How to just stop.. worrying about guys?

[noidea098]

So I met this guy last night. He seemed really nice, the vibes seemed right and I ended up going back to his.

I texted him this morning and we’ve messaged a tiny bit today. We said we would meet up again when I left…

I just get so emotionally attached though and I think he was genuinely the best guy I’ve ever been with in bed. But I am really really trying not to get my hopes up though as I know these kind of things can lead nowhere 😟

@FromAClosetInNorway I agree with everything you said. I do have massive attachment issues. Do you think if we’re still chatting later on in the week I can ask him if he wants to meet up again? Or I should just let him lead it?

If you jumped in to bed with him on a first meeting, any sensible man worth knowing, will know you probably have done it many times before with countless others, and take it as just an easy woman to get into bed, with no respect for you. You will not find yourself a good honest man this way. You can not change your past indiscretions, but you can change your future lifestyle by getting to know who & what the man’s status is
( single, divorced, married, widower). before doing the deed.

Absolutely ask! Whats stopping you now? You're in as much control as he is.

'It was nice to see you last night, thank you for a good time. Would you be interested in meeting again?'

And leave it as that. This just as much for you than it is him. Just keep it cool and see what happens

What judgemental misogynist bollocks.

OP don't listen to this.

The OP could think the exact same as the bloke then, as he had a one night stand as much as the OP did. But the judgement is only on the woman's side according to you.

Just because it's not for you, you don't need to be a knob and make the OP feel shit about it. There's nothing wrong with casual consensual sex. But you're just stuck in the 1800s.

Any sensible man? Are you forgetting that the bloke ALSO had a ONS as well as the OP?

Misogynistic shit. Go and bow down to your man.

@FromAClosetInNorway I just feel like if I asked him it would come across as too keen / me chasing. I already feel like he is pulling away / not showing much interest…

But then I guess at least I’d know!

If you wait until the 4th or 5th date to have sex the same thing can still happen so it’s kind of irrelevant whether you wait or not - you did nothing wrong, ignore the misogyny about nice girls not putting out too soon 🙄

build up your life away from dating, be busy and have lots to look forward to that doesn’t involve guys.

I just feel like crap and this is why I am better off not getting involved with anyone 🥺

I've been like this most of my life leading to terrible choices in men. I'm now 50 and only just working on why I was like this. Wanting a man in your life so badly is totally the wrong mindset to be in to pursue any relationship.

You need to take time to work on yourself. Build some self esteem and look at anxious attachment - www.attachmentproject.com/blog/anxious-attachment/

It doesn't sound like casual sex is for you?
I'm.not judging I had more than my fair share of one night stands in my single years ,but I got too attached to most of them too and felt shitty if they didn't go anywhere
Ironically my Dh did start off aa a ONS too and it worked out but i think it's more the exception than the rule.

Unfortunately it's true in a lot of cases wether we like it or not there are double standards.

And meanwhile, in 2024, many of us don’t think a woman’s worth lies in her knickers…

OP, I do agree you should stop sleeping with people immediately as it seems to be exacerbating your attachment issues and insecurity. Try therapy. Sweat off casual sex as you don’t seem able to be casual about it.

Just wish I wasn’t so stupid and naive thinking he was interested when most likely he just wanted to have sex 🥺

But maybe I am just panicking out of nothing and need to calm the actual f down!

Ok I realise I am talking to myself now but I just feel so gutted 😕 I honestly thought he was really into me!

You only met him last night maybe he waa just after a shag or maybe he wasn't
Ask him if he wants to meet up again you have nothing to lose.

I am considering asking if he wants to meet up again but why bother chasing something that isn’t going anywhere…

When you realise that the majority of men are just shit.
Even the ones that seem decent... really most of those ones are also shit and not really worth your time and consideration.

They're selfish and entitled and shit, invest in yourself and create a life that centers you op, stop bothering yourself over what is likely to be a really awful shit man eventually.

That's what nearly all men exclusively want.

Well it’s over already. I know he’s not keen. He’s not trying to “play it cool”. He’s trying to tell me that’s it, goodbye.

You only met him last night either ask him out or don't, its a Monday i assume hes at work right now?
Personally I would give him the benefit of the doubt
If he's not interested he will let you know soon enough.

Here's what I think.

Stop drinking
Stop having sex with people the day you meet them
Find something else to focus your mind on.

I don't have any moral issues with any of the above but you know what? Only the most secure people can get away with ONS because what happens afterwards does not define them. If you can't be like that stop doing it. I say that very kindly as I was like you when I was younger.

Thanks @Spinet.. I agree. I’ve not heard from him since yesterday, which I don’t think is great.

Do you think if guys are interested and want to see you again they message you a lot?

I think you are over thinking this and getting yourself worked up ,it's been less than 24 ,hours ,he could be working ,sleeping ,visiting his mum ,any number of things
Message him ask him if he wants to meet up and take it from there.