How to just stop.. worrying about guys?

[noidea098]

So I met this guy last night. He seemed really nice, the vibes seemed right and I ended up going back to his.

I texted him this morning and we’ve messaged a tiny bit today. We said we would meet up again when I left…

I just get so emotionally attached though and I think he was genuinely the best guy I’ve ever been with in bed. But I am really really trying not to get my hopes up though as I know these kind of things can lead nowhere 😟

Block him. Delete his number, delete the chat. Stop doing this to yourself.

There is nothing wrong with ONS but if you spiral like this after them you absolutely should not be doing them. You are hurting yourself so much.

He may have been interested, he may not have been. He may have thought you were just looking for a ONS and do was he. You may have asked too many questions and it's been less than 48 hours, half of MN would be telling you to run if a guy was seeming overly keen that quickly.

Take a very long break from men. Find things in your life that make you feel happy. Be kind to yourself and focus on a hundred other things.

Just ignore him. What's the point?

Leave it. If he wants to meet up again he will ask you. Don't inflate what and who he is in your mind.

Maybe I’m long in the tooth but men will say what you want to hear if they are only after a ONS.

I mean occasionally sleeping with someone as soon as you meet them will work out. But on the whole it’s better to meet at least a few times and get to know someone a bit first.

Nothing wrong with ONS but they can be quite emotionless and rarely lead to relationships.

What did he say then ?

Just don't reply and work on yourself op. I know you won't and will likely continue to obsess over this but honestly it doesn't sound like you're ready to be getting into this when you're so anxious and hung up on this man after literally knowing him a few hours.

I did reply and of course nothing!

If a man was coming across this clingy a woman wouldn't want anything to do with him. He sounds boring as sin anyway and the fact that you even want to pursue this when you're getting no interest back shows that you really need to forget about men and focus on your own severely lacking self-esteem.

Always a big risk when you sleep with someone so soon. Your emotions can take over. Dare I say it but men can have sex with no emotions attached, whilst most women can't. Take care OP, treat yourself to something nice

@crackofdoom

The man also jumped into bed with her on first meeting. What does that make him? 🙄

I don't know why you're rolling your eyes. That poster said clearly in their post that the man is therefore dishonest and disrespectful to women. That was very clear in their post.

Why did you reply? Take some power back and just delete his number.

So exercise a bit of self control and stop chasing them. If they like you they’ll be in touch. If you keep making the first move you’re just going to end up with lots of guys wasting your time because they think you’ll
be an easy lay/ ego stroke

You are waiting for him to want you. Surely if you meet someone you want to get to know them to decide if they are good enough for you. Seize the power. And block him.

I just kept it light-hearted and on a very similar level to him - no questions. He replied 10 mins ago- single line, and that's it. I am so DONE. If he wants to see me, then he will text again. I am thinking he may be keeping me on his rota - so he's not closing it down but giving me breadcrumbs incase one day he fancies a shag. Or, he's a really shit texter and playing it cool. I guess time will tell. Total waste of my time, energy, feelings, emotions.

Thanks to everyone who has given me advice / helped calm me down today! I do appreciate it.

My DH was a shit texter and I used to wonder if he was that interested! I just matched his energy and we’ve been married 10 years now! He’s great in other ways. He generally doesn’t have his phone on him much, even now. So I wouldn’t necessarily right this one off, but don’t put loads of effort in.

Keep up that attitude.

Remember: he's not waiting your emotions. You are!

You are in control of where you put your time, energy, and emotions.

@CuttySarcasm yeah I am just leaving it now and waiting to see what he does… I don’t think I should be asking him though to go out because effort has to come from both sides. I think I’ve made my intentions clear enough for him to get the green light to suggest doing something.

Don't text him back. Don't block him, but delete his number and messages so you are not tempted to text. Men like to chase women and not be chased themselves.

When I read your OP I thought you meant in a broader sense than worrying if one might be into you.
I read it as, stop devoting time and energy worrying about them full stop.
I think, we hang so much of our future plans and hopes on meeting one. And it's mad. Why shouldn't we plan our life how WE want it, for OURSELVES without needing another person's input? And then, if one does happen to come along, that's nice, but it won't make or break you.
If we had that attitude, then you wouldn't worry about whether Mr Best in Bed was the one, or texted back or liked you. You'd just be getting on with life regardless. I really think, that is what most men do. They only worry about it when she actually IS the one. They don't imagine a whole future with someone they barely know and so have seemingly much more at stake and so many feelings invested.
OP. I'm trying to say, I wasted my whole 20s energy and excitement and enthusiasm on men and love. I bounced all over the globe because of them. And while it was fun, it turns out, I really didn't NEED any of them. I have children and that's great, but I could have done that differently and alone. And I would have spent my 20s thinking about where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, not what they were doing and whether they liked me enough. My divorced friends feel similarly. That they don't actually NEED a man. My married happily friends (all three of the couples) are very intertwined and not people on their own really.
Go at dating with that attitude. Do it on the side of your own life. Don't make it the beating heart of it.

I think you need to ask yourself why you're getting so emotionally invested in someone who you've only know for a few hours - drunken ones at that.

Being single in your 30s is tough. I know, Ive been there. But I only ended up meeting the right guy once I was genuinely ok with being alone.

ONS supposed to be fun - if it's making you feel like this, it's not for you.

No casual sex clearly isn’t for me! I guess what’s disappointing is he seemed to want more. But I guess actions speak louder than words!

Felt a bit better about everything last night but this morning feel 💩 again

Urgh ffs I really want to reply to him now… I am not going to, I promise but I wish he would just come out and say he’s not interested rather than basically give me nothing.

Omg you really need to block him and try to move on. He's clearly not interested, why are you wasting your energy on him when you could be putting that energy into yourself?