How old were you when you stopped having sex.

[whatisforteamum]

I'm 57 and realised that I barely ever have sex now
Relationship issues and dh has had ED since a heart attack does have Viagra though.
I don't have much drive really tbh.
How old where you when you stopped having sex?

Does he have interest though and if there's no physical intimacy at home aren't you worried that he'll seek it elsewhere?

Yes, but perhaps the analogy could be usefully extended.

Perhaps not getting any enjoyment from sex is more like not getting any enjoyment from any taste rather than just one specific taste.

De gustibus non disputandum, indeed, but imagine someone who doesn't like the taste of anything. Are they not missing out on a fun part of life?

Of course no-one should be blamed for being born with no sense of taste, any more than any other disability. And overt sympathetic comments are often de trop ("So sorry to hear you were born deaf," not a decent thing to say, really. Etc.) Still, though, it might not be wrong to think it a terrible shame. I'd be sad if one of my children lacked the capacity to enjoy the taste of food. Or sex. Hmm?

Wrt this thread, I think it may be good for younger people reading to know that sexual pleasure can last through until old age. Just for reassurance, if you like. Certainly I'd like to think my children knew that, despite me not talking to them directly of my own experience on the matter. (That's definitely a "Ew!")

Or, it'd be like saying that you didn't like chocolate cake, your dp loved it but you'd banned it from your house.

In a healthy relationship when one loves something and the other doesn't then some kind of compromise is needed or else the one banned from what they like may well feel disappointed and go eat the chocolate in secret.

If you don't think it is sad to go through cancer, have everything which says you are a woman taken away from you (I had to have my ovaries removed as well as breast surgery) and then have further hormone treatment which has horrendous side effects on top of chemo and radiotherapy then, purely in my view, that is sad. I know there are some hideous people on here who will disagree but trust me you are in the minority (thank goodness).

Sex drive peaks and troughs, like all things in life.

I never really had much urge until I met my husband, and finally met a man who I fancied that fancied me too. We had a good sex life until we had children, when their needs and the feeling of being touched out came first. When the youngest got to about 7 or 8 and gained more independence at home, our sex life improved. We had time together to enjoy mutual hobbies, I looked at him properly and remembered how handsome he is, how much I enjoy his laugh. Our sex life was better than ever.

I can’t say sex has been mind blowing, for me it’s not about multiple orgasms and tbh
most of the time I don’t orgasm at all. I enjoy feeling his body against mine, I enjoy the pleasure he gets from my body and the connection intimacy creates.

I can’t speak for future and expect there to be waxes and wanes over time but as it stands I love him, I enjoy sex and the intimacy it creates between us and hope it continues for as long as we both want it to. He doesn’t have a very high drive but a few times a week in his 40’s he’s happy with so I expect it to be around the same or less as he ages.

obviously can’t speak for health as we go forward but we all hope to live healthily don’t we?

In our house I have to hide the chocolate or people just steal it!

I wasn’t directing that at you - I would have thought that was obvious. The many others who have completely ignored the OP have not made any mention of cancer.

Same age, exactly the same feelings. I do feel bad but I cringe at the thought of sex now. I don’t know what to do to fix it for my poor DH. Then again, I’m not sure I want to fix it!

I am not trying to make anyone feel bad. It is fine for anyone who doesn't want or like sex not to have it.

I took issue with someone who responded to my original post about having had breast cancer and as a result of surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and hormone treatment no longer being able to have sex to which their response was they are 'baffled' by my lack of understanding', my subsequent posts escalated from there.
Quite frankly I am 'baffled' by the responses I received, but there are always people in life who are just unkind.
Fortunately I have a great relationship, an amazing partner and I am still able to have an active sex life which will no doubt someone will take issue with!

In a long term relationship. Sex just kind of fizzled out and neither of us has initiated anything for years. We're both happy with that. I'm not sad at all. Sex was never enjoyable for me, regardless of who it was with. It was a case of "Oh God, I'd better get this over and done with"

I'm perfectly happy that I will never have to do it again in my life.

