Page 11 | Reception Home Visit - felt so awkward😂

Cheekychiq · 2024-09-03T14:36:56+00:00

Omg just wanted to quickly vent - just had my child’s teacher/TA round for their reception home visit. I had been extremely nervous about this because although I had consented to it, I was really not keen on having it because I just feel like it’s a *massive* invasion of privacy - don't get me wrong, I know that them doing home visits serves a fantastic purpose and they get to see your child in a more comfortable and familiar setting and can definitely be a great opportunity for some parents to raise concerns that they might not get the chance to do on the school premises but still - I feel like if I had not consented then you automatically get labelled as that uncooperative parent and it might look like you’ve got something to hide 😳 the visit went well and my child was very pleased to see them and super enthusiastic 😂 but it just felt soooo unnatural to me and I just felt soooo uncomfortable throughout. It’s the first time I’ve had a teacher at my home so maybe that’s why and they were very lovely but still 😂😂😭😭 just curious, has anyone ever declined a school home visit (if it was ever offered at your child/ren’s school?) if yes, did you feel like there was any backlash? Or not? Arrrgh feel like I need to really unwind and destress after this because I noticed the TA checking out the house (she didn’t know I could see her) and her eyes were darting left, right and centre) 🥲 ARRRRRGHHHHH😂 I’m sure I’ll recover …vent complete

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 03/09/2024 19:33

We had a visit from the deputy head plus vicar (C of E school). Not being at all religious, I thought it might be my one chance to say 'More tea vicar?' I'm not sure I managed to slip the phrase in even although cups of tea were had.

I just thought it was kind of a strange experience and did feel rather stressed.
I bet they made comments to each other about the various houses they visited.

DS scampered around merrily, still young enough at four to think whatever happens must be normal.

supportpangolin · 03/09/2024 19:33

Depressedbarbie · 03/09/2024 18:37

Far from ideal. However, the school probably isn't know. They are not allowed to give out the teacher's personal information e.g. that theybare off sick. They may have self certified, then got 2 weeks from the doctor. The teacher is an employee - there's nothing they can do. Also, from a comms perspective, saying that they don't khow what the arrangements will be worse - much better to give parents certainty once they have it..

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At the very least, it would have been helpful if the school had sent the children home with a note for parents that Mrs B was acting reception teacher. As it was, nothing was said at all about the change of teacher. The children were expecting to be welcomed by Mrs A, whom they'd met twice at induction sessions and once at home, but on their first day were ushered into the classroom by the head and a couple of office staff. They came out at lunch time confused and unsettled as to why their teacher was someone else. Mrs B wasn't introduced to parents as a supply teacher until the first parents' evening.

Original poster

Cheekychiq · 03/09/2024 19:34

SussexLass87 · 03/09/2024 19:12

I used to be a Reception teacher and persuaded my school to cancel them, in huge part because of what you've written OP.

I had to go along with it the first year, "because that's what we do", but it was just awful.

The parents seemed so lovely, and so stressed. Which wasn't a great start to our relationship. My school also wanted us to only stay for 10 minutes, which isn't enough time for a proper conversation.

It also took up 3 days, when I could have been doing any of the millions of jobs teachers have in September.

I replaced them with (optional!) 15 minute chat or phone call in the school at the start of the term...with a huge emphasis on optional. Of course, any child with additional needs we made sure to make the chat longer.

But I hear you...now I'm a parent I'm so glad my child's school doesn't do them!

sighs with relief

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheekychiq · 03/09/2024 19:35

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 03/09/2024 19:33

We had a visit from the deputy head plus vicar (C of E school). Not being at all religious, I thought it might be my one chance to say 'More tea vicar?' I'm not sure I managed to slip the phrase in even although cups of tea were had.

I just thought it was kind of a strange experience and did feel rather stressed.
I bet they made comments to each other about the various houses they visited.

DS scampered around merrily, still young enough at four to think whatever happens must be normal.

Gosh that must have been awkward

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheekychiq · 03/09/2024 19:37

mrsed1987 · 03/09/2024 19:32

We had one last year. It was fine but I didn't understand the point really. They just asked us if he could use the toilet, do buttons and use cutlery and what he was interested in....could have easily told them that on the phone or wrote it on any of the forms they sent out.

