Desperately sad about holiday ending

[Jackolanterny]

We spend summers abroad, usually away for 4-5 weeks.

I love the climate here, the nature, the space, the vivid colours, the water. I love everything about life here.It’s Florida.

I don’t want to come home. I have about two days left and already feel the holiday blues creeping in and the anxiety about returning to the UK. I hate the weather at home. I hate the pace. I hate the greyness and bleakness of everyday. If you told me I could never step foot in the UK again, I wouldn’t be worried at all.

I was made for this place and wish I could just live here. I will cry my eyes out coming home as usual and will pine to come back, thinking of not much else. It’s a feeling similar to grief, as melodramatic as that sounds.

I know this is daft, that I should try to enjoy life at home, but I just don’t. I can’t move here, it’s not possible. Maybe I can retire here for 6 months of the year, but that’s a long time away.

Does anyone else ever feel the same? I’ve been coming here since 1991, but for longer stints since 2008. So this isn’t just a Disney bubble thing, I couldn’t give two hoots about Disney. I spend every spare penny coming here, saving like mad and going without, because I don’t see the point in spending on stuff in the UK.

Just posting because I feel so sad and wondered if this was normal and if anyone else ever feels like this about their chose holiday destination?

This is a really good point.

OP, you're not just comparing the UK to Florida.

You're comparing the UK all year round excluding August, when you're working, stressed and have no other holidays, not doing fun things because you're scrimping and saving every penny for your annual month long blow out in Florida, to Florida for one month of the year when you're completely carefree.

Of course it's difficult for the UK to compete with that.

But it's not real life.

As others have said, you probably wouldn't feel the same way about Florida if you lived there and had to work there, only got a small amount of paid time off each year, were paying through the nose for health insurance, had to concern yourself with the property market and boring shit like visas and taxes and so on. But also, you might feel differently about the UK if you actually allowed yourself to do some nice things at home, rather than treating 11 months of the year as something to endure in order for you to have your time in Florida.

This doesn't seem like a healthy way to live.

“I’ve been coming here since 1991, but for longer stints since 2008. So this isn’t just a Disney bubble thing, I couldn’t give two hoots about Disney. I spend every spare penny coming here, saving like mad and going without, because I don’t see the point in spending on stuff in the UK.”

But a bubble is what you have created. No wonder it feels magical. You are actively choosing not to have a good time in the UK in order that you can splurge all your enjoyment into that time in Florida.

It sounds like you have fallen into a pattern of extremes and now you’re in a rut and can’t see a way out. Obviously, I don’t know your situation, or how likely it is you might be able to move, but if doing so isn’t an option, have you considered changing your holiday pattern to something that is less extreme?

There are beautiful places in southern Europe where the weather is consistently better than the UK. There are places like Gran Canaria, which can be visited even in winter. Might it work for you to have two or three shorter holidays, instead of one big one? Then you wouldn’t be looking at 11months before it was time to escape to the sun, but something much more manageable.

Lots of people who live in Norway take a holiday in February to somewhere bright and sunny as it gives them something to look forward to during those dark months. I realise your current holiday feels like a light shining in the darkness, but it sounds like it’s causing a lack of balance in your life.

Then again, maybe when you get home, it won’t seem so bad as it does now, when it’s all about to end. Those feelings are natural, when you’ve looked forward to something so much, and then it’s almost over. I hope you can manage to enjoy the last couple of days anyway and I wish you well.

I agree. My son is currently in Florida, working, does it every year and knows it quite well. He will be back in about a month, prefers being at home.

We are just coming to the end of a heatwave in England. I must say I enjoy seasonal variety.

England is great, it's good to travel but is equally good to come home. It's nice here, comfortable. We have our problems, currently economic, and we've recently had riots in some areas but that happens in all countries and we eventually recover. I am in my seventies and have lived through quite a few recessions and riots, these things don't last forever.

Surely if you really want to live in Florida, you could or could try. I think you would get fed up with it after a while though, it's not all about sunshine.

That's very kind and well thought out.

I'm afraid my thoughts were much less charitable. ie Get.A.Grip and appreciate the fact you've just had a month's holiday🙄

At the moment you put all your money and energy into planning your extended trips to Florida which means you ‘go without’ in the UK? Can you see where you might be going wrong here?

