How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

4 kids here. They're chatting utter shit. It's because some parents literally put them down upstairs, wander off and forget about them until they cry. So they insist on NEVER leaving them alone because then people will only leave them briefly which is actually fine.

It's like when your GP asks if you drink and whatever you say, they mentally double it. They know people won't follow to the letter so they advise you to be paranoid and you end up in the happy middle. My last 2 never had a health visitor, they talk total rubbish.

That’s not the same though - choosing to do that and let yourself nap at the same time is a common thing but not allowing your to nip to the loo, making a cuppa, doing some chores etc, is crazy.

No wonder so many new mothers suffer from even more exhaustion and anxiety than they need to.

Extremely bizarre that both your midwife and health visitor said so explicitly, when the lullaby trust (and common sense) dictates otherwise.

Of course you can go have a wee and make a cup of tea. There - problem solved!

Ahh the breathing theory shite - gets rolled out every time and still no one is able to explain how it would work. They've found a statistical correlation and are trying to pass it off as a recommendation 🙄

Never ever heard of that.

Your HV may be a bit overzealous, and there will be MANY HV who will tell you the strangest things.
We had someone who had zero knowledge but tried to advise me on autism, and another who again with zero knowledge discouraged us from seeking GPs help in my sons severe reflux, sputing bullshit about it being bad for children to be receive medication for it as they get addicted. My son spent weeks in pain because of someone whom I should have complained about, luckily we did see the doctor who advised is properly.
I know there are amazing HVs out there, but many are not.

Mine would have taken that as a challenge. Somebody asleep around her? That meant war.

Strangely, I was never concerned about cot death or what could happen if I went into another room for a couple of seconds, either. She'd have had to have stopped crying and actually gone to sleep herself at some point for that.

But that is all they are ~ theories . How could anyone possibly prove that a baby succumbed to SIDS because you were in another room and it couldn't hear you breathing .

@WhatThenEh It may not be so much about noise as about a multi-sensory awareness of someone in the room

Are you saying this pertains to a newborn listening to breathing or just general noise of people clattering about? I do get the concept of a baby listening to someone’s breathing and ?? mimicking it, or somehow their brain using that to regulate. But, that’s only really ever applicable to baby no. 1. For subsequent babies good luck hearing anything over toddler sqwarking, tantrums, constant demands, reading books to them, Wiggles playing and them demanding you sing and dance to Hot Potato, watching Bluey or whatever it is these days on constant repeat etc. Seriously, all of mine after no.1 would have had more chance of breathing along with Ringo than myself (he narrated the Thomas stuff my first was obsessed with). No. 1 didn’t nap either post 9mths (rip roaring ADHD it turned out), so no baby born after was getting any ‘quiet time’ to listen to breathing at all until the night.

But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman

What happened to critical thinking?! 😂 of course you can leave them to do things.

A version of correlation not necessarily being causation - people say 'I went into check and -'. There's no way of checking if it's connected, other than to completely traumatise tell all women they are not permitted to take their eyes off the baby. In about ten years, they'll see if that made any difference to the number of deaths. And then completely change the advice again, especially if it correlates with the worst outcomes of PPP due to the lack of sleep and emotional impact of women (and it is women) being told that they can't keep their infant safe/are endangering their child by looking away for a second.

I haven't RTFT but this hysterical advice is the reason new mothers Mental Health is at an all time low. And why parents are sleep deprived beyond recognition.
With my first I didnt sleep just watched him sleep, terrified he would stop breathing. He only ever slept in his cot at home, I was too afraid to even let him sleep in his pram at home.
With Number 2 he was either in his pram or cot and if I needed to leave the room I did. I just didn't leave him for hours on end.

This is what baby monitors are for. When mine were newborn I used the time they were asleep to catch up on housework or have a bath etc cook etc.

So how would you take a toddler for a wee if it was your second child?

The advice these days is batshit.

Absolutely ridiculous

I truly find it hard to believe that two different health professionals would say that to you. I’m not disbelieving you if that’s what you say, but it’s really astonishing.

When I had mine in the last few years midwives were practically falling over themselves to say it’s safer to leave a baby for five minutes and make a drink if you can’t cope with them crying for a few mins to realign yourself!

To all the posters saying take the moses basket with you, you aren't supposed to move them with the baby in them are you.

BTW is this advice pretty new as I don't recall being given it and my 2 are quite young

I did, but not by the handles.

They are talking bollocks

For the poster wgo mentioned babies sleeping outside 'like logs' - it can (can!) be dangerous for babies to sleep like logs. That's the point of the advice.

Outside is never totally quiet though. Even if you live on a deserted island, there are bound to be some monkeys and birds around. So if babies need noise for safety, outside seems to be a great choice.

I had a Moses basket to carry the baby from room to room. But it’s definitely fine to open the door for the postman, or go to the loo, or make a cup of tea without bringing the baby along too.

I’d always though the difference was marginal for room sharing and SIDs but reading up on the research on the BASIS website it seems it is actually a really significant difference and 75% of babies who die from SIDS are in a rooon alone at the time and that around a third of SIDS deaths could be prevented by room sharing.

however
we are still talking tiny numbers not many babies die from SIDS and very few of those who do are healthy, full term low risk babies living in a non smoking home

we don’t really know why room sharing reduces SIDS or if alternate noise would work

realistically parents will leave the room briefly for their own needs and comfort when babies are napping and we all just have to balance how much risk we are prepared to take. There’s likely a big risk difference between the parent who briefly pops out during daytime naps and the baby who sleeps in their own room for daytime naps and night sleeps from the early weeks.

The impact of poor maternal mental health on infant development is well documented and this and other risks need to be factored into decision making too.

This thread reminds me of threads from lockdown where people tried to justify ridiculous guidelines that said it was unsafe to sit on a park bench or let children use their local swings.

Exactly.
I'm at the point now where i just nod and agree with what they say.