Desperately sad about holiday ending

[Jackolanterny]

We spend summers abroad, usually away for 4-5 weeks.

I love the climate here, the nature, the space, the vivid colours, the water. I love everything about life here.It’s Florida.

I don’t want to come home. I have about two days left and already feel the holiday blues creeping in and the anxiety about returning to the UK. I hate the weather at home. I hate the pace. I hate the greyness and bleakness of everyday. If you told me I could never step foot in the UK again, I wouldn’t be worried at all.

I was made for this place and wish I could just live here. I will cry my eyes out coming home as usual and will pine to come back, thinking of not much else. It’s a feeling similar to grief, as melodramatic as that sounds.

I know this is daft, that I should try to enjoy life at home, but I just don’t. I can’t move here, it’s not possible. Maybe I can retire here for 6 months of the year, but that’s a long time away.

Does anyone else ever feel the same? I’ve been coming here since 1991, but for longer stints since 2008. So this isn’t just a Disney bubble thing, I couldn’t give two hoots about Disney. I spend every spare penny coming here, saving like mad and going without, because I don’t see the point in spending on stuff in the UK.

Just posting because I feel so sad and wondered if this was normal and if anyone else ever feels like this about their chose holiday destination?

I totally get you OP. We have 3-4 holidays abroad a year. In the sun, blue skies, crystal blue sea. Easy going living in simple swimwear and shorts and t shirts. Clothes I wear on holiday, which are acceptable to stroll into a bar with type of thing, I wouldn't dream of ever wearing in my town/uk, ever. I LONG for this 24/7. Everything seems much slower abroad. You can eat outside most of the time, bars close when the last person leaves, food and drink is cheaper (thinking Spain here). The laws are much more relaxed. I can't park anywhere near my local town centre shops without paying for it. All the free places to park now have double yellow lines.
The UK is too fast paced. Too many rules and regulations. Grey. Cold a lot. Too many people wanting to do/ go to the same places at the same time. Lord help us if there is a sunny bank holiday weekend in the UK. The supermarket shelves are stripped of bbq food by 10am, the motorways are jammed with queues for people getting away, the beaches are rammed and you'll never get parked at the seaside unless you're there at stupid o'clock. Utter hell.

You're constrained by work obligations in the UK and maybe visa limitations in the US so it's not viable to live there full time. Do you own a holiday home there?

Well, it's great if you've found your happy place but you may be romanticising Florida a bit and demonising the UK a lot. I think you need to find a way of balancing this out in your mind because this is polarised, obsessive thinking. Make the most of what's good about being wherever you are.

Weather and importantly quality of light can have a strong effect on well being. If that and preferred lifestyle and outdoor activities are hampered by UK climate then consider other countries which have this to offer plus a chance to work.

You make a very good point about rules and regulations in the UK. As well as the whole country jumping on a sunny BH weekend with everywhere being unbearably busy as people try to make the most of good weather before it turns to shit again.

Though I love the UK, the above is undeniably a negative aspect of living here.

Honestly this is a shit way to live life and have a marriage. Neither of you are happy apart from a few weeks a year. Outside of that you're just working to pay for the next trip. You spend your free time thinking about your trips and trying not to think about your trips and not talking about it incase it upsets the other person.

Is this really what you want for the next 20 years? I'd do everything I could to emigrate if I felt so much hate for where I lived and my life.

I came on here to say just that 😂

OP seriously you need to look into the possibility of doing a stint abroad for a while. Life is quite short 😀so you’ve absolutely got to make the most of it and experience living abroad where you love, if you can possibly make it work.

Life is too short. Don’t waste so much of yours pining to be somewhere else. Find somewhere that suits you better (that might not mean Florida) and go for it.

Btw OP you are definitely not too old! I lived in Australia for a while and there were loads of people who had emigrated and started a new life at all ages.

Where do you like to go in Florida?

I always feel really low coming back from a holiday too OP, so in that way YANBU. However, I do think if you are going to change things, you need to make some changes to your mindset. It seems that you've convinced yourself that FL = great and the best life and UK = shit and less-than. While the weather in FL is definitely more sunny (and in the summer, much more humid - personally I would hate it!), it really helps if you count your blessings and look at things to be happy/grateful about in your day-to-day life.

If you have convinced yourself that life in the UK will never make you happy, then that will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. But if you want to be happier in general, and not living 47 weeks of the year on hold, just day-dreaming about those 5 weeks when you get to be elsewhere, I suggest you start to compile a list of the things you have to be grateful for, because I promise you that however bad you think things are now, they could be a hell of a lot worse.

So write a list and include everything. A few examples might be:

• your health
• your loved ones' health
• a warm, safe home to call your own
• living in a democracy where you have a vote
• healthcare that's free at the point of access (not available in FL!)
• a job that allows you to save for luxuries like holidays
• the wonderful people in your life (DP, DC, wider family, friends)
• your pets (if you have any)
• your garden (if you have one you love)
• etc.

Chances are, you'll have many things to be grateful for.

I don't think you should rule out the idea of emigrating somewhere sunnier if you have skills that would travel and if you're sure that you will be happy LIVING in Florida and will not just become dissatisfied and start pining for somewhere else. The US economy is motoring and the economic gap between the US and UK is probably going to grow, going forward. It's getting very very expensive to travel to the US, so if you absolutely love the lifestyle...