The UK has some of the best (if not the best) coastline, countryside, museums, galleries, music and theatre in the world. If you are not taking advantage of this then you are likely to feel disenchanted and depressed. Don’t spend the whole of your summer (and all your money) in Florida - you are missing the beauty of the UK at a time when the weather is generally good! Invest in your day to day life by doing things that bring you joy - meeting up with friends, seeing new places, taking up new hobbies. Do something different every week and you will notice your attitude shift. Invest in your day to day life not only your holidays.

I feel bad writing this but I do think you need to get hold of yourself and think of how lucky you are you get go do this every year. Instead of thinking how you should be there could you not change your thinking that you’re lucky you get to go so fast often?

There’ll be many people reading this thread who think like you but Florida would be a dream, an unattainable dream to them due to their own life and difficulties.

I would also wonder if you’re a grass is always greener person that you’ll only be happy when… Would you live in Florida and find it doesn’t transform you into this happy person you think you’ll be?

OP did you post a while back about a wedding issue/wedding clashing with your Florida trip?
Or just wondering if maybe you're not the only one who feels this strongly about Florida!

I hear you OP. I feel similar and I am frequently planning holidays; partially is being holidays but it is also the UK weather and suffering from SAD. I bought a Lumina SAD lamp which help but it is not the same to waking up to a blue sky.

The rest of the family is not affected by the UK weather as me; our jobs are in the UK and the are kids growing up there so it is their home so I try to make the most of it; but I do feel depressed going back to the UK after every holiday but try to focus on the positives.

Did you process any of the practical things that poster said?

I couldn’t imagine going back to the same exact place every holiday for 33 years. Maybe the obsession is feeding your anxiety.

Would you try holidaying somewhere else? See if that doesn’t diminish the enjoyment but does diminish the ‘blues’?

This sounds like there's way more to it than just holiday sadness. Have you ever considered something like counselling to see if you can identify (and hopefully resolve) where some of the unhappiness is coming from? It feels to me (from my arm chair psychology pov!) that you're trying to escape more than just the weather.

Yes, I was thinking that, this has to be the same person.

I get holiday blues very badly. What works for me is to immediately have something else to look forward to.

We only go abroad for a week each year. We went to Greece the first week of the school holidays and it was awful coming back. So when we did I booked an impulse long weekend at Butlins. (We just got back from that). I know it is not everyone's cup of tea, but we had never been before and with 2 Dcs one of whom is disabled it fit the bill for us.

Got back yesterday and now I am planning a Christmas trip to Northumberland which is my favourite part of the UK. The beaches there are incredible.

I know you scrimp and save all year for Florida. I'd seriously think about a quick trip around Christmas time to plan for. City break in Europe if you can't find somewhere in the UK you might wish to visit. That's what works for me, anyway.

@Jackolanterny

It sounds like you just weren’t made for the UK climate and that’s ok.

You work in education - as a teacher?

Are you aware that there are a group of British schools in America that only hire UK teachers and sponsor visas? There isn’t one in Florida, but there is one in North Carolina, which is close enough.

Some US states are also so short of teachers that they sponsor visas for foreign teachers and there are schemes to being UK teachers to the US. This is particularly relevant to southern states actually, as they really struggle to recruit.

There is a whole world of international school teaching out there. I have friends who teach all over the world. Many of them are on fantastic packages in amazing places.

Rather than spend your life being miserable, be proactive about making a positive change. Do some research and get applying for jobs abroad. The international job hunt starts in November/December and there are job fairs aplenty and really good recruitment agencies specifically for international teaching that you can join and they guide you through the whole process. As you and your husband are both in teaching, this is a bonus - schools love teaching couples as they are cheaper (you often get housing provided). They will also often educate your children for free.

Who knows where you might be this time next year? It might not be Florida, but it might be a place you’ll love just as much, where you can do all the things you love in a climate that’s much more suited to your interests. If you can get to the US but not Florida, once you’ve been on a work visa for five years you can start the process to become a permanent resident. Once you’re a permanent resident you can work and live wherever you like.

Honestly I don’t know what you’re waiting for! If you’re that miserable you have a world of options open to you - education is one of the most internationally portable jobs there is!

It won’t help that you’re missing any decent UK summer weather and only getting the worst of the weather, while associating decent weather with Florida. Could you go to Florida over Christmas holidays (if school holidays are an issue) and again over Easter instead abd have the summer in the UK? Basically missing more of the crappiest UK weather. And enjoying the UK summer a bit more

I live in a hot sunny tourist county, people dream to come here on holiday and love their time here and say how lucky we are to live/work here......but.

