Husband wants anal sex

[Saturday3]

My husband is saying he wants anal sex, but I don't want to. He has never tried it and thinks he shouldn't have to rule it out for the rest of his life and that I should at least "do the research" before I say no so definitely, that a quarter of people do it regularly and that it is a hill he's willing to die on.

The context is we've had marriage difficulties and joint therapy, with one of the main issues being our differing sex drives - he wants more frequent and more adventurous sex, and it's changed since the birth of our child 4 years ago now. I've tried numerous things to increase my drive to meet him in the middle more, like starting HRT (I'm 45), doing Couch to 5k and upping my exercise, and making an effort to schedule nights in the bedroom etc. But it's very "stop start" - every time we make some progress for a few days I feel like we take two steps backwards again. I had horrible pain during sex after I'd had my child and I think it really spooked me and things never went back to how they used to be (on top of parenting, and all the other factors meaning I'm always tired by 10pm which I never used to be).

If he doesn't have sex for a few days he gets very anxious. In general it really affects his happiness, whilst I need more of the intellectual connection. He is younger than me too.

Our lives have changed so much since Covid and becoming parents so there's a lot more contextual factors I could talk about.

But just on the anal sex thing, what are people's views and experiences on this?

yes its true. women who have anal sex are actually 50 percent more likely to have anal incontinence

It is indeed. Yet look at these people defending this asshole, saying it's just a harmless sexual preference. Gross.

When I read threads like this, I don't wonder that there are increasing numbers of willingly single women and so many young women who are depressed and emotionally fucked up.

New research shows that anal sex on woman causes fecal incontinence later on in life as the sphincter gets damaged. I wouldn’t risk it x

It sounds like the marriage is already over regardless of whether the OP agrees to do what she doesn't want to do or not.

The obvious explanation for the behaviour of the husband would be if he was gay and, for whatever reason, hasn't come to terms with it.

(There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, before anyone says anything.)

Tell him you want to penetrate his arse with a strap on and see what he says. Dick!

gillefc82, I think your contribution is probably well intentioned but intrinsically problematic as you seem to be advocating for engaging in sex which 'doesn't do anything for you' on the grounds that it makes your partner happy.
And your comment about 'marathon oral' to ensure you're wet before commencing anal penetration seems weird and oddly ignorant of female anatomy: as your anus is not designed for penetration, no amount of arousal or vaginal lubrication is going to ease the penetration of your rectum.

And whoever questioned whether rectal incontinence is a thing, and whether men and women really need to use sanpro to avoid leakage following anal penetration ("a homophobic joke"!?); it's definitely a thing, at least pads and liners. Anuses leak following penetration; fecal matter, mucous and semen. And blood. To suggest this doesn't happen is massively disingenuous.

It's not about being gay. He is a porn user. Anal sex is featured heavily in porn. He's been conditioned to believe he's entitled to it.
Once they get that far gone that they are willing to lose a partner over their pornsick "needs" it's quite hopeless.

I have also just seen that a lot of women do it only to please their partners and 25 percent of women surveyed have been pressured into it at least once. Sad.

@PommelHoss why are you so obsessed with OP having anal sex when she has already stated she doesn't want to? The amount of replies you have made is worryingly odd. Why do you care so much about a strangers sex life?

HNRTFT but female bodies are not created for a penis up their arse …absolutely ok to say no ! Cannot imagine the damage to your anatomy!

It actually states that anal incontinence can occur after only trying it one time

The responses have become more and more worrisome. I'm out.

@PommelHoss I'm just going to assume you're a porny bloke who's on MN to desperately try to convince women to have unwanted sex.

You're really just being a goody cunt aren't you

@PommelHoss Goady cunt that is

It is also can be a risk factor for rectal cancer

Ah, now the mask is fully off and we have the misogyny. I knew that was coming. You're probably just a dude who likes fudge packing and wants women to submit to it. Piss off.

I'd refuse. It can cause medical issues apart from anything else.

Oh I knew it was a man from the get go. Wasn't really hiding it well was he? 🤣

100% this. ^