Desperately sad about holiday ending

[Jackolanterny]

We spend summers abroad, usually away for 4-5 weeks.

I love the climate here, the nature, the space, the vivid colours, the water. I love everything about life here.It’s Florida.

I don’t want to come home. I have about two days left and already feel the holiday blues creeping in and the anxiety about returning to the UK. I hate the weather at home. I hate the pace. I hate the greyness and bleakness of everyday. If you told me I could never step foot in the UK again, I wouldn’t be worried at all.

I was made for this place and wish I could just live here. I will cry my eyes out coming home as usual and will pine to come back, thinking of not much else. It’s a feeling similar to grief, as melodramatic as that sounds.

I know this is daft, that I should try to enjoy life at home, but I just don’t. I can’t move here, it’s not possible. Maybe I can retire here for 6 months of the year, but that’s a long time away.

Does anyone else ever feel the same? I’ve been coming here since 1991, but for longer stints since 2008. So this isn’t just a Disney bubble thing, I couldn’t give two hoots about Disney. I spend every spare penny coming here, saving like mad and going without, because I don’t see the point in spending on stuff in the UK.

Just posting because I feel so sad and wondered if this was normal and if anyone else ever feels like this about their chose holiday destination?

Thank you. This gives me some food for thought.

Thank you. I will look into a light box. I have heard of them, but I doubted they would work.

I definitely feed my grief by allowing myself to mourn for and pine for Florida when I am home and everything gets compared to Fl.

So for example, I might go for a walk in a UK nature preserve, but my thoughts will be ‘I miss the Spanish moss’, ‘the birds and butterflies are less interesting’, ‘I would prefer to be doing this in the sun’. And then naturally I come to the conclusion that Florida is better, so what’s the point.

I know I need to stop this, but I feel
so overcome by my emotions, that it’s difficult to think rationally and when I remind myself how lucky I am…I will then think, well, I’m not as lucky as the people who get to live here. It’s a real pity party, that goes on for months and months.

What a waste. I do need to do something about this, whatever it might be.

Thanks all. Surprisingly this thread has helped. I’m off to bed now, as I want to be up bright and early to enjoy the day.

Thank you again and I will reread this thread when I get back to the UK, in the hope it spurrs me on to make some sort of change.

It's not just you. I'm off somewhere hot at the end of the week. When I get back it's just miserable until March as far as I'm concerned. I hate autumn and winter in the UK. And cosy and all that stuff can fuck off.

Light boxes 100% work if you’ve got SAD as PP a few mins a day in morning might transform how you feel in winter. I’d also seriously look into other options to emigrate, Southern Europe or Oz. It sounds like this dominates your life, so why not aim to make your life what you want rather than just waiting for holidays. Does your DH feel as strongly as you?

Agreed! Snuggles on the sofa, hot chocolate, crisp mornings, electric blankets and soups and stews can do one 😂 I want a sunshine; a 72 degree, crystal clear spring, my kayak and a camera to take photos of alligator and the odd manatee. Now where can you get that in the sodding UK?

It does dominate and DH lives for Florida and the sunshine as much as I do. We have exactly the same interests in water activities for example. We try not to talk too much about it as we each worry we’ll stress the other out, or make them sad, but I know how he’s feeling. He’s quick enough to hand over the money when I find a way over here.

It's not that cold here these days

In the UK?

It’s grey, damp and miserably cold around 90% of the time. This year was awful until at least mid-May/June and then we had a few nice days.

I am at my happiest at 33 degrees, with the brightest sunshine you’ve ever seen, making everything so colourful. Throw in some humidity as well and I’m happy as Larry!

It really might be SAD, or could you be miserable about something in your life here in the UK that holidays offer relief from? You are, by the sounds of it, a teacher or academic. Both notoriously stressful. Would a career change help at all?

Maybe. I enjoy my job, but it is constant, and draining. I would love to go part time, but obviously cannot afford to when I have to pay for Florida. It feels like a bit of a trap.

And things are getting ever more expensive, threatening my vacation time, which is rather depressing. Ultimately everything is a means to an end these days and I work to live for those few weeks a year. It is very sad when I think about it.

I worry a lot, about the direction of the country…energy bills; pensions; retirement age etc. I don’t get a lot of work-life balance anyway, but then I feel that the government (all of them) would prefer it that way. I feel that we simply work, look after our homes and family; sort our recycling; and watch the news, which is also always just awful for the most part.

I just think the UK can be incredibly depressing and my anxieties above can also cause a lot of feelings of negativity. So there possibly is more going on as you say than just SAD and I have always suffered with OCD (intrusive thoughts not just germs), so I think I may also be prone to poor mental health under day to day stressors of real life.

My vacation is such an escape from all of the above, that it’s difficult to leave.

Ok so a few things. My dad felt like this about the U.K. He loves the summer but he used to feel very down with the cold and the darkness. He has asthma and it would always get worse in winter.
When they got to around 50 they bought a place in the Caribbean and spend the winter there. This was possible for them as they ran their own business. Is there any option for self employment there where you could be more flexible?

Secondly, we emigrated to Australia 17 years ago and it was the BEST decision. Yes, it doesn’t feel like a holiday every day, but today, in the midst of winter it’s 23 degrees and I have worked outside on my computer all morning. Honestly I do understand how the climate and long dark months have such an impact on mood and things to do.

You get ONE life. ONE. And then that’s it. Do you want to look back when you’re old and feel pleased that you wished your daily life away pining for your favourite place? Make it happen! There may be re training options, tutoring, universities. I know it’s hard to move to the US but it can’t be impossible. You are in charge of your life, make bold decisions, don’t have regrets. Good luck!

