Desperately sad about holiday ending

[Jackolanterny]

We spend summers abroad, usually away for 4-5 weeks.

I love the climate here, the nature, the space, the vivid colours, the water. I love everything about life here.It’s Florida.

I don’t want to come home. I have about two days left and already feel the holiday blues creeping in and the anxiety about returning to the UK. I hate the weather at home. I hate the pace. I hate the greyness and bleakness of everyday. If you told me I could never step foot in the UK again, I wouldn’t be worried at all.

I was made for this place and wish I could just live here. I will cry my eyes out coming home as usual and will pine to come back, thinking of not much else. It’s a feeling similar to grief, as melodramatic as that sounds.

I know this is daft, that I should try to enjoy life at home, but I just don’t. I can’t move here, it’s not possible. Maybe I can retire here for 6 months of the year, but that’s a long time away.

Does anyone else ever feel the same? I’ve been coming here since 1991, but for longer stints since 2008. So this isn’t just a Disney bubble thing, I couldn’t give two hoots about Disney. I spend every spare penny coming here, saving like mad and going without, because I don’t see the point in spending on stuff in the UK.

Just posting because I feel so sad and wondered if this was normal and if anyone else ever feels like this about their chose holiday destination?

Those saying the UK isn't 90% grey presumably live in the South East or similar. I'm in Wales and can assure you that it is wet and windy far more often than not. We've been having milder weather overall in terms of temperature, but even when it's slightly warmer the cloud persists. If OP lives in a similar climate I can absolutely see how that would get her down.

I think it's a bit depressing just going to Florida every single holiday.

There are so many beautiful places to visit, with just as good weather and way more culture, better food, beautiful buildings etc. Maybe the way to get over your obsession would be to add some variety to your life.

What an interesting thread and thoughtful responses.

I love travel and have several holidays a year, probably spending about 7 weeks of the year outside the UK. But for me, this makes me love the UK more (in particular London, where I live). Yes, the weather is shite but we have so much going for us!

At the risk of sounding contradictory, I am in the process of moving to the US for work, and while I am excited, I already know I am going to miss London like crazy. I think on the main reasons is that I actually make the most of living here and make sure day to day life is interesting and joyful, not just the few weeks a year I’m on holiday.

OP, you need to start diverting some of the Florida fund to having fun in the UK. It makes zero sense to go without / feel miserable for 47 weeks of the year to get 5 weeks of happiness in Florida.

People have been very kind to OP but I actually think this obsession is really unhealthy and I wonder what her DHs thoughts on the situation are. OP may benefit from a trip to the GP or some therapy.

It’s not so much the SAD and hatred of uk weather, plenty of people are in that boat. It’s the refusal to find ways to enjoy life outside of Florida and pine for that particular place to such an intense degree it is taking over your life.

If it was just SAD, you could consider moving to other locations or taking more regular European holidays but this is something else.

I think you need counselling as this is way over the top and very unhealthy- you are wasting your life. And why Florida? There are loads of lovely places, why not start exploring them? And why do you go in the summer? You could have a couple of weeks in Christmas and Easter to break up the winter and be in England for the summer.

Reading your other comments I think you should definitely look at immigration options or at least some therapy.

OP, years ago (around 1999) a couple of friends who were teachers in the UK did a ‘swap’ with a teaching couple from Australia for a year. I’m not sure what the scheme was, but I think they swapped houses and jobs. There might be similar schemes available now?

A group of us visited them and it was amazing. Weather was beautiful and we did a coast road drive from Adelaide to Melbourne, for the Melbourne Cup (and my horse, Rogan Josh, won the cup!)

Helpful, not… 🙄

I think this is related to your OCD. There's a ritual aspect, a lot of anxiety, the sense that things won't be "right" until Florida....I would speak to a psychologist.

It’s my first day back to work today and I’m dreading it 😢 I’ve only got one long weekend off until Christmas. I love Florida too so I know the feeling. We went last year and we’re going for three weeks next year. Honestly, it can’t come soon enough.