This thread has me longing to move abroad, even more than I usually think about it.

(I do live outside the UK now, probably for life, and I have to admit that the UK weather is a big factor which puts me off coming back, although no country has perfect weather - sunny countries often become unbearably hot!)

Haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if it’s been mentioned before, but do you suffer from Seasonal Affective DisOrder ( ironically, seeing your title, abbreviated to S.A.D.). It could be a reason why you feel so down during winter months.

Teaching at international schools in non-English speaking countries is a growing opportunity. You do however need to be ready to function in another country with a different language, and make hard decisions about what to do with your own kids' schooling. No such thing as a free lunch. I live outside the UK and prefer it, but it involves hard work, difficult choices, and the challenges that are associated with having all your relatives in a different country. Look into emigration, but do so with your eyes open!

Two things - 1) I think you might be depressed, please speak to your GP when you’re back home as it’s not natural to be this low most of the year 2) could you do online tutoring? A couple of friends make a living at this. Or if it’s something like classics that you teach there must be some schools where it’s taught?

I get it because I have a similar 'home' where we spent 6/8 weeks every summer for many years until I was early 20s and had an inconvenient job. We still spend 2/3 weeks there every year (plus other trips in the year) and I always get very sad when I leave and imagine what my life would be like if I lived there full time.

But I also spent 6 months living and working in my favourite city in the world and where I always imagined working but the reality was very different. When you're working full time, you don't have time to enjoy the lifestyle that attracted you and lots of things annoy you that you can just ignore when you're there on holiday.

Ultimately, the thing that makes a difference is I have a fulfilling life here in the UK. My friends are here, my family is here, my career is here (all of which I love).

the motorways are jammed with queues for people getting away, the beaches are rammed and you'll never get parked at the seaside unless you're there at stupid o'clock

I can't park anywhere near my local town centre shops without paying for it. All the free places to park now have double yellow lines.

Too many rules and regulations.

Florida is exactly the same...

I spent 3 weeks on holiday in Egypt last year.Was absolutely gutted to come home even toyed with the idea of learning Arabic.
When I went on my first holiday abroad I had fantasies about living there too in fact probably every holiday abroad I think this!

Your situation sounds very extreme though and I think if you're not going to seriously look into emigrating to Florida then get a grip and just enjoy it for the holiday destination it is

You have posted about this before so it is obvisouly an ongoing problem for a while.

But if you have been going and loving it in Florida since 1991 why haven’t you actually done anything about it and moved? You weren’t in you 40s the entire time, so what was the excuse then? If you really wanted to emigrate you would have been able to do so.

What are you actually doing to resolve the issue? Have you done anything proactive about this? It is not healthy to live for a few months of the year and be miserable / not allow yourself to enjoy normal life. Have you considered counselling?

I had this once, to the point where I stressed myself into stomach cramps that stopped me from going out on the last night of the holiday. It wasn’t really about wanting a whole new life in the tropics, it was about how hugely stressed and unhappy I was at work. Is there something in your life that you need to change, OP?

Honestly OP, Life is waaaay too short to feel like that. If at all possible, everyone needs to find a way to be happy day to day rather than live for holidays.

You need to emigrate! I am not English but where I am from, emigration has always been common - I find that people from England don't seem to consider it as much. And why would you be too old?!

I've lived abroad a lot - I am a teacher. It is absolutely possible to do this in Florida but the pay is bad so I would look at an alternative. Although you could look into International Schools. Search associates is the best website for this. And yes, of course things are different on holidays than day to day living but once you have a good work, life balance, you can enjoy your evenings and weekends so much!

I am unsure about a visa for Australia but look into it as the lifestyle would suit you so well.

Or the UAE - it does not have to be the naff bubble that people speak about. You can do so much outdoorsy stuff and spend all your weekends on a beach. There are so many emirates, not just Dubai. Or Singapore...Vietnam... the options are endless.

Teaching is badly paid in Europe but then the cost of living is lower. And again, International Schools are an option. Get on Search Associates. Life is too short to be feeling as you are!

There are lots of job starts for after Xmas, just saying!

The US economy is motoring and the economic gap between the US and UK is probably going to grow, going forward.

This is seldom acknowledged but very, very true. If you want to have more leisure time without scrimping all year, OP, it really might be worth making the move.

If I had 4-5 weeks off in a block I would be happy to be in Rochdale!

I really want to retire!

I’ve lived in 4 other countries. What I miss is the sun ( and aircon), and the way of life. We worked hard, but out of work we were always out; with friends, down the beach, pool, lunch, dinner, BBQ’s, days out, weekends away and holidays. Everyone was happier. Some things cost more, but generally it was cheaper.

Here, everyone is miserable, stressed and broke. There are a lot of social issues. The news is depressing. That said, when you live overseas you don’t absorb the news as much as you don’t have a deep connection with the place. It’s happening to them, not you.

I think what you crave is the lifestyle. I went to California recently and I’m gutted I don’t live there. If I’d visited in my 20’s I’d have moved hell and high water to live there.

What you crave, you can get elsewhere like Spain, Portugal, Greece or Italy. I used to live in Spain and I’d move there again if I could. I’m working on my DH.

Sorry to be blunt. As long as you criticise the UK you will dislike it. So change your mindset or move to Florida.