Husband wants anal sex

[Saturday3]

My husband is saying he wants anal sex, but I don't want to. He has never tried it and thinks he shouldn't have to rule it out for the rest of his life and that I should at least "do the research" before I say no so definitely, that a quarter of people do it regularly and that it is a hill he's willing to die on.

The context is we've had marriage difficulties and joint therapy, with one of the main issues being our differing sex drives - he wants more frequent and more adventurous sex, and it's changed since the birth of our child 4 years ago now. I've tried numerous things to increase my drive to meet him in the middle more, like starting HRT (I'm 45), doing Couch to 5k and upping my exercise, and making an effort to schedule nights in the bedroom etc. But it's very "stop start" - every time we make some progress for a few days I feel like we take two steps backwards again. I had horrible pain during sex after I'd had my child and I think it really spooked me and things never went back to how they used to be (on top of parenting, and all the other factors meaning I'm always tired by 10pm which I never used to be).

If he doesn't have sex for a few days he gets very anxious. In general it really affects his happiness, whilst I need more of the intellectual connection. He is younger than me too.

Our lives have changed so much since Covid and becoming parents so there's a lot more contextual factors I could talk about.

But just on the anal sex thing, what are people's views and experiences on this?

I tried it once and it was horrendous. Very very painful, and then the next time I had a poo it really really hurt.

Nobody should do anything they don't want to do, especially sexual things.

I'd rather be single that put up with someone pressuring me like that tbh.

Yup!! Fine, as long has he consents to a 12 inch dildo shoved up his arse

Joking aside though...?

Yes it's a worrying fact that more and more women are being pressurised into certain sexual acts because of porn.

There's nothing normal about porn as far as I'm concerned. Why is it reasonable for OP'S DH to ask her for anal sex because it's common in porn? I wonder if he's even considered the possible consequences on OPs health of anal sex? Don't suppose he is bothered so long as he gets his way.

If it's not something you want to do, you can and should say no and that's the end of the discussion. He shouldn't be pressuring you to do something you're not comfortable with. It sounds like sex is more of a performance for him rather than a loving way to connect with his partner. He'd give me the massive ick 🤢

Use a full sized penis type dildo on him if that’s what he wants but if you don’t want have anal yourself, he shouldn’t be bullying you into it.

A big NO is all it should be.

This was my exh hill to die on. I tried it. And hated it.

When it made me scream in pain he gave not a single fuck.

Anal sex is so much more vulnerable imo than regular sex. It takes a lot of trust and honestly you probably won't like it the first few times.

I couldn't do it with someone who was pressuring me to do it/threatening to leave the relationship.

Someone's been watching too much porn.

Tell him to fuck off, seriously.

OP, you should know better than to ask that

Of DH wants something different then offer him something different. Then tell HIM to do the research.

The bottom line is unless you are 101% up for anything you don't do it. End of.

I thought the same😂
He's being an arsehole literally.

Any sexual activity is fine as long as both/all participants can consent in full knowledge. Doesn't sound like that applies here.

So you had pain from vaginal intercourse, and he is suggesting anal? He does realise that you don’t have a prostate gland? Has he said what he is expecting you to get out of this, or just saying it’s for him? If he’s thinking of sex as thing he gets and not something you do together for mutual pleasure that’s not a good place to be in. Surely you should be discussing what you both want not issuing demands.

Joking aside he's saying that he'll divorce you if he can't have unwanted anal sex with you. He's a rapist in his mind if not yet in real life.

A man happy to have unwanted sex of any kind is not a man to stay with.

Sorry Op, he sounds manipulative and needy, from the little you have said.
Sounds like a lot of pressure on you.
I think if you need to ask here, the answer is No.

Completely agree. I would guarantee a lot have participated but are to prude to admit!

She's said she doesn't want to. And he wants to regardless. It's not 'stuffy' to insist on full, enthusiastic consent.

If he says it's a hill he's willing to die on then honestly, I'd let him walk away and die on that hill.

No one should have any sort of intimacy that they don't want. You don't need to research anything to know how you feel about it.

He's a sex pest, he won't change, this is what your life together will always be like unless you let him go.

Vile
Men feel entitled to this because they watch too much porn that's the only reason

It's irrelevant what he wants here OP.
It's what you both want to do that counts.

Have you seen "Tea and Consent". It's a really simple video, which explains this very situation.
Basically... If the person (you) doesn't want to do it, don't force them.

@Whatthefuck3456 and @PommelHoss you are coming across as rape apologists. I'm sure that's not what you mean to do so I suggest you try to support the OP's stated choice in the FIRST LINE of the OP.

Tell him if he wants to try anal then he can try it first by letting you peg him with a strap on the same size as his penis first then you might think about returning the favour.

Me thinks he'll soon change his tune.

This absolutely tell him that he can have it and to bend over and take it.

I don't think people are joking. It's a valid suggestion, if you are happy with it, for him to be the receiver.

If he's not happy to be on the receiving side...why should he expect you to be?