Yeah exactly, we got asked similar questions too…stuff that could have been answered on the phone

OP posts:

RawBloomers · 03/09/2024 19:39

We had this about a decade ago. It was done during the first week of term - they didn’t have class for reception so that the teachers could visit everyone’s home (then another week of only partial attendance to allow for “easier” settling in)!

It didn’t seem entirely pointless to me. Kids loved it and were excited to show their new teachers all their stuff. There was a bit of getting to know you chat that certainly didn’t hurt. But the conversation with me and interaction with the kids was shallow and (I thought) not well planned. Overall I was unimpressed with them missing a week of school in order to get this 15 minute meeting at home!

I can’t imagine there would be any repercussions if you couldn’t do it. There must be plenty of people who work and can’t just drop a day to wait on teachers coming round. And if I had my time over I would insist on the kids going. Into school for the week instead.

But, OP, you sound like you’re wanting to avoid it because of anxiety over having other people in your home, rather than because it’s a waste of time. And I think, with kids, you really need to find a way to deal with that anxiety or you will most likely limit their opportunities and enjoyment of life (even if you think you are hiding it from them).

NothingAGoodCuppaDoesntFix · 03/09/2024 19:41

I had this with eldest who's now adult. And my now 6 yo. Dcs school the early years children start a week after the other children so gives the first few days for teachers to visit.

WimbyAce · 03/09/2024 19:46

Didn't have one with my eldest but have got one on Friday with my youngest. I'm not too bothered about it tbh. I guess I'm q blasé about her starting school so I feel q chilled. Will be nice I think to have a 1 on 1 with the teacher at home, I will offer her tea and hopefully have a nice chat or whatever it is they are doing.

Serencwtch · 03/09/2024 19:48

Mine were visited at nursery by their reception teacher. I thought it was lovely for DC to meet the new teacher in a familiar setting. Never really thought about it but if kids weren't in nursery then they would have missed so maybe the teacher visited them at home.
Apart from not being free during the school day I don't think it would have bothered me & if it had been offered & it made it easier for DC on their first day I would have made the effort to be home. Surely you just chat to them in 1 room they don't go on a tour of your home or anything.

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/09/2024 19:49

ladycarlotta · 03/09/2024 19:29

OK?

You didn't but that's literally what they do at lots of schools. Reception starts later and part time.

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I was only talking about myself. I know some other schools do it.

TickleMyPickle · 03/09/2024 19:53

I had this for my kids and they are now 18&16.
With my eldest it was a red hot day and I had on a strapless maxi dress and he was climbing on me and pulled it down and flashed my monstrous strapless bra and belly at the teacher and TA 😮

pleasehelpwi3 · 03/09/2024 19:53

FluffMagnet · 03/09/2024 18:02

Could it be that parents are feeling negative from the start because they are being forced to take annual leave to cover a 30 minute home meeting with a teacher, followed by a further couple of weeks juggling staggered starts etc., and then being requested to attend weekly assemblies, school trips, create/buy costumes and similar events? I know Ofsted push unreasonably in terms of parental interaction, but it does appear on here that many parents are being pushed to breaking point by school expectations on their time, which in turn makes the parents resent the teachers. I am very lucky that our school has immediate start for reception, organises and communicates all events for the term ahead, and makes good use of live streaming and the such like on secure channels. It is essential for families with both parents working full time.

Failing to value education is of course another issue in itself, and (I accept I am being hugely negative here) it will take a lot more than a quick home visit by a Reception teacher to bring those parents back into the fold...

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As a teacher when you read threads like this, you just want to weep....I really don't understand why parents could possibly 'feel negative' because the school wants to spend a little time with them talking about their child, and learning about that family. You are about to start a seven-year partnership with the school, and you are complaning about begrudgingly 'being forced to take annual leave.'