Thank you. ☺️

It sounds exhausting and relentless. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Can you think back to a time in your life when you felt that you had a balanced life? I was stressed at work a few years ago, I realised the last time I truly had balance in my life (relaxed in the evenings, enjoyed work-free weekends, gave myself permission to have fun and daydream on a daily basis) was when I was a school child. I changed job to a more 9-5 role and it was revelatory.

eta: I have also stopped listening to the news. I listen to the first three headlines of Radio 4 news at 6 on way home from work and then turn off. Anything that really matters will be in there. Anything else I’m happier not knowing.

Tbh OP you need to look more at your life in the UK and figure out whats wrong.
I spent two weeks in a glorious sunny destination this summer but it didn't alter the fact that i love and missed my home. I mean its my home? All my belongings, the spaces in my home that I've made my own, that familiarity of home. And no, my home isnt a massive perfect mansion.
If you don't feel that way, even a little bit, it suggests you aren't very happy, generally, in your home life, and i suspect it's about more than just the weather.
How is your relationship with your husband? Are you unhappy in your job? How are the family finances - are things stretched in a way that's become a burden?

You can't live the way you describe you are wishing away thd majority of your life for a bit of holiday. However other than weather the things you don't like about the way the UK is going are far harsher in the US so maybe its not the place for you.

We lived in the US for work reasons pre children and boy do you work. Very little protection and none of the safety nets you get in the UK.

You really need to look into that before contemplating moving there but it does sound like you are wasting your time living in the UK.

What is it about the UK you don't like? Is it mainly the weather? When I go away I love coming home, l like my home,I miss my parents who live round the corner fro me. I feel down about going back to work but I like my life here. I've been to florida once and I loved it, I would love to take my children there next year but I'd have to start saving now 😄 Try not to feel down and appreciate how lucky you are that you're able to go back so often and visit the place you love x

I totally get it as I have SAD and dread the autumn and winter. January-March is the worst for me. What's helped is finding a hobby outside and trying to spend as much time outside as I possibly can. I also have a light box. Still feel pretty low and trying to work out how I can save for some winter sun- would that be an option? Splitting the holiday? Ideally would move abroad like other posters have suggested this thread has got me thinking!

Have you ever been anywhere besides Florida. OP?
I’m in California. We have 3000 miles of coastline and it’s beautiful.
We have the Sierra Nevada mountains that are magnificent - the ancient Giant Sequoia trees that you can’t quite wrap your head around even though you’re standing right in front of them.
There’s Lake Tahoe and other beautiful vacation destinations I’m sure you’d find appealing.
So many beach destinations I couldn’t possibly choose one - but San Diego stands out.
Beautiful amazing wine country - can’t forget about that!
I hope the last of your vacay days are memorable. Safe trip home.

Except objectively it really isn't grey and cold 90 percent of the time anywhere in the UK. There are plenty of grey days, cold days, wet days (sometimes all three) but there are sunny days, dry days, beauty in every season if you look for it instead of applying exacting standards and dismissing everything that doesn't meet them. Winter is hard for everyone quite honestly, and it really doesn't help to whinge on and exaggerate the misery, dismissing pretty much everything that doesn't meet your 30 degree full sun threshold.

It sounds like you really love Florida and maybe you should make a long term plan to move there. But it also sounds like you really love being in holiday mode (like most people), and you have definitely conflated those two things together, which is a heady combination. You are really insanely lucky to be able to spend four weeks at a time away and still be looking at going again in six months time.

I think what I am saying is count your blessings and be grateful for what you do have. As a cautionary tale, my parents got seriously addicted to holiday mode and hot weather after their early retirement. They would go on month long cruises and tours to hot countries, where everything was laid out for them, delicious food, fabulous experiences and no domestic chores. Then they'd come home and bitch and moan about how shite it was at home and how they couldn't cope with the climate. But a lot of it was because they had to do their own cooking and cleaning instead of going between buffet and excursion coach. Not incidentally they both developed serious alcohol problems from all the free and cheap booze. Basically, they mistook holiday for real life and got spoilt. I'm not saying that's you, but if you genuinely can't move to Florida, you shouldn't let your dissatisfaction with where you do actually live grow too much.

It's pretty obvious if you spend all year scrimping for your long holiday then you're going to be miserable here and be looking forward to there.

If you can't move there maybe try moving somewhere else? Even in the UK. Take a year off from Florida and try to enjoy your real life instead of the artificial holiday bubble. Read all the weird "florida man" stories and be glad you're not there for a change.

I do think you should look into emigrating somewhere sunny. I have reverse SAD and, if the UK climate were reversed, I wouldn't cope. My sister is the opposite of me and emigrated to Australia as she can't stand UK weather.

I think I understand the feeling you have, albeit on a much smaller scale. It’s very hard to live with.

This might sound really daft, but can you look at various lighting and paint techniques and make your home or a part of it a reflection of the brightness you crave?

Can you look at other destinations on a similar latitude? PP suggested California. Perhaps that would give you your sunshine and nature without reinforcing the contrast with uk weather which seems deeply emotional for you.

Also you haven’t said whereabouts you are in the uk. Could you take short breaks through the school year to milder areas eg further south?

I would really knock Florida on the head until you have got to the bottom of all your issues at home. If ALL your disposable income is going on your holidays and you are living a frugal life at home it’s unsurprising you feel so depressed to return. Either make plans to live there permanently or just stop going and start focusing on what will make you happy in the UK. It’s not healthy to work to live for a couple of holidays a year.