How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

It would be interesting to discover if health visitors were always in the same room as their 0 - 6month old......

TBH I'm convinced the reason the Safer sleep advice is effective is because babies don't actually sleep when following it to the letter. Mine certainly doesn't.

You know, this sort of thing is why so many new mums become nervous wrecks. You really can't watch your baby every second of the day for the next 6 months. There will be times when you need to be in another room, go to the front door, have a wee, get a drink, actually do housework.
Just pop your baby in moses basket / pram whatever and get on with what you need to do. Put your head round the door every so often, it really will be fine.

I think that sounds insane. And really not good for anybody's mental health frankly. Bizarre.

BTW, my health visitor was especially keen on swaddling mine. They both hated it and slept far better when allowed to stretch out. They can be wrong, you know.

Oh yes mine also hates swaddling!

My dear girl, and I don’t mean that in a patronising way, just because I’m probably a lot older than you and I think of all youngsters as girls.
Please use your own judgement and don’t take all advice as gospel. You will make yourself ill in the process and it’s not healthy. Take it from someone who has been there.
The advice is just a guide. That is all. Of course you go go to the loo, potter around the house doing housework or whatever you fancy doing when baby is sleeping. You don’t have to be in the same room for the duration of the nap. Just check in from time to time.
i’ve just come back from a trip to Denmark and walked past several sleeping babies in prams outside buildings. No parents in sight.

I think the evidence for the same room thing is tenuous at best.

Read Emily Oster 'crib sheet' for an explanation of where the guidelines come from and the different risk levels.

The really serious risk factors for SIDS that you should not ignore are front sleeping and being exposed to cigarette smoke (even passively).

Leaving baby in their own room for a while is basically fine.

That was exactly the point I was trying to make.

We take risk assessed decisions every minute of every day, and it would be nonsense to say don't put your baby in the car, or don't cross the road with the pram! It's just as nonsense to say damage your health by holding your wee for an unhealthy amount of time to avoid leaving the baby for a few minutes.

If HV said it was fine to leave them momentarily, and you went and read a book on the loo, boiled the kettle and then decided to make a start on dinner, then the doorbell rang and you had a nice long chat with the postie, and in that time, something happened to your baby, and you said, "Oh but the HV said it was fine for me to pop to the loo/make a cup of tea/answer the door, I was only gone for a minute!" they could be held responsible for it.

Mine does too but I’ve swaddled all of mine until they learn how to roll.

I kept mine in the pram for naps for the first 6 months even if I wasn’t planning on going anywhere, and wheeled her around different rooms (or out) if I needed to.

(Didn’t wheel her into the bathroom for a quick wee or shower though!)

I don't think mine would fit through all the doors!

Dh and I are English and our kids slept outside for naps. They're great sleepers, never worried and always checked on them/sat by them. HV nearly had a heart attack when I told her. They mean well, but they're not always the best at communicating.

@Luertiak I had my baby almost 5 years ago. We were classed as high risk for sids as he was prem, only just over 5 pounds when born and my family sadly had a history of sids.

So I took the advice very seriously. But I didn't go mental with it.

So for day sleep, when I could actually put him down, it was usually in the living room. I'd potter about cleaning nip for a wee, make a sandwich etc. But I didn't put him upstairs with the door closed/curtains drawn/white noise etc and leave him alone for the whole time.

At night when I'd take him up, I'd then stay in the bedroom. But we wouldn't take him up until we were ready to settle down too. I'd sleep or read or watch something on the tablet. So I was with him but wasn't like obsessively watching his breathing or anything.

It's just about assessing your situation and using common sense really.

I absolutely do, because I have a rule that if the baby’s resting then I’m resting 🤷‍♀️ I used to clean etc when my son was napping and was exhausted all the time. Now I sit and read a book/keep an eye on my daughter while she sleeps and it’s lovely.

Well I totally missed this memo in the not very distant past when I had a newborn! Slept in our room at night but often napped upstairs during the day as I made a concerted effort to gently get him into the habit of sleeping in the cot and dropping off by himself.

Had a video monitor and a blood oxygen alarm thing on his foot because I was a paranoid first time mum, as it happens, but I never thought I had to remain in the same room!

The child lives.

This BS drives me mad. No doubt a study found this is a way of reducing risk and nhs pass this info on to cover themselves without any thought of the consequences. It's up there with saying if you don't want to die in a road traffic accident you should never be in a car. While we accept this is true, we also decide it's worth the risk and we do it everyday because benefits outweigh risk.

When baby sleeps is when you are supposed to do laundry or cook or tidy the house or sit down with a coffee and scroll or whatever. Sitting in a room watching baby sleep is nonsensical. It doesn't even make sense, it's only possible for a first baby anyhow, by being a second child are you statistically less likely to have a cot death? Of course not.

I was like you OP as a first time mother, doing everything by the book. I didn't have a parent or someone in my life who could reassure me that it's ok to do what's right for you. Ds1 could not sleep in the position we were told to put him in, he was constantly in pain and slept sometimes for only minutes. I kept doing what i was told but the consequences affected all of us deeply, even all these years later I still shudder when I think of how awful it was and how much happier our lives could have been if I hadn't followed advice. My second was a few years later and the advice I got was completely different, not about sleep specifically but other issues. The same hospital told me contradictory information, when I asked my local nurse (same woman) why I had been told different she told me that 'it's changed' as if evolution of humans changed in 6 years. New mothers are so vulnerable and need sensible guidance to build confidence not constant scaremongering and fear of judgment for breaking the 'rules'.

Gosh I am surprised mine survived. I used to put ds in the cot at 9am after he'd been up for three hours and he went to sleep while I had a bath, did the housework, etc. He went back to the cot at about 2pm for another two hour nap. From six weeks he slept in his bedroom in the cot, initially in the moses basket, lifted in. A midwife and a locum GP both told me there was no need for sore nipples because babies only needed ten minutes each side every four hours.

He was weaned at 12 weeks on the advice of the GP!

DD cried so much as a tiny that my sanity only survived because on occasion I put her in a safe clean cot and closed the door for half an hour, retreating to the kitchen where she couldn't be heard.

About 15 years before the health professionals also were actively telling new mothers to lay their babies to sleep on their fronts! That idea never had a basis in common sense let alone research.

Times move on and advice changes but so too are all babies different and being sensible and cautious should never be overlaid with impractical and idiotic mantras. Neither should one be irresponsible.

Some health visitors and midwives are frankly either thick or well out of date in their practices.

The midwife on the night shift wanted to tuck my son's umbilical cord into his nappy.

OP I completely get why you are worried, and when someone tells you something in a professional capacity you might feel wrong for not following those rules to the letter.
I have three children, imagine I stayed in the room the baby was sleeping in, what would the older ones be getting up to?
Make tea, go to the toilet, put washing away etc. If you are really worried get a baby monitor. Just pop back regularly and leave doors open etc. Lots of love to you and your new baby ☺️

Would keeping the telly on work

They should both be seriously questioned for causing that must anxiety to mums (and I say that as a former doula).

Be very cautious they don’t have an ulterior motif. It sounds very strange to me.
You know you don’t have to see either the MW or health visitor yes?
They cannot insist on visiting you. Obviously if you want their help that’s up to you but I think it’s very strange that a) the NHS are giving that crazy advice and b) that the HV is sticking to it.

If I was you I’d just say ‘ok thanks’, then ignore them and just do your own thing.

That's very bizarre...Does your baby have health issues?

Are you sure you didn't mis-hear the health visitor?

Carrying a baby to the lavatory is downright daft- no one does that!

How are you expected to shower, to cook, to make a hot drink?