PTSD, which sounds very dramatic but I can completely believe it. They feel powerless.

Is it any wonder that we are where we are? There has to be a link.

Absolutely, in fact I think Socrates first complained about teenagers. But facts do speak for themselves, my cousin has been a teacher for 20+ years, kids are now starting school in nappies and she and other 5 year olds are being assaulted by another 5 year old in the class. I guess if history shoes 3ach generation is getting worse, well there's not much hope for the future and its a good thing population growth is slowing

The op has made lazy generalisations - I think many kids are over-parented and many kids are under-parented and maybe these have become more extreme. My parents were a fan of under-parenting - however as one of my siblings pointed out - they didn't care what we did to each other at home but if we behaved even slightly badly in public, all hell rained down on us - often excessive and violent punishments, we dared not bring shame on the family. Even looking behind you at church on Sunday would have you banned from all treats for a week (and we didn't get many so the few were precious) - neither were very religious.

People I know with kids don't use state schools and they don't have any issues except not all the children in the classroom are intelligent. Most people have chosen private to control which children their children mix with. These are all primary schools though and aiming for grammar. With the VAT they may not continue it in a year or so.

I 100% agree with this.

My DD’s school is banning phones from being on the premises. So kids can’t even take them and keep them in their bags/lockers. My DD is aghast. She asked won’t I be worried that I can’t track her to check she’s got to school? Won’t I worry if she’s half an hour late home because she’s stopped in a shop? I had to remind her that it’s only a very recent phenomenon that parents electronically track their children 24/7!

She said infant school, wasn't taking of regular school age kids.

2 kid policy and the snip - campaign for this.

There is definitely less respect and less consequences for young people. I come into contact with a lot at work, some are lovely; hardworking, polite and have a chat. Some are the opposite; rude, aggressive and go out of their way to make a mess and try to intimidate.

Drugs have a lot to answer for IMO. Yes, people have always taken them, but not so openly and brazenly as now. I see high school age kids stinking of weed and openly smoking spliffs. It can’t be good for their brains/bodies but it’s so prevalent now. I’m actually surprised when I see someone smoking a cig, instead of a spliff or vape.

Tell them not to do something and it’s arguments about how it doesn’t matter and they can do what they want.

I’m leaving my public facing job in two weeks and cannot wait.

Around here, infants is Reception and KS1, juniors is KS2.

A four year old who cannot talk hasn’t “not been taught to talk”. In fact a two year old who has a speech delay hasn’t “not been taught to talk” either.

Except that isn’t what I said. Anecdotally I think many with this view are exactly that. Just looking for a stick to beat other people with. Parents are an easy target, it’s a vulnerable time of your life and hits home because you care.

I feel so sorry for teachers trying to manage with huge classes with few class assistants. The disruption is appalling when there is a child who has major outbursts. I know a teacher who was physically assaulted by a primary age child. The disruption he caused was so bad we took DC out of the school and moved to another. Daily physical threats and it seemed like half the teaching time was lost.

Has it? I mean, it seems worse now.

Then you have one of the country’s largest police forces (GMP) failing to record 1 in 4 violent crimes and failing to record over 80,000 crimes one year. Depressing.

Yes, it has. And that isn't based on police reports, it's based on asking people if they have been victims of crime, so it isn't influenced by level of police activity.

The fact that violent crime has fallen quite dramatically and this is both little known and doesn't agree with how lots of people 'feel' is exactly why we can't and shouldn't rely on how people - even experienced, professional groups like teachers - feel to measure this.

Every older generation says "kids these days". Except me it seems, is it linked to my living in the now rather that being nostalgic as a person maybe? I don't just listen to music from the 80's/90's either like most seem to my age. I get far more out of discovering and listening to new music and watching gigs by up and coming bands. To me if listening to music ends at a decade of your childhood, then you don't love music really. The same people are the ones thinking kids of their childhood were better behaved, when music was better too allegedly. Some people don't move with the times and can't see the progress, too busy being nostalgic for the past and can't see that there were many negatives at the time.

. Some people don't move with the times and can't see the progress, too busy being nostalgic for the past and can't see that there were many negatives at the time.

What progress has been made for the better in children's behaviour and parenting?

We'll obviously rule out corporal punishment as hitting children is never ok.

Thank you. I’ll have to read that at home (crap signal here).

In the GMP report though, if 1 in 4 weren’t recorded, that’s 20000 violent crimes that didn’t happen, according to the police. I listened to the phone in on local radio with the (then new) Chief Constable, they very much did happen to the victims who were treated disgracefully.

I’m not saying it’s the whole answer but I do think people are more likely to perceive themselves as a victim now. SA on young girls/sexually active teens I don’t believe has changed, but I think there’s more recognition it’s wrong and more support for prosecution (although still not enough).

There’s also more awareness re safe guarding and what constitutes an offender. With those previously shielded by occupation or status exposed.

Things like child to child sexting etc are just an evolution of sexual crimes, not the invention of them.

I disagree I think parents do a lot more intentional parenting now

Nothing new. These things have been happening forever.

Population increase = proportional increase in bad eggs?