Please help me decide ceremony time I'm having a complete mare

[tornbride1]

Wedding is on a Sunday in August. We wanted the ceremony at 2pm but it isn't available and we can't change the date.

Can choose between 12pm and 4pm.

Having 30 day guests and 40 evening guests. Definitely can't afford to have everyone as a day guest.

Here are the venues suggested timings and neither is ideal and it's really bothering me. Help me decide please

12pm Ceremony Timings

11am Guests to start arriving
12pm Ceremony
12:30pm Drinks Reception, Canapes & Photos
2pm Call through to Marquee / Guests take seats
2:15pm Wedding Breakfast and optional speeches before/after
7pm Evening reception / evening guests to arrive (if any)
8pm Evening food

4pm Ceremony Timings

3pm Guests to start arriving
4pm Ceremony
4:30pm Drinks Reception, Canapes & Photos
6pm Call through to Marquee / Guests take seats
6:15pm Wedding Breakfast and optional speeches before/after
8:30pm Evening reception / evening guests to arrive (if any)
10pm Evening food

We went for 2 pm but we had everyone to all of it, no evening only invites.
It flowed really well as one whole event

Unless it's August this year, I'd be looking for a different venue. Assuming they have another wedding at 2pm, it's going to be chaos

If you do it the way you're planning, it's 30 day guests x £85 plus 40 evening guests x £12.50 which is £3050

Its £85 x 30 plus £12.50 x 70 - total number of guests. £3425

70 x £50 would be £3,500 -

Im sure they can do food for 70 people cheaper for a buffet. You don’t need waiting staff for expensive table clothes and wine glasses.

Go more relaxed that formal.

Can I just say, this is an AMAZING idea. I bridesmaided at a mid winter wedding so she had to keep the pics short but didn't get as many as she wanted, this would have been soooo smart.

😂 the whole point of my thread is that I can't have the 2pm slot and am gutted about it but am trying to work with the other two options available.

But glad you had a nice time

The 3pm thing is also a lovely idea it sounds great but that time isn't available to us.

It's 10am, 12pm or 4pm only.

I think it’s common to have photos first and not after the ceremony.

I'd choose 4pm.

Last family wedding was at about that time in December and it worked really well.

I feel like I'm having a really crisis over this 😂

Now looking at celebrants. He initially said he didn't want this but now will consider it if we do the legal part the day after the wedding instead of the day before which I get.

Does anyone know anything about doing this?

A lot of people dislike attending weddings that aren't actually the legal bit. As that's the main point.

This is a very old fashioned point of view these days.

Well so be it. I would feel lied to if the wedding was not at the event I was paying to attend. (Ie travel etc). I want to see the actual moment people become married. That weird nervous energy in the room. Which doesn't exist if all done already or later on.

It's a fairly common view across mumsnet.

Not in normal circles. Modern weddings are changing due to the fact that many people don't want to marry in church and there are very few licenced venues that can carry out legal weddings. Many people don't want to spent £10k on a wedding even if they have it which means looking outside of the very limited licenced venues and having a celebrant rather than a registrar.

That's how we are. Not interested in charades and reenactment.

4pm

The wedding is the legal bit. The rest is just a party.

You might think it's ok but there's lots of us that don't and would be annoyed. I want to see people get married, not just turn up to a party when they're pretending to do that. And if they're going to pretend I would want to know that it's pretend so I can make my decision about whether I want to go or not.

Personally, I think if you're going to do that it is better to get married and then be honest that you're just having a party to celebrate the fact that you got married. It's the deception that would bother me.

I got married at 4pm in August.
The outdoor photos were a bit rushed because of the daylight.
The wedding meal ran over so the evening guests were arriving before things had been cleared away from it all. A lot of the evening buffet got left because the day guests hadn't long eaten.

We did 4pm, with afternoon tea - help yourself buffet, sandwiches mini sausage rolls, scones jam and cream, strawberries and cream or cheesecake/chocolate brownie & cream, tea coffee urns help yourself, plus a free bar with Pimms, and a fruit punch, beer or wine (most went for tea as it was a hot day + lot of older people, with glass of English sparkling for the speeches/toast, evening guests from 7.30pm with buffet snacks from 8pm to which we added the leftovers. Advantage was we could self-cater & keep the cost down.

Managed to persuade him into a celebrant. Met with her this evening and she was absolutely lovely, so kind and warm.

We're going for it! Will do the legal bit a day or two before.

None of my friends or family care about being there for the exact 'moment'😂 had some odd responses re this... most people are just relaxed and want to celebrate a happy occasion with loved ones.

Yay! Very good decision. We chose to do that and nobody thought it was 'charades and reenactment' and I've just been to another that was inspired by my wedding and it was just delightful. In fact all the feedback we got was that the ceremony was so amazing and personal and touching and meaningful, far more so than a generic registry office ceremony.

Are you planning to tell all of your invitees, in advance, that you already will be married before this event takes place?

Jesus give it a rest. It's not a secret, she's only inviting 40 people, I'm sure they are all close enough to know the arrangements.

The problem is that many people DO keep it a secret, and there are hard feelings when the truth about the charade leaks out. People don't appreciate being hoodwinked.

We would not give up a weekend or go to effort and expense to attend a reenactment. We'd post a card, job done.

Do as you wish, but allow prospective guests make an informed decision.

Sometimes Mumsnet is like time travelling.

In what "time" is it OK to lie to people about what they are being invited to witness?