No school- or none that I know of- requires parents to attend weekly assemblies.

fizzwhizz1 · 03/09/2024 19:59

DS is starting now and I just simply declined the home visit. School asked if we could go into school instead. All simple.

pleasehelpwi3 · 03/09/2024 20:03

Cheekychiq · 03/09/2024 18:44

You’re absolutely not alone in thinking this. I agree 100% that on a safeguarding perspective these visits would be vital but my post was coming from a totally different angle in terms of preserving the respect for privacy/home life. Like for example, I take a lot of pride in my appearance usually (like hair/makeup etc) but today I was very busy in the morning so didn’t get a chance to shower and my hair wasn’t looking too great and my clothes were probably stained - the house was generally fine but I guess someone who has never met me before might immediately jump to conclusions 😂

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No teacher would judge you on your hair- your whole post doesn't mention your child at any point. It's about the child's best interests not yours- as other teachers have said you can't tell about which children might require welfare support or more based on the admissions form. My school does them- it's not to be nosey, or make a judgement on parents- except in serious cases- and many parents value it as they get to discuss their child with the HT or reception teacher. I fail to understand the faux naivete and rubbish about 'invasions of privacy' throughout this thread. That said, parental behaviour has deteriorated in the last few years, but it's disappointing to see children who haven't even started yet with parents already displaying such antagonistic attitudes towards schools.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 03/09/2024 20:13

bergamotorange · 03/09/2024 16:46

Unless these were legally required I'd decline.

Home is home, school is school. I think it's inappropriate and intrusive.

Not necessarily. I think it's a safeguarding procedure and I didn't think it was that unusual. I don't remember having one for my eldest daughter about 10 years ago but it might be different depending on where you live 🤔

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 03/09/2024 20:15

pleasehelpwi3 · 03/09/2024 20:03

No teacher would judge you on your hair- your whole post doesn't mention your child at any point. It's about the child's best interests not yours- as other teachers have said you can't tell about which children might require welfare support or more based on the admissions form. My school does them- it's not to be nosey, or make a judgement on parents- except in serious cases- and many parents value it as they get to discuss their child with the HT or reception teacher. I fail to understand the faux naivete and rubbish about 'invasions of privacy' throughout this thread. That said, parental behaviour has deteriorated in the last few years, but it's disappointing to see children who haven't even started yet with parents already displaying such antagonistic attitudes towards schools.

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Totally agree with all of this. 👍

nosmartphone · 03/09/2024 20:24

But, OP, you sound like you’re wanting to avoid it because of anxiety over having other people in your home, rather than because it’s a waste of time. And I think, with kids, you really need to find a way to deal with that anxiety or you will most likely limit their opportunities and enjoyment of life (even if you think you are hiding it from them)

^^ This. 100%
As a teacher when you read threads like this, you just want to weep....I really don't understand why parents could possibly 'feel negative' because the school wants to spend a little time with them talking about their child, and learning about that family. You are about to start a seven-year partnership with the school, and you are complaning about begrudgingly 'being forced to take annual leave.'

And sadly ^ This 200%.

You can tell the parents that are on board with their child's school/teacher/journey and the ones that simply don't want to put any extra effort in. It's actually heartbreaking. They're the first ones in to complain though.

FWIW I would never judge if someone's house was tidy - I was saying to tidy if you felt that's what needing doing.
.

Calliopespa · 03/09/2024 20:28

TickleMyPickle · 03/09/2024 19:53

I had this for my kids and they are now 18&16.
With my eldest it was a red hot day and I had on a strapless maxi dress and he was climbing on me and pulled it down and flashed my monstrous strapless bra and belly at the teacher and TA 😮

😅😅 I love these Dc stories.
I remember saying something to a midwife after first Dc was born ( think she was helping me onto the loo or manoeuvring a breast for latching on on something) and saying :” oh I’m sorry, this all seems a bit undignified.” She quipped back : “grab hold of that feeling my darling and get well used to it. There a lot of loss of dignity once you’re a mum.”

Nottodaythankyou123 · 03/09/2024 20:41

pleasehelpwi3 · 03/09/2024 20:03

No teacher would judge you on your hair- your whole post doesn't mention your child at any point. It's about the child's best interests not yours- as other teachers have said you can't tell about which children might require welfare support or more based on the admissions form. My school does them- it's not to be nosey, or make a judgement on parents- except in serious cases- and many parents value it as they get to discuss their child with the HT or reception teacher. I fail to understand the faux naivete and rubbish about 'invasions of privacy' throughout this thread. That said, parental behaviour has deteriorated in the last few years, but it's disappointing to see children who haven't even started yet with parents already displaying such antagonistic attitudes towards schools.

