How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

Of course you can do those things. Watch tv, listen to the radio etc - just check on your baby now and again during his 2/3 hr nap periods.

You seem to have the common sense answers before you ask the health ‘professionals’ advice. Use your gut instinct and you’ll do great!😊

Do you have any evidence that a baby can hear a mum breathing while asleep if lets say they are in a really big room and there are roadworks outside or it is jusst something you overheard over the fence and repeated?
Sorry but this is just another way to guilt trip mums not not use the toilet or make a cup of tea if they need it.

Oh my goodness this is truly insane. you poor lady, I can tell you do have good common sense or else you wouldn't be questioning how insane it sounds to literally not leave an enclosed room without your baby for 1 second for 6 months solid?!?! Absolute madness. if the baby falls asleep in a moses (following safe sleep rules OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE) ie no loose bedding, dressed appropriately for the room temp, placed feet to end of the moses and on babys back ect and no pets in the room- It would be literally insane to not leave the room briefly!! the doorbell goes for visitors... do you not answer and just ignore them ??!! The window needs closing in the next room as it's raining.. do you let all the rain in??!! you desperately need the toilet ... do you just leave yourself to make a mess on the floor??! You feel faint with hunger, but you don't eat for fear of something happening to baby in the time it takes to visit the biscuit tin?!? That is an absolutely crazy and extremely unhealthy way of parenting and any mother who say's otherwise likely needs mental health help.

Absolutely, my point was that if baby hearing its mum breathing is the reason they should be in the same room as you, then surely background noise would hinder that.

I dont think they actually know the reason why, it's a hypothesis.

Honestly OP don’t worry. You are right. A baby can’t hear it’s mum breathing with white noise on which is what we have all been recommended to do! Your HV sounds OTT. Crikey, my PFB was born prematurely and was in SCBU for three weeks and was routinely left on his own in the cot by me and the nurses to make tea, get water, wander down to the hospital shop etc. Not a single healthcare professional told me I couldn’t leave them for a few minutes if they were sleeping. Use your own common sense and trust your instincts.

Well that is rubbish - they are just covering their backs. People with more than one child have to leave their sleeping newborns whilst they attend to their needs, and - honest love! - you are allowed to go to the loo!!

Ah ok - so she was just talking crap…..like a lot of ‘health professionals’ do.

In her head, she was probably thinking ‘just go loo before your baby sleeps’ as a practical thing to do. Like you would if you were going on a car journey etc.
she didn’t seem to think you would take her literally i don’t think.
She also doesn’t sound like a very switched on health visitor. You know you don’t have to listen to them right?

he old is your baby? Have you been to any local mums and babies groups yet? That’s a great way to meet mums like you with first babies and who might also need some reassurance. Local libraries often have stay and play, new mum groups and other groups like baby massage etc. All nice places to meet other new mums with your little one 😊

The thing is that many mw and hv just aren’t very bright. Sorry, but it’s true.

I wouldn’t leave the room for long periods but would leave them in the basket in the living room and do things in the kitchen with an open door between, nip upstairs or to the toilet etc for a few minutes.
normally when I showered I would take the baby with me and put him in the bouncer but sometimes if he was asleep in the bedroom I would shower quickly and leave the bathroom and bedroom doors open

I haven't gone to many groups yet no as have been recovering from a very difficult c section which has made any travel difficult. I went to the sling library but that was tricky.

Well exactly, and they're infant mortality rates are better than ours so given you know this you can apply common sense that you can leave your baby for short periods sleeping. You don't need permission of HV, MW or MM

She's totally batshit this HV. If you have 2 kids then there's literally no way, as an example, you could tell the toddler to "hold on" until baby wakes to take them to the loo for a wee. And given they've also said you mustn't carry baby in the basket then that gives you no options! Or maybe they suggest waking the baby so you can leave it crying when you take toddler to the loo?
Respectfully this HV sounds like they are parroting guidelines and not applying common sense and luckily LT has some more common sense ones so please don't worry OP!

That's all quite unnecessary.

During the day you, of course, move around the house keeping doors open or using a baby monitor to listen out.

At night we let ours stay in the Moses basket until one of us was going to bed and then we carried baby upstairs.

I had only just realised a few months ago that this was now the official advice for naps as well as night time sleep. I had my babies in the early to late 2000s and it was all dark bedrooms for a good 2hrs in the middle of the day. Then down at 7 again in their own bedroom but we brought the moses in with us until about 4/5 months. But a good 5 hours a day sleeping on their own with only a noise monitor.

I can’t imagine the restriction of having to sit in with them … it seems excessive to me but I totally get that if that’s the advice you’d stick to it in case anything happened.

But not being able to nip to the loo or make a cup of tea is surely insanity.

Honestly I think you've misunderstood your HV.

I genuinely haven't, see what she said in my post above!

I then queried her advice with the MW who said, and I quote "yes it's annoying but she was right, it's a big risk to leave the room at any point when your baby is asleep, even just for a minute or two".

This is relatively new advice. My youngest is six and it wasn't mentioned. I always left her asleep in the pram by the front door. I wouldn't have been standing in the hallway for two hours.

A baby monitor and regular checks is surely fine.

No wonder new parents are so stressed. I often napped when mine did. Sadly even with them in the same room I really doubt I'd have woken up if they stopped breathing.

You do everything you can to minimise risk but for those unfortunate enough that this happens there's no measures that absolutely prevent it. Implying that having your child velcroed to you would somehow implies fault which I think is deeply worrying.

Your HV has never had DC - she's batshit! 😂

This, a million times over. You are no good to the baby if you have a bladder infection from holding your wee, choked with thirst from not getting a cuppa, filthy from not having a shower and a bundle of nerves from stupid, unrealistic advice. Take care of yourself and use common sense when making decisions.

We used a breathing monitor pad like Angelcare (video baby monitor useless for preventing SIDS - it’s not going to tell you if your baby has stopped breathing) . The alarm went off once during a daytime nap when I was in another room and I rushed in and dd was grey. Gave her a shake (and shouted) and she shuddered and started breathing again. Paediatrician was very nonchalant “oh it happens”…

This is a common sense issue?

If the baby is asleep you can potter about in your own home!

Don't overthink it.

This

Everything is always put in such black and white terms, it gives me brain fog.

That is what new mothers are told these days. I was certainly told this and you can find out about it online. It’s to prevent SIDS. It only applies to babies under 6 months old though. I’m sure it’s fine to nip to the door and toilet etc but they shouldn’t be in a room alone now while sleeping before 6 months as the sound of the mother regulates babies breathing at that age. If you read the statistics it does reduce the risk of cot death by a significant amount. It isn’t easy but the phase does pass.

I'm afraid I couldn't help myself with nonsense like that. I'd be asking questions like 'OK, if we left a thousand babies sleeping alone for 100 naps, how many would die'? If it's a big risk, it's got to be quite a few right? Where are the papers that discuss the evidence? What research has been done?