Its either hot and humid/dry or hot humid/wet (monsoon wet) and then all the problems that go with that, clothes shoes bags spoilt due to humidity, chest infections due to air con, lack of produce on and on and on. Those here on holiday dont have to deal with all the day to day things, same as you do at home in the UK.

Being on holiday is being in a' bubble', no responsibilities, no worries about paying bills or if your car will start or the bus will come to get you to work or the shops, thats just life unless of course your mega rich and have others to take the responsibility from you for looking after you in that 'bubble'.

Thats why it always good if you can to have something to focus on in your own everyday life, yes its boring, yes it can be drudgery, yes stuff has to be done, cooking washing ironing cleaning etc. but thats real life, holidays are not.

I am coming back to UK in a few weeks and I cannot wait for the cool, crisp Autumn and then Christmas, and yes the cold dark nights, the food, choice in supermarkets, decorations, booked shows things to do, then back after to my 'normal' life in the heat and humidity, but for now thats my life and I make the best of it.

Like the above poster, I am rather GAG and be thankful for what you have and not what you have not.

And me. It was clear from that thread that the obsession with always spending the entire summer in the same place was interfering with OP's family life. I take it from the 4-5 weeks referenced in this OP you did indeed skip a big family occasion for your regular holiday. Can't imagine that's been without some reasonable resentment and concern from your wider family.

I agree with others as well that if you spend your entire time in the UK saving every penny and pining then of course you're not going to enjoy your ordinary life. You've decided as a child that Florida is the only place you're happy and now do everything to perpetuate that belief without actually finding out if it's true.

Apart from a one-off to Mallorca during Covid, when Florida was closed to us (that was the most awful time in my life).

I’ve read all the OP posts now. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so obsessed with a place that they let it dictate and ruin every other aspect of their lives. And slightly shocked that that place is Florida.

I wish we could make it a small bit easier for you the rest of the year by ending the practice of putting the clocks back in winter.

OP, but you haven’t always been mid-40s — if you’ve been this obsessed with Florida since the 1990s, your DH agrees with you, and you don’t mention dependent children, why haven’t you seriously considered trying to live there long before now? I’m going to assume you know that living there would not be the same as holidaying.

I was thinking that. Seems a strange time to go as you are missing the warmer weather here. Surely it would make more sense to go for a couple of shorter spells over our winter?
Personally 33 degree weather constantly is a horrendous thought but each to their own

Australia? If you're a teacher it's fairly easy to get in.

I can't even swim lol, but I love mountains 😊

This is a curve ball and I'm sure not a feasible one - but - you could move to the travel industry? I worked as cabin crew for a very long time. Not only do you get to fly to the likes of Orlando and Miami etc very often if you bid for those trips, you can get heavily discounted flights so you can go more often.

I'm not sure where in the UK you are but BA and Virgin would be your best bet (maybe Norse from LGW not sure). In many of these airlines you can bid for certain destinations.

I'm biased but it is the best job in the world. It may not be for everyone but my gosh I had a fabulous life and never ever suffered from SAD etc - the world felt like a very small and accessible place. I can't do it any longer because of young kids but I sincerely hope to go back to it as it's an itch I need to scratch - weather and being at home all the time affects me badly now.

Agree with the other posters - it’s likely that you are seeing things through rose coloured glasses and reality is very different.
My Aunt has lived in Florida for over 30 years now and has dual citizenship. The reality of living there is very different from what you are thinking.
Enjoy the rest of your hols op.

I feel exactly the same. Just returned from 2 weeks in southern Europe and my sleep is poorer, my hrv is down and my heart rate is up. I think my body is make for the sun and heat. I think breaking holidays up so you do more short ones helps a bit plus the weather in the UK at the moment is pretty sunny which is helping. Not looking forward to winter though.

That feeling is v common. I hope you enjoy the last few days of your holiday. You’re very blessed to have a holiday and such a long one!

I agree living somewhere is very different to spending holidays. I used to live in southern Spain in a coastal town. But because family life was so hectic, with all the chores that needed doing and work, we only used to go to the beach on Sundays. Otherwise, it was the usual round of rushing to get to school on time, shopping, cleaning, laundry etc. Also, the winters could be pretty grey.

Do you spend enough time outside in the UK? For example, do you go for a walk every day. Do you have outside space at home? The English countryside is so beautiful. We spend a lot of our time outdoors even in winter, including in the back yard, and it makes such a difference to your mood. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. In the winter in UK, the key is getting out early to make the most of the daylight. We even have Xmas dinner in the evening, so we can have a nice walk early afternoon before it gets dark.