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Exactly - how are they supposed to tell from a form which children may need extra assistance, and only visit those ones. It just seems to be starting the school relationship on assumptions that they’re judging etc, and I know from teacher relatives how difficult and distrustful some parents can be. Why start off imputing negative intention when the only intention relates to the wellbeing and welfare of your children. Surely if there’s anything you can agree with them on it’s the safety and wellbeing of your children!

SometimeSomewhere · 03/09/2024 20:50

You can tell the parents that are on board with their child's school/teacher/journey and the ones that simply don't want to put any extra effort in. It's actually heartbreaking. They're the first ones in to complain though.

I think that's very unfair. We did have home visits but I wasn't that bothered with them and they didn't seem much use. I don't think just because you're not enthusiastic about a home visit that you're not on board with your child's 'journey' through school.

I have always been very supportive of my child's schooling, helped with trips, volunteered in school to listen to the children read, attended workshops etc. There can still be a separation between home and school and you don't have to be falling over yourself to want teachers visiting your home whilst being a parent that supports the school and your child's journey through it.

Ghilliegums · 03/09/2024 20:53

I would have been horrified at a home visit. All my dcs came through school unscathed with good reports and good exam results.

Not all schools do them - does that mean those parents are lesser?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 03/09/2024 21:32

We had this with both dc (now y8 and y11) going into Receotion, but at the end of the summer term. In the last fortnight of term, the Y5s go to middle school*, and everyone moves up into their new classes, which leaves the Reception staff free to do home visits. (The y8s also go to high school).

my little corner of Yorkshire has first/middle/high school. Middle school is Y6-Y8.

Original poster

Cheekychiq · 03/09/2024 22:06

RawBloomers · 03/09/2024 19:39

We had this about a decade ago. It was done during the first week of term - they didn’t have class for reception so that the teachers could visit everyone’s home (then another week of only partial attendance to allow for “easier” settling in)!

It didn’t seem entirely pointless to me. Kids loved it and were excited to show their new teachers all their stuff. There was a bit of getting to know you chat that certainly didn’t hurt. But the conversation with me and interaction with the kids was shallow and (I thought) not well planned. Overall I was unimpressed with them missing a week of school in order to get this 15 minute meeting at home!

I can’t imagine there would be any repercussions if you couldn’t do it. There must be plenty of people who work and can’t just drop a day to wait on teachers coming round. And if I had my time over I would insist on the kids going. Into school for the week instead.

But, OP, you sound like you’re wanting to avoid it because of anxiety over having other people in your home, rather than because it’s a waste of time. And I think, with kids, you really need to find a way to deal with that anxiety or you will most likely limit their opportunities and enjoyment of life (even if you think you are hiding it from them).

You’re certainly right, it’s more about having people in my home, not about the visit

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheekychiq · 03/09/2024 22:07

TickleMyPickle · 03/09/2024 19:53

I had this for my kids and they are now 18&16.
With my eldest it was a red hot day and I had on a strapless maxi dress and he was climbing on me and pulled it down and flashed my monstrous strapless bra and belly at the teacher and TA 😮

😂😂😂😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheekychiq · 03/09/2024 22:15

nosmartphone · 03/09/2024 20:24

But, OP, you sound like you’re wanting to avoid it because of anxiety over having other people in your home, rather than because it’s a waste of time. And I think, with kids, you really need to find a way to deal with that anxiety or you will most likely limit their opportunities and enjoyment of life (even if you think you are hiding it from them)

^^ This. 100%
As a teacher when you read threads like this, you just want to weep....I really don't understand why parents could possibly 'feel negative' because the school wants to spend a little time with them talking about their child, and learning about that family. You are about to start a seven-year partnership with the school, and you are complaning about begrudgingly 'being forced to take annual leave.'

And sadly ^ This 200%.

You can tell the parents that are on board with their child's school/teacher/journey and the ones that simply don't want to put any extra effort in. It's actually heartbreaking. They're the first ones in to complain though.

FWIW I would never judge if someone's house was tidy - I was saying to tidy if you felt that's what needing doing.
.

I totally hear you. But I think even allowing them into your home (as it’s not mandatory) is a already a good sign. My post is more to do with the privacy thing and is totally normal to feel
this way, especially if you’re quite a private person. I don’t think it has any reflection on making an “effort” because in the grand scheme of things, that 15-30mins visit is really a drop in the ocean of a child’s entire academic life from reception to university (if they choose to even go).

OP posts:

Reception Home Visit - felt so awkward😂

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