'In your mid 40s' is plenty early enough to consider moving/working overseas.
(Although I hink the cutoff for some Aus visas is 45?)
If you are a British-trained, experienced teaching couple you are very much in demand internationally. Even if your end goal is getting a place in, Florida, you could work internationally for a few years to fund this (2x tax free salaries+ free accomodation enable very fast saving!).
If you choose somewhere like Thailand, you get a lower salary (but lower costs)and its obv very beautiful and great for leisure. The Gulf states offer big bucks and are tax free but offer different lifestyle choices (Saudi - fastest cash, Dubai - big city bling, Oman - AMAZING diving, beaches, hillwalking, laid back people)

....I left the UK to teach in my early 40s and didn't regret it for a second. I'm temporarily back in the UK. The weather is so depressing - as are the costs, the general state of disrepair, the horror of trying to navigate the NHS....

I got back 2 weeks ago and still feel depressed 😔 I loved it so much. No hassle of work and the usual routine - bliss.

This too shall pass OP! (We hope) …….

Trust me, you do not want to do this. It will be dark until 9am in December.

I think the obsessive ruminating over the place after you've left is really making it worse for you, OP. If you need a replacement watch, try Martijn Doolaard's channel, he's been renovating a stone cabin in the Italian Alps for the past few years and the videos are entrancing. https://www.youtube.com/c/MartijnDoolaard

It's a completely different environment to the Florida Keys and may well be a tonic for you. There is so much beauty in the world, and it takes on many forms. :)

It’s been a beautiful summer in my part of U.K. shame you’re coming back as seasons are about to change. I also appreciate living in the U.K. and wild horses wouldn’t get me to give in the US. But you must do what you feel is right for you.

Personally I think you need a reality check.

A lot of families can't afford a weekend in Blackpool let alone the summer in Florida m. Many pensioners are sat worrying about how they're going to get through the winter with the cut in their winter fuel allowance and the increase in energy bills.

Be grateful for what you have and try enjoying your very privileged life that allows you to spend your summer somewhere you like. An awful lot of people would love to be in your position

Firstly, emigrating in your 40s is 100% possible. I did it in my 50s (to Europe) and I'll never go back. I'm so much happier.
Secondly, take a look at Northern Queensland in Australia. Sound like Cairns would be ideal. I think your professional qualifications might be more transferable to Australia and than the US. There are visa priority schemes to people who want to live and work in regional areas.
You could also look into job swap sabbaticals. That's definitely a thing is Aus teaching.

I think we all have places in the world we really love. It’s a healthy type longing.

But you have somehow managed to divide your life into two very separate extremes.
The joyful extreme, Florida, has become an addiction, which makes the misery when you can’t get it, much worse than the normal end of holiday blues.

So caught up in this addiction are you, that you can’t spend time looking forward to it before you go and you can’t even be happy thinking fondly of it when you get back.
And you are completely prevented from appreciating other aspects of life and of the UK.
You are only happy when you are there. It’s completely black and white.
Even the joy of being there is being eroded, as your last few days there are grey and miserable, full of dread, when you have to start weaning yourself off it.
The longer you spend there, the earlier you will start the dread of being without it.
Your life away from the drug of Florida is a life only half lived.
And you are spending your energy always trying to mask and hide your addiction.
That is a very poor quality of life OP.
Florida has become a drug and you are unable to wean yourself off it.

What if you couldn’t go for some reason. Poor-health, a pandemic, war, a natural disaster, a personal family crisis, political unrest, lack of finances ?
(I quite like Florida too but my fear, is that one massive wave caused by global warming could wash it away.)

You (and your family) can not continue to live this unhealthy life of addiction. You are unable to get a grip on it by yourself.
So it’s good you realise you need professional help with this.

Oh @Jackolanterny totally get this. We used to spend long holidays overseas with family and the dread of leaving somewhere beloved was real. As was saying goodbye to the weather (I know some people love the drizzle and never ending grey of the UK, but I struggle without some form of sun for at least part of the year).

