Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How old were you when you stopped having sex.

575 replies

whatisforteamum · 30/08/2024 08:51

I'm 57 and realised that I barely ever have sex now
Relationship issues and dh has had ED since a heart attack does have Viagra though.
I don't have much drive really tbh.
How old where you when you stopped having sex?

OP posts:
DorcasTortoise · 30/08/2024 20:45

Stopped at about 51 (now 56). My libido survived my hysterectomy but not the menopause, which has wiped out my energy, mood and career ambition as well. I also have extensive abdominal scarring from major surgery, which I prefer to keep covered. I still occasionally dream of physical intimacy but have no desire for it, or anything sexual, in real life. It’s actually good to know I am not the only one.

Milsonophonia · 30/08/2024 21:29

This is a really beautiful and important thread

Rubia3 · 30/08/2024 21:47

Don’t really remember (it was that earthmoving), but possibly 8-10 years ago (I’m 62). Don’t miss it, rarely enjoyed it, but self-service (lelo) is now impeccabble.

primroseandplum · 30/08/2024 22:49

I will answer your question.

I stopped having sex at age 65. That was not my wish and I am very sad about it because I loved sex and our sexual connection and we stopped solely because of my beloved late husband's terminal illness. The last time was frightening, I remember it well because he struggled to breathe. That was the last time we had sex but I don't think it will be the last time I will have sex.

I'm now late sixties and a widow. My libido and physical and emotional need for closeness remains, and I hope to have more sex in the future, sometime, with someone I feel love for, or at least strongly attracted to and like. Unfortunately by then I might be too old and no-one would desire me. Which is a sad thought.

Sex isn't just for the young. It is life enhancing and has many benefits both physical and emotional. It is part of being human and alive. I understand that not everyone feels like sex at every (or any) stage in life, but it's simply not true that women's desire and appetite for sex and simple human connection evaporates at the menopause. For many women it continues till they die. I know that for a fact as my mum used to masturbate long into old age. Discovering a vibrator in her bedside cabinet told me that, as well as her occasional confidences about her old friend: 'Sometimes I still invite him into my bed'. She was in her 80's.

That gives me hope, and I hope this post gives hope to other women who enjoy life-enhancing sexual connection. If sex matters to you, and there is no man in your life at the moment, it's worth keeping your vaginal tissues supple and healthy with Vagifem/ vibrators / dildos / hrt / testosterone - you never know when your circumstances might change and you might be surprised by an unexpected surge in your libido. Widow's fire, anyone? Or the right man who knows what he's doing - lifechanging.

DBD1975 · 30/08/2024 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Milsonophonia · 30/08/2024 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ew. Go away.

PinkyGold · 30/08/2024 23:15

50, I just lost all interest in it. I've not really missed it either, I'm sorry to say.

username44416 · 30/08/2024 23:21

Milsonophonia · 30/08/2024 23:14

Ew. Go away.

Is sex 'ew'?

Milsonophonia · 30/08/2024 23:30

username44416 · 30/08/2024 23:21

Is sex 'ew'?

The comment I was responding to was most definitely 'ew'.

Gansy · 30/08/2024 23:50

Agreed.

Angrymum22 · 30/08/2024 23:58

Always had a high sex drive until I had breast cancer. I’m now on Anastrazole, with absolutely no libido. DH had a stroke not long after my treatment ended and has ED as a result of his medication although still has a healthy libido. I think if he didn’t have ED I would be more interested but sex is such a let down I’ve lost interest.
We are both early 60 and prior to health problems I was looking forward to sex indefinitely. It’s a bit depressing but I’m learning to live with it.

blackheartsgirl · 31/08/2024 00:07

since 44 and widowed. 3 years now for me. I miss it .Dh and I had a good sex life. I really hope this isn’t it but I think it will be 😭

dutysuite · 31/08/2024 00:35

I’m 45 and had a marina coil since May…since then zero libido.

DBD1975 · 31/08/2024 00:57

Milsonophonia · 30/08/2024 23:30

The comment I was responding to was most definitely 'ew'.

🤣🤣🤣

DBD1975 · 31/08/2024 01:09

username44416 · 30/08/2024 23:21

Is sex 'ew'?

From the response to my post I am starting to think it must be for these poor women who don't like it. They obviously don't know what they are missing out on! So grateful I have a partner who is beyond amazing in that department. On the down side he is useless at DIY but hey ho I guess a girl can't have everything! 🤣

yasminandtheredrose · 31/08/2024 01:19

32

Prriorayingly · 31/08/2024 01:26

59, when I had ovarian cancer.

Justalittlenaughty · 31/08/2024 01:40

KeepSmiling89 · 30/08/2024 11:31

About 2 years ago...so I was 33 at the time. Around the time I realised my husband was an abusive prick and he just wasn't sexually attractive to me anymore.
Not going to lie...I get urges now and again and I remember how good it feels to orgasm...would love that feeling again, but, other than that, I'm happy with my sex free life at the moment

Give yourself an orgasm.

faffadoodledo · 31/08/2024 06:47

@DBD1975 way to make women feel bad about either their situation or decision. Some women seem to be making active decisions. What's wrong with that? Who knows what else is going on in their lives? Maybe they are a lot more fulfilling in other ways to yours or mine.

Beezknees · 31/08/2024 06:50

DBD1975 · 31/08/2024 01:09

From the response to my post I am starting to think it must be for these poor women who don't like it. They obviously don't know what they are missing out on! So grateful I have a partner who is beyond amazing in that department. On the down side he is useless at DIY but hey ho I guess a girl can't have everything! 🤣

You're very ignorant if you can't understand that people have different wants/needs to you. Close minded too.

Stillploddingalong · 31/08/2024 07:30

DBD1975 · 31/08/2024 01:09

From the response to my post I am starting to think it must be for these poor women who don't like it. They obviously don't know what they are missing out on! So grateful I have a partner who is beyond amazing in that department. On the down side he is useless at DIY but hey ho I guess a girl can't have everything! 🤣

This, and the comment about "obviously never had a decent shag in your entire life time" is exactly the tone deaf gloating a previous poster complained about.

DBD1975 is being thoroughly unpleasant and should have a long hard think about themselves.

Sadly this is about normal for Mumsnet. The vast majority of posts on this thread are thoughtful, sensitive, and are enabling women to share personal stuff they can't always explore in real life. There's always one though...

BigButtons · 31/08/2024 08:14

Stillploddingalong · 31/08/2024 07:30

This, and the comment about "obviously never had a decent shag in your entire life time" is exactly the tone deaf gloating a previous poster complained about.

DBD1975 is being thoroughly unpleasant and should have a long hard think about themselves.

Sadly this is about normal for Mumsnet. The vast majority of posts on this thread are thoughtful, sensitive, and are enabling women to share personal stuff they can't always explore in real life. There's always one though...

Edited

I agree. Imagine saying to someone that it’s a terrible shame that they don’t like chocolate cake. It must mean they have never had a decent chocolate cake in their lives.maybe they just don’t like chocolate cake.

Gloriia · 31/08/2024 08:32

For single women who choose not to have sex, fine. However those in relationships saying they don't have sex and don't miss it what about your partners, do they have any input, is it a mutual decision? If not then that is not fine.

Cattyisbatty · 31/08/2024 08:42

I’m in early 50s and have no interest really - sorry dh! Combo of meno and health issues over last couple of years for both of us meant we got out of the habit - wasn’t v frequent prior to that. Should probably make an effort now for sake of dh even if he has to get viagra. Am through meno so can sling the protection!

Gansy · 31/08/2024 08:44

Bet it’s a bloke.