Emily Nagasoki's book "Come Together" is very interesting on sex and ageing. She talks about the difference between desire and pleasure. At the start of a relationship, desire is high and sex often happens easily and spontaneously. When that changes with age, we try to rekindle the spark - but actually, if you put pleasure, not desire, at the hart of the relationship, you can basically commit to exploring what feels nice and seeing where it goes. It might require some organising or pushing through embarrassment, but it does offer an alternative road map for a continuing and satisfying sexual relationship
So interesting @Stillploddingalong , thanks for posting.
I'm mid 70s and that really resonates with me.
I am sometimes with an old love , he has a host of chronic health issues that cause ED and rule out Viagra but he is kind and unselfish and wants to give pleasure. But I think he also retains a high sex drive. And we both want the intimacy .

Similar to me. DD died 10 years ago when I was 43 and haven’t had sex since. I think it’s been a mixture of lone parenting, working and meno all combined equals a loss of energy for me,

When I was younger I did have a high sex drive but that interest just isn’t there anymore. However, I do miss the closeness of a relationship and male company and like to think that one day I might meet someone and something might ignite again!!

Apols, typo -DH died 10 years ago not DD!!

At the moment, it was age 46, but I hope it doesn’t stay that way. I always had a very high sex drive and can tell all the smug 30 somethings that have answered this thread in horror saying “I hope this never happens to me!” - well, it might.

I was like you, probably worse, my sex drive was all encompassing, my weekends were spent finding cute guys to sleep with or enjoying my boyfriend in bed, it was pretty much the main drive of my life, sex was a priority more than any other basic need (I was told I was “just like a guy” in this respect, pity them if so, it wasn’t healthy!)

Fast forward to now, I had a child late in life (having too much fun before!) with a wonderful partner and sex is not in the picture for several reasons, we’re knackered, there’s a child in our bed, we have no time alone, we’re both tired and cranky, he is a little older - but I have to say the main point that no one seems to have said before -

Having sex with the same person for X number of years can be a bit boring!!!

Sorry to shatter the illusions of the 30 somethings. Sometimes a woman can not want sex with her husband, not because she has gone off sex, but just because she has gone off sex with him - he isn’t terribly exciting, even though she loves him to bits and would never want to cheat on him at all. So the libido does die down.

I think it might be worth checking all the “I’m 70 and had a massive session this morning” with the question “how long have you known your partner”? Surely we all know novelty is a massive turn on, no matter what age?

Glad it’s not just me that’s flabbergasted !!!

64 soon, not stopped. Do not enjoy it but and fantasise about 2 ex’s when masturbating 👍🏼 and enjoy that !

I am 70 next birthday still happily having sex at least once a week. I believe it is personal choice not a competition if not having sex bothers you do something about it and get advice if it doesn't that also OK that's you embrace it. Either way love who you are ladies x

35. Single/sole parent so no time/space for a relationship

72 still at it, but just now and then - suits us both. The spirit willing but the flesh is weak!

Exactly. If you want it, great - if you don’t want it, also great. Each to their own.

Not wanting it doesn’t mean he’s obviously a rubbish shag, or he’s going to run off with someone else, or you need to take HRT, or you’re sad, etc etc.

Many women just do it ‘to keep DH happy’. I think that’s sadder TBH.

My mother said she had to have sex every night of her married life (excluding periods) as my father said it was his marriage rights.

I’d argue this thread is confirming that the majority of older couples stop having sex. And that is perfectly normal - and often sex is not missed.

I think you’d have to ask someone a lot older than me! I’m 75 and DH the same. Sex doesn’t have to be penetrative to be enjoyable - just hugging and snuggling together brings us great joy - and we’ve been married longer than most Mumsnetters have been alive!

Around 30. Divorced. I'm quite religious and so don't do masturbation or sex outside of marriage and don't want to remarry.

My parents are in their mid-70s and still regularly have sex.