In the olden days people when people didn't travel as much and there wasn't as much diversity around us, they used to talk about the transition from one place to another as a culture shock. I find it helpful to frame it as that, as although superficially the US/UK can look similar on the surface, in reality they are very different. And if you spend anything over a fortnight somewhere you start to settle into its rhythms and norms. However, the reason I find framing it as a culture shock useful is that it passes. It is a moment in time. And eventually we start to see the loveliness of where we are in the moment, rather than hankering back to the other place.

It is worth a try. And if you can refrain it in your own mind it will help you settle back home.

Edited to add: SAD is real. Light box works for many. I personally found vitamin D supplements throughout the winter worked more effectively for mine. My cousin found short, regular stints on a sunbed better for her (bery carefully managed due to potential UV damage). It is a bit of trial and error.

I was wondering this. It's sounds like you never go anywhere else. The world is a big, beautiful place. I couldn’t even imagine going back to the same place for every, single holiday. The way you speak about Fl is obsessive, abnormally so. It's normal to feel sad a holiday is ending but not to that extent and not to the detriment of your day to day life. Is there something else going on MH wise?

SAD is 100% real. Every winter there is a thread on here started by one of us who struggle massively with the decreasing hours of daylight. It starts when most schools go back at the beginning of September and ramps up a lot when the clocks go back in October. A light box definitely helps, you don't need to sit and stare at it, just have it near you as you study or watch TV. Plus high dose Vit D.

Is there any possibility of moving out there OP? Life is short.

Totally, totally get it. I'm
also a teacher in a subject not easily transferable, don't enjoy it, and this time of the year when the first day of term is looming has a real Sunday evening feel to it. I'd desperately love to move even out to the English coast but it isn't possible but ideally yes, somewhere warm and sunny.

The melancholy when I look out of the window and it's getting dark at 8 and knowing that its downhill from here until about April is real. I loathe the cold and the rain like a cat! I'm definitely going to try and book a break somewhere sunny in February to try and have something to look forward to.

Is there any way you could transfer your qualifications into something that would be accepted by the American ed system?

I think for starters you are confusing what its like being on holiday somewhere (often lovely) compared to living there all year. If you save your money all year for your summer break there, its not a lifestyle you could live all round. Not to mention while you are there you aren't working so some of what you are probably enjoying is lack of stress and extra leisure time.

Then it sounds like you have put all your energy and resources into making your holiday fabulous and have neglected making your home life something you enjoy. This is the really crucial mistake. You can't make your holiday into real life, it doesn't work that way. You need to take your real life and make changes to be happier with it. You aren't being fair comparing 4 or 5 weeks of Florida summer weather to UK autumn/winter. We had a two week beach holiday in cornwall and it was glorious, clear blue skies, gorgeous beaches etc. You need to improve your life back in the UK or move somewhere that suits you better, but don't expect life to be like one long holiday just because you live somewhere warm.

If this is as severe as you are describing, I truly don’t think you are helping yourself by going back the way you are.

You are spending the ‘best’ time of the year in Florida - you have long summer holidays working in education.

This means you are also missing the best time to be in the UK or Europe.

You aren’t giving yourself a chance to make happy and sunny memories anywhere else. So your ‘only’ happy memories are your time in Florida, which perpetuates the cycle.

This truly isn’t normal behaviour and you need to look at what’s driving the behaviour rather than rushing to Florida at every opportunity.

It sounds as though you’re using it as a crutch vs all that’s wrong in the ‘real’ world.

I love Florida, have been visiting even longer than you. I have noticed the longer we stay, the harder it is to leave. It also depleted funds to do more away from Florida across the rest of the year. You are perpetuating the negative cycle by going for so long -you believe it’s what you need, but if it was, it would energise, calm and revive you (yes you’d be sad to leave but it would pass) - it appears to be doing the opposite.

Crying over videos etc is ridiculous and is symbolic of a bigger issue - again this makes sense for people who save for years for one holiday of a lifetime, have it and know they can never repeat it. Not when you know you’re going again in a few months.

You need to figure out the why and deal with that - moving to Florida isn’t the answer as that’s not actually the root cause. The Florida you would live in, even if it was possible, would bear no resemblance to the holiday Florida that you know and love.